My husband left me for no reason. Help?

Question

My husband and i got married 5 months ago and he left me for no reason last week. he says it's him and that I am the perfect wife. He rented an apartment this weekend with a 1 yr lease. I have asked him to come back home, but he will not. We are going to marriage counseling and going seperatly as well, though he didn't want to. We are in our 30's and have 3 kids together(from seperate marriages). He say's he has never lived his life on his own, that people have always helped him and that he wants to see how it feels to be 100% resposible for himself and his daughter. If eel abandoned and left me not asking for anything at all from the house. He is torn he says he would like to date me as a friend and maybe sees where it would go, and that's once a week and counseling once a week, but the other time he wants to be alone to do what he wants. I am not going to give up on this until there is no hope. He says he's pulled in both direction, he doesn't know if he wants to try or not. Help?

Answer 1

I am so sorry sweety!! But the truth as I see it, is this guy didn't leave for no reason. He is seeing someone else. If he said that he wants to be 100% responsible for himself and his daughter, that means he doesn't want you in his life. Then he says that he would like to date you as a friend, again he doesn't want to be married to you. I see where you are getting the mixed signals with him saying that he is "torn" and such but I feel he wants out but doesn't have the guts to come out and say it. I understand that you don't wanna let him go but read your question and explanation back to yourself, it sounds as though you are the only one trying to make this work and unfortunately that just doesn't work. I am sorry, I bet you are crushed. For crying out loud you are still newlyweds. He is a jerk!!! Tell him good luck with his new independence and good bye. You will be much happier without the stresses of this one sided relationship.

Answer 2

I have seen this a few times in relationships. And I can relate to your husband in a way. I've been divorced for nearly a year and have an old boyfriend wanting to get married. He is not pressuring me and will give me all the time I need to decide what I want. If he pressured me I would run in the opposite direction. I want to make it on my own and have a sense of accomplishment.
I think you should do the same.
Like the old saying if you let a bird go free and it comes back it is yours. If it doesn't it never was. I'm sure you are hurt and confused by this but be strong. Continue counseling.
Now if he starts dating others then let the war begin.

Answer 3

I don't think you need help, you are doing all the right responsible things. He's the one who left, not you. You have shown amazing flexibility by going to counselling in order to get your problems sorted out -- that was your response to the situation -- counselling. His solution was to move out.

He sounds like he is still interested, but frankly you have gone above and beyond. You take you marriage seriously and therefore his needs seriously.

I'm glad you aren't giving up. Give yourself some credit though. You are handling the situation amazingingly well. Others would have had a grocery list of what is wrong with him.

You have the right to be upset and angry, but you are not letting your anger upset your judgement or keep you from trying to do what needs to be done to save your marriage.

If he lets you go, well I doubt he'll find anyone as good. Best wishes and good luck.

Answer 4

after 5 months and he just leaves you like that...one thing that comes to mind he has something on the side and him telling you "its him not you" is a way to say "im cheating on you and i dont want to hurt your feelings" you are way better off without him and you dont deserve all the turmoil he is creating. Have you ever noticed a change in his attitude or way he does stuff thats usually the first sign of something going on.

My wife left me after 6 months of marriage and said the same thing, we are back together working things out but it was rough when we were split up. She admitted to cheating on me when we split up and everything. Honesty is a big part of a relationship.

I would call him and try your hardest to talk to him, if he doesnt wanna try then you did what you could. Put your mind to ease by doing that. Maybe if you show him you want him back and you can work things out, it might hit him hard. The its me not you thing has me worried though. Its only a way of making you feel better and hoping you wont find stuff out.

Do what you think is right in your heart. Talk to some people and if your religious talk to them also.

Good Luck to you and your kids.

Answer 5

I know this will be hard to take it but just stay with me. He doesn't want to be married anymore. The reason is well just that he want's a taste of the single life while keeping you there just in case it's not everything he had imagined after he is done. If he cares that little where he would pick up and not only leave you but the children as well. Then you need to just let him leave. Maybe file for a legal seperation and move on. Because he obviously wants the best of both worlds and you are the one allowing him to have both.

Answer 6

Too bad he didn't realize this before you two were married, personally I think it's a cop out, something in the relationship isn't working for him, he either thought things were supposed to be perfect or he doesn't feel the need to be tied down. I don't know how many times he's been married prior but I can assume at least once since you both have children from a previous marriage, with that said, since he's been married before and also divorced it shows what he thinks about commitment, you too for that matter. Sorry to say it, but most second marriages usually end divorce.

Answer 7

You got married 5 months ago and now a light comes on and he wants to be alone?! Sounds to me like there are several things that could be wrong. Either he has someone else, has mental problems, or is about to come out of the closet. I hate to sound harsh, but it's reality... It may not be either one... But my advice is to continue counseling for yourself. It might be a good idea to consult a lawyer as well.

Answer 8

Well I am no expert but maybe you should give him a little space. I don't mean to stop trying to be there for him but what it sounds like is that he needs to prove to himself that he can be dependent on his own and needs to acheive that so he can move on with his life with you. A man needs to feel like they are needed by us women. and hey some of us women need to know that we dont need a man. And that we are strong and independent too. I hope this will let you look at it in a different way. Good Luck!! I Really Hope Everything Works Out OK for You Both!!!

Answer 9

You can't cling onto hope when there is none.
He has abandoned you and it sounds like you married someone who is immature.
Just how long did you KNOW this person before you decided to get married.
I would file for a divorce on the grounds of abandonment and have him pay you alimony. He's messed up not YOU.
Good luck.

Answer 10

This is a tough one but I am not sure I believe he thinks your perfect or he would not be doing this. It sounds like he may be confused but why did he wait until you got married? Why did he not hit the brakes before hand. Give it some time but do not be the fool, if he shows no signs or coming back tell him goodbye and maybe that will wake him up. I hope it works in your favor though.