I want to break up with him, but I'm pregnant with his child! Should I consider adoption?

Question

I met a man at school and we started dating. We were careless, and I got pregnant. I am not prepared for being a mother nor do I want to be one. I am not in love with this man, but he loves me dearly. I can't stand him. I don't even want to see his face. I feel trapped! I have recently been considering adoption because I feel a child deserves two parents, and I tried to discuss this with him, but he has made his mind up that he will not give in to adoption. Please help. I don't know what to do. Should I try to go through with adoption anyway and let the courts battle it out?

If you just came here to judge me then you can leave your poisonous words inside of your filthy mouths.

Answer 1

no, dont give it up for adoption that baby deserves to have a good mom like you. if you dont have feelings for this man tell him how you feel . make sure the child knows the dad as it grows up. but you dont have to stay with him , however let him be a parent to

Answer 2

Sometimes we do, do stupid things but giving this baby up for an adoption could be stupid. You may not be ready right now of wanting to be a mom,But when you get that baby in your arms the one you carried for nine months and felt it move in side of you and sit and look at the pictures that the doctor took . You will or i hope you will change your mind. You may not love this guy that you where with, But give the baby a chance. If you are close to your parents talk to them about it. And see what they say or talk to a close friend.A child is a gift from god ,But if you are not going to love this child then maybe you need to give it a good home to someone that will love it please don't get me wrong I'm not saying that you don't love the baby i am just saying if you can't bring your self to love the baby then maybe you should give it a good home. I know a family that would might take it in.

Answer 3

this is a typical situation oddly enough there are multiple reason why u may feel the way u do and so there are many things u can do. Some time do to hormones a woman can become irritable and despise the father ( think : did these feelings of hating him happen before or after u got pregnant??) there is also prebirth jitters where u feel u are overwhelmed by this up coming burden. Usually if it is any of the previous two they will subside within 2 hr to two weeks after bonding time has passed. if after this time u feel the same would u consider giving him SOLE costody ? do u feel he is capable if u try to give the child up that is what the courts are going to do anyway see if he is capable or at least willing to take care of his child. trust me my brother's girlfriend went through the same thing now two years later she is glad he got custody because she feels mentally ready to be a mother and she knows who has been raising her child and there are no worries about how he has suffered from not knowing who she is and other potential worries parent have once they have time to think about their deicision. Think about it do u want this child to hunt u down 30 years from now wit a whole bunch of question and mental problems because they think ( thought ) u don't care about them the one person who should????

Answer 4

I know this happened exactly to a kid I know and the child went into foster care for 9 months and then the father ended up with it and the mother had to pay child support with limited visitation. Think hard before you make up your mind because it's the baby's life not just your feeling of the father. If you decide to keep the baby he can have visitations with out seeing you. There also a thing called open adoption that is great in this case because you are young.

Answer 5

The problem with letting the courts battle it out is that by the time they make a decision regarding his parental rights, the child is usually 2-3 years old and who do you think will have been taking care of that child for that time? You!!! It's effed up, completely, but it has happened to a lot of women.

Have you asked him if he wants sole custody of the child? If he does, then I would contact an attorney to give him sole custody once the child is born. If he doesn't want sole custody and is just using this pregnancy to keep you attached to him, then I would consult with an attorney about the best ways to go through an adoption.

You could claim that he is not actually the father. That way, you would be able to seek an adoption on your own without him trying to block you. I believe, depending on your area, that the only thing you have to do in those instances are "try" to find the "father" by posting in a newspaper or online. After a certain length of time with the "father" not responding, you will be legally cleared to go through the adoption because you will have shown that all possible efforts were utilized to offer him his rights to the child.

This is a very tricky situation to be in, I'm so sorry.

The very best thing to do would be to get in contact with an attorney as soon as you possibly can. Some private adoption agencies can refer you to an attorney who can help you through the process and also put a little pressure on him to go ahead and sign away his rights.

No matter what, do not get stuck with the child after you give birth unless you change your mind about motherhood.
Best of luck!
Peace,
Jenn

Answer 6

If the man wants to be part of the baby's life then let him be you can't just open your legs and expect for there not to ever be any consequences
and you also cant take a baby away from someone just b/c you don't want to be part of the baby's life
regardless if you let the courts battle it out they will give custody to the father whom wants the baby before they would give it to an adoption agency and yes the baby deserves 2 parents and maybe the guy will find a nice woman and marry her but the baby would have 2 parents if you held off opening your legs until you were sure!
Man I just can't believe some people
I don't expect by no means to get the 10 points but anybody in their right mind would be telling you were to go
For future reference keep your legs together!

Answer 7

HONESTLY!!
If you want to give your child up for adoption and the father refuses to sign over his right to his child there is nothing you can do about it, he has every right to want to raise this child. if you don`t want the baby let his or her father raise them, someone who is willing to give this child the love they deserve. Why does it bother you if , your willing to give the baby up, if the father takes over being the responsible parent? I know some single fathers that take great care of their children. Do you think the reason you feel like you don`t like him could be your hormones being out of control right now. You need to calm down and really think this over if you really want to give your baby to his or her father and have nothing to do with the child, because that's what will happen to the baby, they father will get full custody. Yes pregnancy can be a stressful time and definitely emotionally time but, don`t make decisions on your emotions and regret it later.

Mother of 3 and 27 weeks pregnant

Answer 8

First I commend you for wanting to go ahead and giving the baby a chance at life. I wish more people thought that way. If the father is a stable person with the means to raise the child the courts will give him custody. Two parents is the ideal situation but your baby also has the right to his/her father and think of the grandparents. I actually think that it is great that he cares,so many men don't. Can you imagine if the situation were reversed and someone tried to keep your baby from you.You may not want to be a mom right now but someday you might and you would want to put a hurtin on some one that stood in your way,trust me.

Answer 9

You need to give the baby to him after birth....this child deserves two parents...that's true...but can also be loved by one. I am a single mother & no matter what people tell me about a child deserving two parents...I know in my heart I am going to love my baby to the fullest...I will do whatever it takes for my child to be happy.

If you do not want this child....he/she deserves a loving parent....since the father will not give up his rights...than give him full custody...don't punish this child nor the father for you not wanting to become a mother.

I hope I didn't sound rude..or offend you.....

Answer 10

You first need to decide whether you're ready to be a Mom or not. If you are not and he still wants this baby then you need to decide if you're prepared to sign over your parental rights to him once the baby is born. You won't be able to put the child up for adoption without his consent. If he wants the baby then he'll have to take over complete responsibility.

Answer 11

If he really wants the child why not just surrender custody to him? Would he be a good father and can he take care of it? Is he willing to put all his time and money on an infant? Ask him this. Surprisingly alot of men do make amazing single fathers. If you don't want a child at least let him be the father he wants to be.