I met my boyfriend about eight years ago. Even though we lived in different states, we became very good friends and eventually began dating. We stayed in our long distance relationship for over five years before moving in together in January. It was hard emotionally and finacially, but we made it work.
I've known since I was a child that I wanted to get married. I am the first real relationship he's ever had, and he's never thought about marriage in positive terms. However, I've devoted almost a decade to this man, and I find that the official-comfortable-reassuring status and benefits of marriage is something I really want.
Under pressure, he's asked me to marry him in the past, only to renig later. When I moved in, he asked me to give him a year to "think about it", but its clear to me that he's not changing his mind about marriage anytime soon.
Advice? Thoughts? Insight?
2007-05-08 11:00:47 · 13 answers · asked by Nikki J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are looking to marry and have children, he may not be the man to give you what you need. He is being as upfront about it as it seems he can be. It does not sound like he wants to lose you, but forcing him into a marriage he does not want, would not be something he would someday thank you for. You can stay or go, it is really up to you.
2007-05-08 11:36:56 · answer #1 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on if he is unsure. Maybe he just isn't ready for marriage right now. You don't know if he will be ready in 2 months, 6 months, whenever. You have to give him time if you truly love him, and you want to spend your life with him. Do not get married because you want the status and the benefits of marriage. Get married to him if you cannot see yourself without him, and that you can devote your life to him until death do you part. Never consider divorce unless there is cheating, abuse, or addiction. Don't ever consider it before marriage "there's always a way out if I'm not happy with him."
2007-05-08 11:40:03 · answer #2 · answered by SillierKimmy! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to marry you , Sorry but true.. You have indeed devoted much time and commitment to this relationship. But right now he is very comfortable with where he is. He is already getting the benefits, So why would he want to change that? You want a husband and a family, He wants all the benefits and none of the responsibility , And he's going to milk this one for as long as he can. He will never give you what you want, So it is time to start looking elsewhere. Best of luck..
2007-05-08 12:07:27 · answer #3 · answered by master_escrimador 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to marry you. If this isn't a red flag enough for you, I don't know what is. If your goal is to get married, you are wasting your time here. At least he's being honest with you - take this information and do what you wish with it. If you are happy in this relationship and want to stay, perhaps you have to come to terms with the fact that marriage is not a part of the equation.
2007-05-08 11:37:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First give this relationship some time. Yes I understand you have been in a long term with your bf but are just now truely in a relationship. you both need time to get to know each other and the ways that you each live, and communicate in person. wait the year and see where both your feelings stand. and weather you can even live under the same roof.
2007-05-08 11:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by ladysilverhorn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ALL relationships eventually end. The only relationship that you will have for your entire life is the relationship you have with yourself. Do what is best for you. Put yourself first.
But, keep in mind although you have known him for eight years, you have only been living with him since January. Give him the year he asked for to "think about it." If he's not ready then, at that time MAKE YOUR CHOICE.
Do not give him an ultimatum or try to force him to marry you.
2007-05-08 11:43:20 · answer #6 · answered by dragonsong 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's clear to you that he's not changing his mind, why are you still there?
bite the dust and move on gal. You have a lot to offer and your waiting is only going to be more waiting.
Speaking from experience here.
If he doesn't know after all this time, then he will never think you are "right enough" for him.
Get out while you are still young enough to find another mate.
Laura
2007-05-08 11:36:40 · answer #7 · answered by laura_va_2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it in investment terms. You are probably at the prime of your life. Yet you have given it 10 years with no return in sight or any positive indication. What he wants is a live-in girlfriend. This is a very poor investment decision and even worse if you continue to have hope that is not there.
2007-05-08 12:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that you wouldn't want him to marry you under pressure, that may be the first sign of failure
Discuss with him the importance of marriage and find out what he wants from your relationship.
I know that many of us women dream of our wedding day and we should not be denied that.
You may have to move on dear, or discuss what his wants are from your relationship. Good luck
2007-05-08 11:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by stormey_84074 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer and that is if you want to get married and he doesn't your wasting your time with him. Talk with him and let him know how serious you are about this, a heart to heart talk may do the trick. If he still keeps putting you off, then search your heart for what is best for you.
2007-05-08 12:24:07 · answer #10 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋