I have been married now for 10 years... My husband love porn like most, but he is getting way to involved with it.. I am not noticed, and I am always a piece of *********** ... I cant seem to even make conversation with him ... He finds his own reasons not to make love to me... Sometimes this will go for 6 months or so...... Could someone please help me. I am a woman and I need the little things out of life... Not the negative crap all the time..I know no one could be that bad...I am not perfect by no means, but I have a heart and I do give my all... JUst anouther thought..How much negative crap about oneself, can one withstand throughtout a life time before they {A} start beiling it or {B} they crack.... Thanks anything would be helpful...
2007-05-08 09:11:56 · 20 answers · asked by smiles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sit him down and tell him how you feel and if he doesn't listen or just blows you off then leave his butt for a while and see how he takes it. You might love him but it sounds like he does not love you, or he just needs to be reminded of how much he does love you.
2007-05-08 09:17:28 · answer #1 · answered by Mallory 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An interesting situation to say the least. Do you have an thoughts on why he finds this method of stimuli favorable over you and the bedroom?
The problem that may result in this case if he finds that self gratification is the preferred method to achieve orgasm he may discover that any attempt to engage in sex with you normally may not go off well because he has conditioned himself to respond to this type of stimuli only.
granted this may sound far-fetched but it isn't as strange as you may think. Men are pretty much visual creatures and this is something new to him, hence I think the problem at hand...no pun intended.
In another light...the possibilty that he is masturbating excessively to images on the screen while you aren't around pretty much leaves him in a condition that any attempt at sex with you would be fruitless. Pretty difficult to achieve an erection when you've just spend the time expending every last ounce of energy and semen staring at pixels.
I don't believe that its you. I think perhaps the matter of convienience of the material coupled with the fact that he's self gratifying himself before you can get into bed with him plays a major factor.
Drop me a quick line. I have a suggestion. Know that I have no intention of engaging in any long and drawn out correspondence with you...especially of a lewd and sexual nature. Not my style at all.
want advice or suggestions? I'll gladly impart them. After that it's your advice to take or leave. I'm in this to give you an idea or direction to go in.
2007-05-08 16:41:16 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His negativity towards you is wrong. I recommend a separation. To give the two of you time to think about your relationship. It may be enough to wake him up and start acting right. I would also invite him to couples counselling if you are interested in salvaging your marriage. If during the separation you two decide that it is best to divorce, then divorce. Either way your not going to be happy until you do something. Don´t act jealous about the porn. Don´t argue about it with him. If he thinks that all you want to do is argue, of course he isn´t gonna want to talk to you and want to make love with you.
The porn is a fantasy world he is using to escape. The problem he is having has little to do with you. He is dealing with his issues by not dealing with them. aka: escaping to his fantasy. Have you watched the porn he is into? If not, maybe you could and try and become his fantasy. Trust me, he would rather have a warm body that turns him on than his hand and a t.v. set.
Do not start cheating on him. Do not seek the comfort of another man´s arms. Remember, two wrongs don´t make a right. Either work on your issues with him or divorce.
2007-05-08 16:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by krzylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First - don't blame yourself for the fact that your husband is addicted to porn. Sounds like he is addicted, too. You're not going to get him to consider counseling for it until he admits he has a problem. However - in the meantime -would you consider watching it with him? My husband and I watch it together sometimes. That way, he's not alone and you're not alone. If you're against that - try talking to him, or somehow communicating to him that it has become a problem because the porn is actually coming between you 2. If he's not willing, still, at the very least don't allow him to degrade you or put you down. You might want to consider counseling yourself, if all else fails.
2007-05-08 16:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by martyct 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit playing the Victim card here. We don't care that much....
You have the power to change your life. Just do it!
You are married to a porn addicted child, not a caring sensitive MAN.
1. Tell him to shape his act up or you are leaving.
2. Tell him about your needs, and ask what his are.
3. Be brutally honest with each other when you communicate.
Marriage is hard work. Get going!!!
2007-05-08 16:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say take his attention away from the porn give him some head while he is watching it or put on that sexy nighty he likes it sounds like the both of you are lacking the affection needed if he likes porn watch it with him try some of things that he likes while watching the porn go with him to pick some out you might see something you like to watch and it will bring him back around just give it some time
2007-05-08 16:29:46 · answer #6 · answered by suederay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though you've taken the first step towards positive self image. Porn is an addiction that only progresses until he recognizes a need for change. Sooooo the questions you've addressed only you can answer, & you probably already know what the answer is, just looking for confirmation. If you look for a women's support group via community based agency, you can start there or college group. Good luck.YANA
2007-05-08 16:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by YANA Y 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is addicted to the porn. Over time, this causes desensitization to other people, especially those one is in a relationship in. He needs help, just the same as you would get help for an alcoholic, or drug addict. See if you can find a marriage counselor who has familiarity with helping people overcome addictions to porn. Good luck.
2007-05-08 16:17:43 · answer #8 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-one has the right to treat you like that!I dont care how long you were married to him he sounds like an ***.Please forgive me if that upsets you its just that i use to have a good friend who went through the same thing with her husband and by the time she finally realized that this was actually abuse she was dealing with ,her self esteem was totally dead.Dont let that happen to you!Talk to him,if he wont listen or dont care how you feel,ditch him!
2007-05-08 16:25:04 · answer #9 · answered by p.bidlingmaier 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When asked why men act this way toward their woman the answer is "Because I could". The bigger question is why have you allowed this in your life ? Surely you must realize that you have taught him how to treat you. You are in a loosing situation that will only get worse unless you take back your control of your life.What have you got to lose?
2007-05-08 16:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by Cinna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a tape. Put a porno title on it and put it on top of his stash. Start out the tape by asking "is this the only way I can get your attention? and then ask if watching porn is more important to him then having the actual thing?" It might just shock him enough that he will pen up and be more willing to get help.
2007-05-08 16:25:54 · answer #11 · answered by sportsfanstl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋