I have been supportive in every way possible. Cooking for his family, giving up holidays to spend with his, along with tip-toeing around him so that his life was as stress free as possible. She passed away 2 weeks ago, leaving behind 3 adult children and a husband. Her husbands birthday is coming up and his son is planning a huge birthday party for him. it just so happens that its on the same day as my mom's yearly memorial day picnic. Its the one holiday she insists on us being there. He flat out told me we cant to go my moms house. That we need to celebrate his uncles birthday and that it would be an insult to ask them to move it to the day before or after etc.. meanwhile we've been doing that with every holiday and birthday with my family. Switching it around etc.. The argument escolated, he slept on the couch and ignored any attempts I made to talk to him today. When we did talk he called me ignorant, disgusting and narcistic and told me I was being selfish. What should I do?
2007-05-08 08:35:32 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, that is a hard one.
It actually sounds like you need some time together.
Maybe you should not go to either party and just do something special for the two of you.
or... try to do both. Make an appearance at the Uncle's birthday and then go to your mom's party.
2007-05-08 08:39:19 · answer #1 · answered by PJ 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is over reacting, and you make it seem like you are the only one who ever makes and compromises. If you are, then you and he need to have a serious conversation. It is not fair to you or your side of the family to have to compromise every single time, if that is truly the case. He is the ignorant, disgusting narcissist if he is not the one who ever sacrifices at all. You should go to your Mom's cookout, but let him go to his Uncle's. Or try to split the day and do both. Either way there has to be a compromise. I understand he is hurting and so is his Uncle, but this is not the end of the world by any stretch.
2007-05-08 09:03:44 · answer #2 · answered by Natterjack9 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it is really important to him to go to the party. It would be an insult to ask the his whole family to move the party just for you. If it is so important to him, you should let him go. That doesn't mean that you have to go, but you shouldn't keep him from going, especially under the current circumstances. He is grieving the loss of his aunt. I'm sure if your aunt died you would want the same consideration. Let him go to the party and you go to your Mom's. If you are upset that you two don't spend enough time with your family, you should tell him so. Tell him you want to back off from some of the holiday visits with his family and spend more time with yours.
2007-05-08 08:51:34 · answer #3 · answered by e_imommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
go to your moms picnic without him if you must.you cannot forsake your entire family for his.you have been very compassionate but his aunt is dead,her children are grown and her husband will manage his birthday without you or your husband.he has his children to celebrate with and he wont be alone.he is being selfish your mom will not live forever either and he needs to realize your family is important too not just his.i am sorry about the aunt passing away but it sounds like you both did as much as you could to make her last days happy ones.good luck.maybe you could compromise by dropping off a gift on the way to your moms or by stopping by afterwards i am sure the uncle would understand.
2007-05-08 08:52:21 · answer #4 · answered by dixie58 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was a small child, our Great Aunt Elsie doted on all of her little nieces and nephews. She was never married, nor had any children, and seemed a bit like Mary Poppins; she always had a little something in her apron pocket for us, from a small piece f candy to a golf ball. When I was a teen, I held high esteem for my mom's younger sister, even wished she were my mother! When my own mother passed this year, we became very close and supported each other in our grief. That reminds me, I need to go call my Aunt! Thank you!
2016-04-01 02:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As heartless as this will sound, let him go to the Uncle's part & you go to your families party. You & your family have done everything BUT flip over backwards for him & his family & apparently he's failed to see that. Although my personal opinion, I wouldn't have done quite as much as you have... none the less YOU need to be rewarded somehow.. so head on to your family's get together & let him stew with his Uncle. If it were me.. & he called me all of those things, he'd be sleeping on the curb & not the couch. As for it being an insult to ask the son to change the party for his Uncle then perhaps he should put the shoe on the other foot for a change!
2007-05-08 08:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't have to not attend YOUR family functions. its not right for him to ask them to move things. why couldn't you attend both? go to the birthday party for a couple hours and then to your moms picnic. there is no need to stay at a birthday party for more then 2-3 hours. if he doesn't agree then you go to your picnic and he can go to the birthday party alone. but this doesn't give him the right to say those kind of things about you. that's verbal abuse, if it happens often then he has a problem and needs help.
2007-05-08 08:46:18 · answer #7 · answered by MiRaNdA rOsE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what, your husband was way out of line in calling you names--just becasue you want some time with your family! Under the circumstances, I would tell him I was going to my mom's party, and he can go to the uncle's party...explain the circumstances to your mom, so she won't be hurt by his not being there, and he can explain to them then this is really important to your mom, and I'm sure everyone will understand.
2007-05-08 09:13:12 · answer #8 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ! Ok so youre not selfish, youve been tiptoeing around for his family and now he cant do this. marriage is about compromise so I guess, you should try to see if he would be willingt o do both things, if he refuses then just do separate things. You have a family too! I hope he realizes youve been so great about the whole situation and decides to apologize for his rude comments! He sounds ungrateful! Hes disgusting for talking to his wife like that! I hope you guys work things out!
2007-05-08 08:45:34 · answer #9 · answered by Naomi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can't you do both?
Do you live close enough that you can go to one's for dinner and one to eat dessert? To have the best of both.
If you do not go to his Uncle's Party, you will regret it. It might be the one year that you will not be able to go to your Mom's. I understand that you have been doing holiday's with his family, but situation is unique and not just to abandon your family. Can't you understand that he isn't asking you to give up your family? He is asking you to show support to HIS family at a time of loss when families are supposed to pull together. Wouldn't your Mom understand.
My husband and I don't do a "my family or his family". BOTH sides of the family are OURS. I go to his family dinners even if he is working b/c they are MY family too.
Good luck to you. I understand wanting to go to your Mom's house, but this is a time in his family where they need to stand together and support one another. When there is a death, you cling together and don't want to be separated b/c you are scared of losing someone else. Be patient.
2007-05-08 08:42:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋