Should a marriage be destroyed for a after an affair?

Question

I had an affair!
I wanted sex and I went out and got it when husband was in IRAQ, so what?
My husband had 28 years in army and could retire now but NO, he want the 30, aand full bennys!
He could get that now I found out because he's had 4 tours in a comabat zone!

I found out less then a 1/2 hour ago, that if I go to civil court for violation of maritial contract I'm goin to lose big!
I was told I need to sign over everything including our home or I'm finished!
My 4 sons all teens now wont even talk to me, and when they do call me a C**T and other names!
I honestly think my husband should take me back because I was a good an faithful wife for 25 years, and just because I made a mistake should not destroy our family!

We can both learn from this experiance! when he's over in a war zone I should have the right to enjoy sex with anyone I want to, because I ***** at him for killing inocent women a children, and theaten to divorce him for it!

What am I goin to do Now?

Answer 1

We all make mistakes, some worse than others.
There is no "standard" here. Some people will
accept an infidelity with their partner. Some
will even accept repeated unabashed infidelities.

Most, will have a very hard time with it, but if
everything else in the marriage is solid, they can
usually get over it. However, most marriages
have all kinds of other things going on (money
problems, bad sex, problematic children, etc),
so that could be the straw the broke the camel's back.

The fact that he chose to stick out the 30 years
has NOTHING to do with this. Presumably you
knew that he was military when you married him
or you were part of his decision to join the military.

Also, you probably don't want to stay in a failed
marriage because the civil court says one thing
or another. Do you love him? Do you want to
spend the rest of your life with him?

If not, then, yes, you're going to get taken to
the cleaners when you leave him, but ...
that is the price you pay.

Answer 2

You knew what you signed up for when you married him.
This seems like a huge betrayal and so late in the game.
I feel for your sons because in their minds, I'm sure they are proud of their father and all the time he has given his country and feel very confused and betrayed by your behavior.
Your whole family has made great sacrifice, first and foremost, your husband.
It sounds as if somewhere along the way the 2 of you veered from each other both politically and in your private plans for the future and that may be the basis for your justification about the affair.
It seems like an awful waste.
I hope you can make it right with your sons as you are, not only their mother, but their female role model. I can't believe what some people do when they fail to put their children first.
Very sad. I feel for your loneliness but there is so much more than just that at stake.
Hope that piece of *** was worth it and will take you in now that the real men in your life have seen how little they mean to you.

Answer 3

no the marriage should not be destroyed if you think there is something good that you can have together, and rediscover why you feel in love. if that time has past and you don't think it can be rekindle then a break might be an option. In terms of what you consented to legally before marrying then you have to abide by that im afraid. each case like this is very personal but you have to take in account that this was to be for live between you and your husband and only him. you can have all very good reason why you did something, and perhaps needed to do those things. but i see all to often that where adultery occurs the other person really feels crapped on - realising that their partner does not think the world of them. So each of you have very difficult thinking to do. Just try and do it calmly and look out for whats in the best interests of a person you must still care for in some way.

Answer 4

Look at it this way. Reverse your positions. You're busting your ***, fighting for your country, working 20+ hour shifts and eating the equivalent of dog food.

Your husband is at home living it up with the check your hard work sends home.

He has a roll in the hay with some skank back home.

How do you feel?



And you could really stand to support him a little more. Killing innocent women and children? Have you been to Iraq? Or are you just sucking down the spin on things that the media is feeding you? Whether its true or not is immaterial. You ****** around behind his back AND you refuse to support him in his career, a career that was chosen before you were even in the picture judging by the times you listed. You made your bed- now sleep in it.

Answer 5

I found out less then a 1/2 hour ago, that if I go to civil court for violation of maritial contract I'm goin to lose big!
I was told I need to sign over everything including our home or I'm finished!
My 4 sons all teens now wont even talk to me, and when they do call me a C**T and other names!
I honestly think my husband should take me back because I was a good an faithful wife for 25 years, and just because I made a mistake should not destroy our family!

Answer 6

There is a big difference between honest non-monoagomy and cheating.

It sounds to me that you want an honest non-monogamous relationship with your husband when he's away on tour. But, it also clear that this is not something your husband wants. Therefore, he considers you a cheater and will most likely have trouble ever trusting you again. And, without trust the relationship has most likely been destroyed.

What do you do now? Either cultivate an atmosphere where your husband may once again come to trust you or find someone more... compatiable.

Answer 7

Sadly, divorce courts don't see things that way. You entered into a legal contract that said you would be faithful NO MATTER WHAT and if you aren't, then you lose everything. That's the problem when you marry w/o a prenup. As far as your kids calling you a c**t, I'm wondering if maybe there isn't more wrong with your family other than a lonely, under sexed wife. Under the United States Constitution, your husband is a hero, ma'am. Good luck trying to prove otherwise.

Answer 8

You entered into a legal contract that said you would be faithful NO MATTER WHAT and if you aren't, then you lose everything. That's the problem when you marry w/o a prenup. As far as your kids calling you a c**t, I'm wondering if maybe there isn't more wrong with your family other than a lonely, under sexed wife. Under the United States Constitution, your husband is a hero, ma'am. Good luck trying to prove otherwise.

Answer 9

WOW. umm im sorry lady .
he has a reason to be over withh you.
he is serving are country and then you go and screw someone while he is gone. If you cant be faithful and screw around with other guys than it is his right to divorce you .
& dont tell threaten to divorce him thats really crappy .
people and the war already have to deal with almost getting killed daily and alls you wanna say is ohh well i wanted sex so i cheated . not only does ur husband have to deal with you cheating and 4 kids and the war he is fighting .
he proably feels like **** and you need to treat him better.
You should go to a marrage counsleour and fix your relationship and not cheat.
If you really love your husband enough you wont cheatt.
how would you feel if he was hooking up with women and you were at home watching his children. and im sure you would want a divorce too.
:] mkayy bye bye

Answer 10

Generally speaking, I agree that people deserve a second chance, but there are exceptions to the rule.

Anyone who'd screw around on their husband while he is in a combat zone deserves a swift kick in the butt, not a second chance.

Reading between the lines of what you say about your husband and kids, they are going to be well rid of you. You might not have cheated, but I'll wager you were not a good Army Wife all those years.

I hope he gets the house the kids, and alimony from you!