How to deal with an unforgiving wife?

Question

My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years (May 22, 2007 will be 3rd Anniversary). We have a lovely daughter of 2-1/2 Years (do the math). We were already engaged when our little "surprise" came along, so we did not just get married because we were pregnant.

Now, neither of us are perfect. I've had some problems with drinking in the past, but I have worked through them and no longer drink to excess when in a situation where I have to be responsible. A while back, I was in a car accident on a country road when a deer stopped in front of my car. I had consumed a total of 2 of beers (I know, I shouldn't have been driving, regardless) but 2 beers does not a drunk driver make. Unfortunately, it's very easy to convict a person of DUI in the USA and that's just what happened. I was forced to take a plea to avoid a long jail sentence.

My wife is absolutely furious with me and has kicked me out of the house. I love my wife and want us to be OK. She refuses to forgive me.

Note: I have learned my lesson on the driving. I will never, EVER get behind the wheel after so much as 1 beer.

I want to emphasize that I do not drink to excess. By excess, I mean more than 1 or 2 drinks a day. 3 drinks is excess. I do not drink that much, unless I have absolutely NO responsibilities (i.e. baby is with babysitter and chores are done).

Answer 1

You may not realize how hard your drinking has been on your family. Maybe the thought, you could have been killed, has crossed her mind. Or killed someone.
It may have just been the last straw for her.
If you want her back, you may consider not drinking altogether, if you cannot do it on your own, AA is a wonderful program. And you can get the support you need to stay on the wagon. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Start by owning up to your mistake. You say you shouldn't have been driving, but then go on to blame the DUI laws for your conviction. Stop blaming the system and take a long hard look in the mirror. She's unforgiving, because you are not remorseful. Given the chance, I bet you will drive after consuming 2 beers again, since you seem to believe 2 beers does not a drunk driver make. If it didn't, then you wouldn't have gotten a DUI. Maybe the laws are strict, but they are for a reason. What would have happened if it had been a small child that stopped in front of you on the road? Or a kid riding his bike? Or another car for that matter? You are lucky it was a deer. That was your wake up call and so far you are ignoring the ring..........
There is no safe limit of alcohol if you are going to be driving. It's not enough that you believe you aren't drinking to excess. You don't always feel the affects of alcohol until it's too late. You shouldn't drink at all, if you're going to be driving, especially if you have your wife and child in the car.

Again I am hearing excuses. You have to decide what is more important to you in your life. Those 1 or 2 beers or your family. She may never forgive you, but giving up alcohol completely would be a good start. If you don't need those 1 or 2 beers this shouldn't be a problem, but if you just can't give them up, then you are an alcoholic. Your just in denial. You can ask yourself, "Don't I deserve to have those 1 or 2 drinks to relax? Aren't I an adult that has free will? The answer is Yes you do deserve to relax, but why do you have to drink to do it? Play a game with your daughter or take a walk with your family instead to wind down. You also have free will and right now you are choosing alcohol over your family and then blaming your wife for not accepting it. She is apparently done with the alcoholic you. you need to show her the non alcoholic version if you have any hope of her taking you back.
I know this isn't what you were wanting to hear. It's just my humble opinion.
I hope you can get yourself and your life with your wife and daughter back on track.

Answer 3

Maybe if you admit to her you were wrong and screwed up she will take you back. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting there is a problem. Are you sure it was only 2 beers? To get a DUI for only 2 beers unless you are 90 pounds seems unlikely. A deer stopping in front of your car also seems unlikely, as they are spooked pretty easily. They never stop, just run in front of. I think the drinking is more of a problem than you want to admit. Get the help you need and see if she accepts that.

And for your information, drinking to excess for you may be a couple every day. 1 or 2 in day might be a bit much. I can honestly say I don't know anyone that has a couple a day, maybe a couple a week. Your drinking is what started this and is keeping it going. Think about it.

Answer 4

Unforgiving Wife

Answer 5

2 beers is not a lot but it does impair your judgement and ability to react.i think as long as there are no other issues you and your wife could benefit from counseling or by talking with your minister or other religious leader.she probaly is more upset because you may not see how serious this really is and that worries her.do not drink and drive and dont make excuses it is against the law and it is dangerous the cemetarys are full of victims killed by someone who only had a couple of beers or a couple of drinks ! thats all it takes.please do go get some help so your wife will know you are sincere.you can save your marriage but this is very important.good luck!

Answer 6

First - just fess up. If you were convicted of a DUI, then according to the law, you were indeed a drunk driver at the moment.

Try to see this from her point of view, if you've had trouble with alcoholism in the past, then this is a big scary thing for her because it brings back all those past memories, and she thinks they'll just repeat again.

The best you can do now is show her, that all those things won't repeat again. Stay stone-cold dry - quite drinking all together. Perhaps that's hard, but isn't your family worth it?

Answer 7

Sorry to say this, but I agree with the other responses.
People who drink don't usually see the mess they make or how much they can hurt others when they are tipsy or drunk.

Sounds to me like this is the final straw.
You must have done lots of other things before and this was it for her. Perhaps she is wondering if she might have been in the car with you- or with your daughter!

AA is the best answer if you REALLY want to change your life. Good luck.

Answer 8

What was your BAL? (blood alcohol level?) Two beers doesn't seem like enough to be illegal.....unless you only weigh 95 lbs....

You might want to take a moment to evaluate the situation. Is your wife looking for a reason to "get out" of the marriage? This might've been just the thing she needed/wanted.

I would ask her point blank if you can come home and make things right. If her answer is "no".....I would hang up, and call the best attorney in town....and I mean THE BEST. Have one meeting with them, to learn your rights (you might be out of a house, since you're the one that left.....and can she claim "abandonment" with the child???).

Think with your head....although I know your heart might be hurting.

Good luck.

Answer 9

You got a problem!

My uncle was killed by a drunk driver, just like you, who thought why not have another drink or two!
You need to lay of the sauce completely and go to AA!

Answer 10

its hard to live with a drunk....once a drunk always a drunk.....thats what she is thinking...are you going to meetings...maybe she needs to go to alananon...or what ever its called....