I can't stop my online affair!?

Question

I have been having an online affair for several months. It's a very emotional affair. Although, the guy on the other end is married, and we both know nothing serious will ever come of our "online friendship" we still discuss a lot of personal stuff. Be it, sexual, emotional, or just life stuff. A few weeks ago my boyfriend found out about the affair. Yes, I do consider it an affair. We talked a lot, and I explained to him why I felt like I needed this other man in my life, and he understands that there are a lot of things he should be doing differently. The biggest being, he needs to get a divorce. He's been separated from his ex for nearly 8 years, we've been together for 5 years. Anyways, our relationship is definitely different now, as he doesn't trust me. And feels like I'm constantly emailing this guy back and forth at work. I do really love my boyfriend and do not want to leave him, but I just cannot bring myself to stop talking to the other guy...

Tell me what to do....

Answer 1

Ever stop to think that the conversations you are having with the man behind the computer are conversations you should be having withyour boyfriend? And that you wouldn't need this internet guy if you actually took the time to open up to the man you say you love?

It's not necessarily healthy to be in a relationship with a man who isn't divorced, but you are only making things worse for yourself by adding this internet connection. Where, exactly, is your self esteem in all of this??? Two men in your life who can't give you their whole heart? C'mon...

There are a lot of things BOTH of you should be doing differently...you can't expect your boyfriend to do all the compromising. Turning to the internet affair puts you on his same level...if he is making changes, then you can too, and that means saying goodbye to mr. internet.

If you have to tell him it is interfering with your productivity at work (which it is) and that you need to work on the real relationship that is in your life, and not live in a fantasy world...

internet "relationships" are the worst kind...because the person on the other side of the screen can say anything and make you feel on top of the world...but that isn't reality...reality is the man you go home to, the one you can see touch smell and hear...get your head out of the clouds and it will be easier for you to get back to what's real & important.

Answer 2

You are very smart in identifying that there is something lacking in your relationship...total commitment. Your boyfriend has refused to make the ultimate commitment to you by divorcing his wife. In a way this has placed you second. I think...because of personal experience....you enjoy this relationship with the other man because you gain some sense of relationship control , I don't mean that in any insulting way at all...I used to do the same thing by only dating married men...I could walk away anytime and not get hurt. You know you are wanted but this gives YOU the opportunity to make them beg for your attention. You need someone who will be completely committed to YOU. You are getting the shaft and are going feel like, you have been on an empty pursuit for a long time if you don't start searching for the right thing.

Answer 3

Oh god another silly on line affair. This has to be your first on line fling? Once you have one you understand, online is for online. Don't get too wrapped up in it. the boyfriend...... 8 yrs and he's still not divorced? Married man online and a married man offline. Not sure if these two guys are winners, or if it's you that's the winner? I say the three of you should keep in very close touch so what ever it is you have doesn't spread. Lord knows we don't need the three of you running loose messing up anymore lives. Good Luck

Answer 4

Don't stop until the divorce is final. He has no right to be up- set with you, your boyfriend has a wife. You've been with him 5 years and he has yet decided that your good enough for him to get a divorce. You should move on aside from the fact that your having an on line affair.

Answer 5

U have a secret affair with someone on-line. U are married with little ones. imagine properly, U already enhance your spouse and youngsters and as U suggested U aren't any more prepared to leave your major different. it really is nice that U have an excellent questioning. would not count U made a sacrifice to call it off together with your on-line contact. a minimum of U keep the completed kinfolk from any sadness and separation.What ensue if U proceed, your spouse and youngsters will destroy and U will lost all what U already sow. As any more, sidestep such relationship and concentrate on your spouse and youngsters.

Answer 6

Tell you what to do??? Is it that difficult? If you truly care about your boyfriend leave this other man alone. Especially since he is married. What do you think his wife would think? Do you not care about anyone but yourself? Ofcourse I don't know why you would stay with someone for five years when he is married to another woman. What's wrong with you? There is a lot of single men out there. Leave the married one's alone before you get your as$ kicked by some mans wife.

Answer 7

We all need a good Friend. You speak to your boy Friend and convince him that this on line affair is not going to affect your relationship and that you like him and want to be with him the way he is. His reaction is more of insecurity and you should help him to overcome this. Once he is convinced that he is not going to loose you he will start enjoying your other affair. Never compare your boy Friend with others and respect his individuality. You may try involving your boyfriend in your conversation with this on line Friend. The idea is to convince your boy Friend that this on line friendship is going to bring you closer and strengthen your relationship rather prove a threat to it. All the best.

Answer 8

You can't always trust people who are having affairs. They can have the sweetest spouse in the world but still tell you that it's such an awful relationship.

Ditch him and quit hooking up with married guys online and off.

Answer 9

What do you WANT to do? You've created this situation. How would feel if your boyfriend was having this type of "online affair" as you've called it? Would you still trust him? What would ask him to do regarding it? I think you need to respect what you have offline because that's physical reality while this online relationship is not going to move into anything meaingful for your or his over satisfaction. Time to let the online dude go...focus on what's really important!

Answer 10

This is what my ex boyfriend did to me. I was ready to marry him after 3 years then he started Talking to some stupid person on the other end of a computer. Now i cant trust any man with a computer. Good ****** job and thanks for ruining it for the rest of us. Throw out your damn computer and delete your email address. wow that was hard.