To all the single mothers.. DO you agree with this response I got about child support?

Question

YOU decided to have and keep this child, so tough! Take responsibility. This man obviously wants nothing to do with you, or your child so let him be. Women depending on child support is a way of life now a days. If you were financially unstable you shouldn't have had this child. Not to say what he did is right, but be better than him. Be everything your daughter needs you to be. One day this will make you and your daughter a better and stronger person. Don't think his life isn't hard as well. He has two other kids, they need to be taken care of, too.

SIDE NOTE: Put yourself in the shoes of the men you call deadbeats, as*h*l*s, losers, etc... try MAKING yourself responsible for a kid you have no feelings for, giving a large portion of your hard earned income to a stranger, being linked to a person you want nothing to do with. The U.S.A. has the dumbest laws on child support ever, and it is a shame that so many women are dependent of the law for revenge to make themselves feel better

THIS WAS MY QUESTION........

My daughter's father and I moved to Fl. from NJ about 4 yrs ago. Well right after I had my daughter (about 2 1/2yrs ago) we split up. Well since then he has had 2 more children and moved back to NJ. He would send $50 on month and $100 the next month and nothing the next.. I could not depend on his support so I filed for child support. Now he is requesting a paternity test and wants to come all the way to FL for the hearing (when it can be done via phone). I believe he is just trying to prolong the process. Im not worried about the paternity part because he signed the birth certificate so child support will not pay for that and neither will he. Now he says he is not sending anything to help take care of his child until the order is final because child support will not record what he sent. So now Im struggling to provide for my daughter on my own. The child support process is time consuming!! What can or should I do? Please give me some suggestions!!

It actually a response from a woman.. My guess is that she is currently dating a deadbeat.. .LOL

Answer 1

You've got to be kidding me? This argument has been going on for years. First of all, having the child isn't the issue - that's in the past. The child is here and needs to be taken care. Second, whether or not the man or the woman wanted to have the child, wants anything to do with the child, whatever, this child was creating out of the fact the two people in question had sex - I guess he wanted that, just not the responsibility after. Since he already has 2 other children, you'd think he would have learned his lesson and took the necessary precautions to prevent the pregnancy. Now, I understand that the pill can fail, a condom can break, the woman swore she couldn't have children, whatever the case may be, this man (and woman) could have pulled up their pants and said, "no" - thus, the pregnancy wouldn't have occured.

I think paying child support is so misunderstood. Most people ordered to pay, whether or not they have physical contact with the child, have a hard time paying not only because it becomes a financial burden on them, but they assume that the support will be misused and that the child really isn't in need of it or the other parent is going out partying on their money. Granted, some women and men have abused the child support they receive, but a large majority don't and the person who spoke to you in this manner needs to be reminded of that.

I'd also remind this person that your life is hard as well - and being the only person taking care of this child makes it that much harder. Remind the person of their struggles with raising their children. Were there times that they couldn't afford food, or diapers, or a babysitter to get some respite of their own. People forget about their past when making assumptions of another's life.

I could care less if this man wants anything to do with you, and if he's unwilling to pay child support, that should show you he was never worth your time to begin with. But, this man needs to take responsibility for his actions. He consented to the sex, now consent to the consequences.

I hope you aren't one of those women looking to bury this man though. If you're not, then you can either settle on an amount (after he proves to you what he can afford to pay and still survive himself) or have the State Enforcement Agency go after him on their calculation if he's unwilling to talk and compromise. Remind him of the consequences. Now a days failure to pay support will result in imprisonment. It's crazy, but people need to think before they play.

Answer 2

This happened to me also, and he thought he could keep stalling, but when it came down to it, HE was the father. He had a large bill from child support he ended up having to pay, and I got his tax returns for a while also. He does make alot of money, and my child support payments could be more then what I am getting, but I only have him pay the daycare bill. I do not use the money for anything else, except the child we made together and he left me with alone. I find it offensive that I get put into a group of "woman living off of child support" I have always worked and I held up my side when we made this child, it was a sad day when I relized that my childs father was not able to do his part in our family. It does not "make my child stronger" to have a father who is not part of his life. If all he can do is pay some money, because the law make him, then I thank the child support system for helping me get it.

Answer 3

I dont agree with this comment. You BOTH created this child. You were together during the pregnancy, he was there for the birth and acknowleged his daughter by signing the certificate. His IS responsible for helping support this child. I am sure that whoever wrote this comment is clearly lacking any experience in this and really doesnt have a right to say anything, more likely than not he is a "father" himself and wasnt man enough to stick around now is wages are being garnished (ha!). My sons father and i split up when i told him i was pregnant and that i wasnt getting an abortion. I made him choose whether he was going to be there or not.. he chose not. I knew what i was getting myself into and have not spoken to him since, his name is not on the birth certificate or any other identifying document. Your situation is differnt because of the fact that he acknowledged that baby. You were going to be in this together. He just cant pick and choose when he wants to be a father now.

Answer 4

The person who had the child isn't the only one who made a decision to take the actions which resulted in a child. All persons involved are responsible the MOTHER AND the FATHER. Child support doesn't even come close to providing for the needs of a child. If the parent has more than one child then they should carefully consider that before having others. Child support is for the welfare of the child and the laws don't even begin to adequately cover the needs of the child/children.

This person sounds very bitter and uninformed to me.

Answer 5

I don't agree with you on several issues. It is the responsibility and I mean the ones about this is OUR child that we made together. If they both (man and woman) didn't have enough responsibility to play SAFE why shouldn't they both have the responsibility of seeing the child get what they need in life. Why do we let the MAN off the hook? Your reasoning sounds like you want to be a MARTYR -- well, if you both played in the fire then you should both get burnt! Two people make a life two people are responsible for that life. Isn't that too bad that the man who was the sperm donor has no feelings...that's fine he doesn't have to but he has to help with financial needs. REVENGE MY BUTT! Help raising an innocent fetus is the name of the game...If this child is a stranger whose fault is that? You just don't get it do you? I bet your bf has to pay child support to another , doesn't he? It p's you off! lol too bad!

Answer 6

I agree. Funny how women are just as responsible as men for making children - and yet how the men are the ones that people want to hold their knuckles to the fire. What ever happened to personal responsibility? Don't have sex unless you can support a baby - regardless of if you are male or female.

Women DO hold the power in court (regardless of what anyone will tell you).

I also find it ironic that women can take the life of their unborn child and men has no say...yet if the woman wants the baby and the man doesn't the man is still financially responsible.

Can you say "double standard"?

Answer 7

Well I am a firm believer in there are 2 sides to everything, in MOST situations there are always fault of both people. There are also deatbeat dads out there who don't want anything to do with their kids and think that they shouldn't have to pay anything because they think that their sperm donation was enough! BUT and this is a big but there are also deatbeat moms out there that don't take care of their kids and depend on welfare to take care of their kids instead of getting a job and sponging off the government. You situation sounds a lot like mine but I actually was only with the guy for a few months when I got pregnant. He also had 2 other kids (by 2 different other women I might add) to support, I got a paternity test which he didn't fight and he didn't fight starting to pay child support either, BUT I rarely ever got anything. Also in the 2 years in my daughters life before my now husband adopted her he didn't see her at all, didn't want to, didn't act like he ever wanted to and you know when he signed over his rights so my husband could adopt he said it was so he didn't have to pay child support anymore! I am so glad that drama is over and that he's not allowed to be her father anymore! They also don't have strict enough laws for guys that don't pay child support. I know that there are some instances where they can't but when a guy goes 6 months without paying there should be higher consequences! I feel for you and people need to realize that there are deatbeats of every fashion out there, moms and dads but in your case they shouldn't treat you like that, good luck, I am praying things will work out for you!

Answer 8

No I don't agree. I don't understand how someone could have no feelings for their own child. That is so sad. He does deserve a paternity test. However, if it's his kid. He should also be responsible for helping raise it. I believe, if there is no contact and all rights are given up. Then I would not ask for child support. Difficulties financially or not. It would be good reddens. There is help out there. Social security, social services, churches, etc. I wish you luck in finding them. So you know if you choose to go after child support and he does give up rights, I don't blame you. I just wouldn't personally.

Answer 9

Okay Hunny, first I am not a single mother but my sister and brother are, after their loved one decided that they didn't want to be in the childrens lives that they brought into this world. I wonder why you would have such harsh feelings? To let let you in on a little secret over 80% of all single mothers and fathers were once with the singifacate other and they DECIDED they didn't want their child anymore. And if people, both men and women didn't want to have children,
When they had sex would have used protection or not have sex at all. It is not the childs fault in this, revenge I think not it is for the simple fact of survival. I really don't understand your hatered against women. And how come he gets to support two other children, but not the other one why are they more needy than his other child?

Answer 10

It takes TWO to make a baby. Two people need to support the child; otherwise the state does (thru welfare, food stamps, WIC and so on) and then *I* am stuck paying for your lack of sense when you had sex!!! I don't THINK so!

If you don't want to pay for kids, have a fricking VASECTOMY. WEAR A CONDOM, TAKE THE PILL. WHATEVER.

Now the baby's here, you gotta pay. And I have no sympathy for any man who absconds on his responsibilities, especially if he went and made TWO MORE BABIES when he can't afford the first one? Puh-leeease!

And hey - you picked this loser to breed with.

The child support laws *are* ridiculous. the US isn't supposed to have debtor's prison, yet deadbeat parents are jailed regularly for failing to pay.

If you haven't been able to make this man's life a living hell, you're not working the system right. (My husband supported all his kids, even when it meant he had to go homeless and hungry. If he could do it with all the crap he had to put up with from his ex, anyone esle can too)