Is it ok when your fiancee puts his brother over you?

Question

He said he could live without anybody else (including me), except for his brother. do i need to find someone else that will be more willing to put me first. im not self centered, but this really bothers me. any suggestions? 1 week ago
he also blamed me for him not talking to his brother often enough, like it's my job to tell him to call his brother.

Answer 1

if you marry this young man this is what you will always be putting up with . Him putting his family before you . end it now or be forever sorry you started it . It is obvious his family means more to him than you do . Believe me i know i faced something similar only that man was 45 and still putting his family first I ran like hell . good luck to you .

Answer 2

Welcome to my life. My fiancee does the same thing, except he has two brothers so mine is twice as bad. Sometimes I think the car comes before me too. But he really would never put anyone first. Think about this logically, if he did not see you as number one would you have a ring on your finger. Just make sure he always gets brother time. Invite his brother over for dinner every other week and play nice. It is hard because families drift apart some when people get older, he probably just misses hanging out with his brother. As long as they get some quality time together everything will be fine. Besides..... who does he come home to at night?

Answer 3

Well even though you two are not married it doesnt mean that you arent important to him. He loves his brother and thats a good thing but take my word for it he'll never change. He will always put his family first before you. My husband and I have been married for 3 yrs now and he still puts his family before our son and I. He even cancelled a date we had so we could talk about our marriage and have a night for us without our son so he could fix their kitchen sink. So I would be very careful with the decision you make because you are always going to be unhappy if you do marry him. Plus he blames you for him not talking to his own brother? Thats soo uncalled for. He can pick up a phone and call him whenever he wants to. Regardless how you feel about him. So thats no excuse. I think you should think really hard about exactly what you wanna do.

Answer 4

On the one hand, family relationships that were important before you got married are going to continue to be important afterwards and you can't expect to be put first 100% of the time. There are times when his brother may need him more and times when you may need him more and hopefully he will adjust his behavior according to the situation.

That being said, it is very odd to explicitly tell the person that you're going to marry that there's only one person in the world you can't live without and it's not the one you're about to commit to for life. Before you decide anything, sit down and talk to him. Reassure him that you have no intention of coming between him and his brother, but that you need to know he's going to be there for you when you need him to. Explain that you do feel hurt by what he said and that you want to feel important in his life as well. It sounds like he's very close to his brother and always will be, but he's making a decision to marry you and you need to know that he understands what you expect out of this relationship.

Answer 5

There is a special bond between brothers as I'm sure there is between sisters. I am guilty of putting my brother before my wife in certain instances. At the same time I have put my wife before my brother. I know though that if he needed me at anytime I would be there for him in a minute, even if that meant putting my wife second. It's not a real problem because my wife and my brothers wife realize that we need to spend time together and allow us to play volleyball or golf. We also do things as a couple.

Answer 6

If he's asked you to marry him, then you guys will be a family, and your first loyalty should be to him, and his to you. If he puts ANYONE ahead of you, that's a major red flag to you. You're absolutely right to want someone who will put you first.

I'm not saying that my husband ALWAYS puts me first. Let me explain. There are times that he has to go to work. Would I love to spend all day with him, talking with him, etc? Of course I would! But, there are bills to be paid, etc., and since I'm a stay at home mom, he's got to go out and earn a living. So, in a way of looking at it, his working IS putting me first, since that's what provides for our family financially. I can honestly say that neither of us has consciously made a decision to choose someone else over each other. He's even made it clear to his sister that I came first.

If your fiance is NOT willing to do this, you need to re-evaluate the relationship. Only you can decide what to do here, but if it were me, I'd bail out before walking down that aisle. You deserve a man who will put YOU before his family.

p.s. my son also plays the bass clarinet!! ;-)

Answer 7

Once you are married, your future husband should put you 1st place in his priorities. You become his concern and you become his other half. If he is telling you that he is fine living without you but not without his brother, you need to question yourself if you can deal with his comment for the rest of your life. Some may say he will change his perspective once he tie the knot, but no, he will not change. So, ask your self, can you live with that?

Answer 8

Brothers are blood. In many cultures, brothers come before wives, at least fiances. If you look at the odds, there is a 50% you divorce each other but the brotherhood is forever. That is his upbringing and if you don't like it, do whatever you wish because he ain't gonna change.

Answer 9

You will always play second fiddle to his brother. If you have to ask, then you probably know what the answer is. The guy's in love with his brother, not you, and your fiancee is not a healthy person. Your fiancee's relationship, or rather, obsession, with his brother is unhealthy. Be very honest in your breakup with him and move on.

Answer 10

Your fiance isn't mature enough to be looking at marrying you or anyone else. He isn't going to be able to handle any relationship with anyone except his brother and you will continue to be annoyed. If this is how you wish to live, then stay with him. Otherwise, I'd cut the cord and run.