Is looking at porn cheating?

Question

I am so pissed my husband was looking at GIRLS now I just want to get back at him how do I deal?

I believe even to lust after another women is commiting adultery in her heart!

Answer 1

YES well at least i consider it cheating. The bible says even thinking improper thoughts of somebody is considered cheating.

Answer 2

I think it depends on how you look at it. I can't tell you how to get back at him. You catching him in the act was probably enough embarrassment for him.

I just wanted to comment on how interesting it is that so many guys think us women are insecure if we get upset or feel hurt that our husbands, boyfriends, etc. look at porn or go to strip clubs. To the point even that you have other women telling you it's okay and it's normal. I suppose if us women went out to a strip club or watched other men naked it wouldn't bother them a bit would it? I think fantasizing about being with someone else would be very hurtful to the other person. I'm glad I've never had to deal with this personally.

Men may or may not act on anything, but using the whole "I'm just looking, I'm a man" excuse is pathetic and stupid. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing women complain about their men saying that. I guess us gals have let them get away with that stupid excuse for too long.

If you want to watch it together, fine. If it upsets you then you need to make it known to your husband. I don't necessarily see it as cheating, but I can understand why it would make you upset.

Answer 3

This happend to me and my man of 6years. I left him for two months. I had guys calling me all the time and went out (nothing more than coffee or movie nothing serious just needed to boost my confidence again) and I told him "What you didnt want to appreciate with me Other guys will" Its the truth. Go ahead guys look at Porn Stars and Models. Just be open about your fantasys with your women because when we find out it hurts so much.We feel cheated on. I try so hard to look great and be his one and only but when hes admiring something else I feel horrible and ugly and not good enough. Everytime we made love I thought of those girls. My self esteem was Shot to hell. Im so sorry you are going through this. Men think its harmless cuz your not physical. Its worse...its a fantasy that doesnt include us. Make him understand that.

Answer 4

i believe looking at porn is cheating unless you do it together. I really don't know how you can "deal" with this but I think letting him know how you feel is a start. I feel the same way you have every right to be pissed. This is not true --what people say... "how men are"... don't except that. I know alot of men who would not do that, and think that men who do- are jerks and don't appreciate what they have. Remember there are people with morals out there. Don't settle!

Answer 5

I am in your situation too. I caught my husband downloading porn. I confronted him about and he said he won't do it again. I know he's still looking at the stuff because he's always deleting his temporary files in his laptop. This has really deteriorated our relationship. We haven't been intimate in a long time. I thought it was me, but he has a problem. As much as I want to tell you it's not really a big thing, I believe it is. If your man isn't intimate with you, talk to him, and start seeing a marriage counselor. I'm going through that right now. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with looking at an attractive woman. However looking at porn is often motivated by the arousing effect it has on the viewer. This doesn't mean that every time someone looks at porn they are looking at sex objects, but usually. You really haven't given much info about what kind of porn? How much time he is spending doing it etc. Maybe it is a one time thing an exploration, or maybe it is a time consuming habit and he is a sex addict. Trying to get even is not a very healthy response. Maybe trying to understand would be better. Maybe researching pornography and sex addiction would be better.

Answer 7

If you feel that looking at porn is cheating then that all that really matters. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else says. If you feel that it is then it is.

You need to explain to your husband that you are upset about this issue and that you both need to discuss it and come to a solution because if you don't then resentment will build and it will destroy your marriage. If either of you care about the marriage you need to figure this out ... QUICKLY.

You shouldn't have the attitude of "getting back at him" either that is just going to build resentment on both sides.

Answer 8

my hubby was doing the same thing for a while, I was mad and hurt because I always gave him what he wanted when he wanted it, and I'm in good shape, I also wanted to get back at him but decided that that was not the way to deal with things so instead I talked to him about it and I told him that it bothered me he realized that he was abit addicted to it but I helped him work through it. it's a long story so if you want you can write me and we'll talk, I know what you are going through. hang in there it will be okay, just don;t get back at him that will only make things worse and not better and I"m sure you want to stay married, don;t sink down to his level, raise up and HELP him. porn is an adiction to many people and like drugs there is a way out with a litte help, so help him don;t hurt him, I"m sure you love him. lets talk. write me !!

Answer 9

Perhaps hurtful, but not cheating. I mean if you have communicated to him that you don't like him looking @ it. I can understand you being hurt. But is it cheating for him to be watching? That is tricky. I don't really think it is. Physical (sexual) contact, emotion connection is cheating, looking at porn is different, no contact. But if you feel he has established some type of emotional connection with this. Them maybe you two should get some counseling.

Answer 10

Nope! I don't consider it cheating anyway. Most of the time the guy is thinking of stuff like "hey maybe I should try that with my gf/wife" or something like that. I'm sure if you told him you watched porn while he wasn't there he wouldnt mind, (infact it would probably turn him on haha) but I guess if it really bugs you then you could talk to him about it, but that would probably cause more trouble.... or you could switch all his porn collection with gay porn that should piss him off

Answer 11

Would you call him a cheat if he looked at another woman... not touch not even talk to her.... that's all it is. Perhaps you could try using this to your advantage rather than see it as a fault. If things are slow and unadventurous in the bedroom, you could use this to get creative perhaps. Oddly enouhg my parents (as open as they are) told me that's what they did. Mom was dissapointed at first, but then flipped it around in a good way.

Don't get back at him. This will kill the relationship. It's a man being a man.