Pregnant and not with hubby's baby. Plzzz help!?

Question

I have a MAJOR problem that I've gotten myself into. It was stupid of me. Hubby and are have really been "on the outs" and during this period I met another man and had an affair with him. Last week I found out that I'm pregnant and it is not hubby's. This I am 100% sure about. I have only told "the other man" about it and he wants me to be hush hush about it and convince hubby it's his. He said I need to work things out with hubby. He was nice about it but I'm upset because he promised me from the get go if something like this happened he would be there for me and baby. He acted like he would start a real relationship with me. The only thing he wants it to see baby on occassion and to set aside for baby when he or she is older. That's nice but, I don't want his money. I don't want his secret child support. I want emotional support! I just want to cry and I want him to tell me everything will be alright but, I'm so scared! What should I do???

Answer 1

Well girl quite a mess you have there. Put yourself in hubbys place. That is deception. Best you can do now is tell the truth and see what happens. Other guy should not be let off that easy. He would not like for that to happen to him. Odds are that your hubby will find out sooner or later.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but I agree with the majority, you owe it to your husband, yourself and mostly to this child to tell your husband the truth. This other man is probably not gonna be what you want him to be and your husband may leave you, BUT if you try to hide the truth, the truth will eventually come out and you'll be screwed anyway. It will, it always does. Also, if you keep a secret like that it eats at you every single day, makes you a nervous wreck and sick to your stomach. And then most importantly, your child should not be punished for your bad decision. The child would be the center of a secret and they start catching on when something is "weird". Secret meetings with the child's father, that would never work out. Just tell the truth and accept your medicine and hope things work out. Best of luck!

Answer 3

Well, deceiving your husband more than you already have is what you should NOT do. Do NOT pretend like this is your Husband's baby. Sounds like you are going to have some MAJOR life changes ahead of you. What you should do, is tell your Husband the absolute truth. That is the only way you are going to be able to live with yourself. Lying about this will eat you up for the rest of your life. As hard as it is, you MUST come clean with your Husband. Then, regardless of what happens between you and you Husband, you need to have support set up for this new baby by it's Father. You say NOW that you don't want his money, but you will need it. This child is just as much his responsibility as it is yours. I would just about cross out any hope of this other man being there for you. You ALREADY gave him what he wanted, and that was sex. He thought he was going to get no-stings-attached-sex from a Married woman. But, uh-ohh, look what's happened, and now he's basically out the door. This is a big mess you've made for yourself, and only the truth will set you on a path for happiness. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

Answer 4

He will divorce you. Plain and simple. I would and any other guy out there would feel the same. You have another man's child inside you! This hurts me even hearing that. Why should you husband stick around and raise this child not to mention all the problems you already have. You cant keep this a secret from you husband. You must tell him the truth, its completely not fair to him or the BABY!

Look at things this way... The marriage was not working and became unrepairable to moment you felt feelings for another man. Dont beat yourself up and blame this (the cheating, not the baby) on you, he probably did things to drive you to seek out another man.

The best thing is to move on and maybe start a relationship with this new guy if you feel strongly for him. Otherwise leave them all. But you need to come clean.

Answer 5

WOW! well first of all breathe. You are not the only person who goes through this. There are MANY people out there. The thing is if I was yours I would tell your husband now. I know that it is going to be hard, but it is fair to him. If he decides to stay or go is up to him, but remember that you do owe him and the baby the respect. It seems like this other guy told you exactly what YOU WANTED to hear instead of the truth. I am sure you are a great person and just need some guidance. my best advice is to tell him. Trust me it is something that will eat at you every day if you dont.
good luck

Answer 6

I'm sorry, maybe crying is best sometimes. Do not stress, calm down and relax. Stress isn't good for you or the baby. I don't know what he'll say. Sounds the affair man wants nothing to do with you or the baby, it was just a sex thing to him. Kick him in the nuts a thousand times till he has nothing left. If you tell your hubby and things get worse it could cause you to stress and lose the baby. He will get more attached to the baby, so do it soon. I would say in your second trimester. I'm so sorry love. You say your on the outs, are u getting a divorce, or seperated? God Bless honey and relax. E-mail me if u want, click on my name. Take your prenatal vits and drink alot of water or gatoraide. I'm so so sorry, because I read what you say and I know you are truly sorry. Tell your hubby. The affair guy needs some harsh punishment, Hire someone to scare the **** out of him, or rough him up a bit.

Answer 7

Dear Lord, sheesh what a mess.
Look you know that if you tell your husband its his, he is bound to know sooner or later, if the later it is, then the worst it'll be.
First you have to know never to trust any man. The you could have gotten yourself with something other than a baby! STDs?
Whats done is done! you have to let your husband the truth, maybe he'll forgive you and adopt this baby like his own. Worst case, he'll divorce you, and that idiot of a Boyfriend can actually so something. The nerve of this man asking you to lie and allow his own child to call someone else daddy, oh lets not forget the responsibility of a father giving it to someone else. And when the hard part is over he'll take over being the dad!
What about the child himself, raise him to think one thing then shock him with the true and you knowing all that time!
Thank babe.
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 8

I am sorry if I sound rude or mean but you need to tell your husband the truth and if he ends up leaving you than he does. You got yourself in a position that you cannot fix. This other "man" is obligated to raise this child but is not obligated to be in a relationship with you. Now that you are pregnant...you need to do what's right for the baby not for you.

I made the mistake of getting pregnant by a selfish man...now am about to become a single mother. It is possible you might also become a single mother....

This situation is sensitive and will hurt several people, yourself, your husband, and the baby.....don't be selfish now...tell your husband the truth, you cheated on him & this is the outcome.....time to be adult about it and do what's right.

Again, I am not trying to sound mean or rude..I hope I didn't offend you.

Answer 9

...sigh...

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt (and the 15 year old to prove it).

First, your lover is a class A jerk. He doesn't love you, he used you (probably mutual, but...whatever...). Forget about creating a happy family with him. You deserve better and so does your child.

Second, you really do need to be honest with your husband and decide what to do together. If he's angry, he's angry, but you need to know that now, not later.

When it happened to me my husband was furious, but we worked it out and agreed that I would have the baby and put it up for adoption. We chose a nice couple and planned things out. Then, after my daughter was born, we both had a change of heart and decided to raise her ourselves.

This *can* have a happy ending, but you need to work for it. Give up your childish dream of a Prince Charming who's going to fix it all for you. You need to be a grown-up and deal with the mess you've made or you'll regret it more than you can possibly know.

God/dess Bless!

Answer 10

UH-OH. You need to tell your hubby and deal with the consequences. I know a family that went through this and when the child got older and looked NOTHING like the father he figured it out and basically made that child miserable and ended up disowning him which caused this person so much and grief and misery in his life and you know, it was really sad because it wasn't his fault, it was the mothers fault. Good luck to you.