Mad at Mother-in-Law?

Question

I have always been wary about my 5 month old daughter staying the night at my MIL's house. She lives almost 2 hours away, and everytime she brings her home, she has done something against my wishes. This time, when she brought her home, my child had only had 5.5 ounces all day and it was 5 in the evening! It wasn't even really the amount she ate, because one day of poor eating wasn't going to harm her. It was that she had fed her 1 oz and then wouldn't feed her again for hours. Also, I told her to give her a morning bottle around 7 in the morning, and she didn't feed her until 9. She told me she wasn't going anywhere, and then I found out she had took Emma to her work to show her off. I also said not to give her cereal until around 1 and she gave it to her at 11. Should I just ignore it? I talked to my husband about it, but he isn't concerned at all. I even wrote down all these instructions! I just need some advice on how to handle it. It makes me not want to leave her there anymore.

Answer 1

I would not let your monster-in-law keep your baby anymore, and if she asks why, I would tell her exactly what you have told us. Your husband sounds like mine.....a big puss, cause god forbid they p*ss mommy off!!!! Don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mother just because you spent the night away from your baby. Everyone deserves a little break from being "mommy" Good Luck!

Answer 2

Only feeding her 5.5 oz for the day is outrageous! You need to calmly talk to her and your husband needs to support you! If she isn't gonig to feed your child, then she can't have her for so long. If she can't follow your rules, then again she can come visit or you can take the baby for a visit, but no overnights and no long periods without you around. Now for some perspective. Feeding the child cereal at 1 instead of 11, while annoying for you, probably wouldn't harm the baby, especially if she had been feeding the baby it's bottle? It's more a matter of her respecting your parenting choices, knowing her boundries and following your instructions. I know where you're coming from because I've been there, twice! You need to calmly talk to her and explain that you do not feel that 5.5 oz is enough for the baby and that she needs to have her cereal earlier and until you can trust that she is going to respect your decisions as the mother of this baby, then she will not be able to have any more overnights. You want her grandmother in your daughter's life but she needs to respect you and your husband and your choices as parents. Otherwise, you will have a long road ahead of trouble with you MIL. Try not to get hung up on the exact way and time she carries out your instructions, as long as it is still within reason. Good luck!

Answer 3

I would not let your daughter stay there anymore. You can't change your inlaws, but you can keep control over where your baby is. If your MIL wants to come visit and play by your rules, that should be fine, but I would definitely not let her be in charge anymore.

You dont' have to be super rude but you have every right in the world to tell that woman what you think and how that story above isn't going to happen ever again.

As for your husband... usually men play down things like this, and since its his family, he is going to play it down even more. Give him a big smack in the back of the head! Hahaha... Seriously though, let him know the real reasons why this was a big problem. Its worth the extra time talking to him about it so that he will back you up if the MIL starts arguing.

Good luck!

Answer 4

What you may have to do is keep her from being over there without you. I mean it is your child and it syoru wishes that must be followed. I understand what you are saying bc family members are always giving my son candy. I am not saying that he cant have it just not all the time and def not when i told u that he couldnt hav eit. You could try talking to her abt it and letting her know that if this continues then she would have to see the baby in your presence. And as far as yoru husband is concerned you need to talk with him as well and tell him that he needs to support your desicions and thats the bottom line.

Answer 5

Sorry but 5 mo is a little too young to leave overnight with ANYONE. The solution is wait until she is at least a year old or 18 months. Then make it clear to hubby & m-i-l that when she does stay overnight again, if the instructions are not followed to the letter it will be the last time.

Answer 6

Tell your mother in law if she cant respect your wishes then YOUR child wont be going with her she can spend a evening @ your home and visit her -personally i have a 15 month old and she hasn't been away from me all night yet . it's hard for me to let go especially with your mil living 2 hrs away no-way could i handle not knowing if my child was properly being cared for u cant just pop in when she's 2 hrs away tell her u have severe anxiety when your daughters away all night and u cant do it anymore untill you get better ! but that she's welcome to spend a night @ your home to see her grand-child ! she can like it or not ,accept it or dont see her especially if she's be malnourished that's is UNACCEPTABLE it's abuse honey u know what to do now just do it for the babys sake im sure your mil loves your baby but if she cant follow your rules &/or respect what u say she's disresspecting u in a bad way . good luck sweetie , april

Answer 7

I TOTALLY understand what you are talking about. We must have the same mother in law!!!! I would let it go about the times that she is feeding her but if you asked her not to take her anywhere and she did that would bother me. In my case my son keeps getting a runny nose so I trying really hard to keep him out of places until it clears up b/c it is reacurring so I am trying to keep him from places that germs thrive. And the 5 ounces is she nuts!!!! I would be concerned that the baby is dehydrated. That should be like one feeding. Wasn't your daughter screaming from being hungry? In my situation when my husband doesn't want to do anything to tell him flat out "either you talk to her or I will". Bottom line it is your baby and she should respect what you tell her. Explain to her that things must change or you are going to have to limit the time that they spend together....... You wouldn't continue to hire the same babysitter if they went against your wishes.

Answer 8

First you need to confront your hubby with your concerns and make him talk with his mother about this. Coming from you she will take it harshly and cause hard feeling you two may have trouble getting over where as your hubby addresses it she may see it his way and not be as offended. Good Luck it is a touchy thing but you need to make sure your child gets the best care even if that means keeping her home.

Answer 9

My mother in law did/does the same thing. The only thing I'd maybe discuss with her is the 5.5 oz of liquid. All the others are kind of a pick your battles type of thing that you might want to hold off on bringing up, but the amount of liquid is pretty important.

Mother in laws never listen (same thing with regular mothers sometimes).....you're going to have lots of "pick your battle" moments. I'd save up for a good one.... otherwise they'll just think that you're being a picky mother -- which you are not. If things get really bad, you may need your husband to step in, she may listen to him more.....

Answer 10

I would be livid.. it's hard when it's your MIL b/c she thinks that she has maternal rights too... and speaking from a mother's point of view, she doesn't!!! and your husband should get on your side and talk to your mother in law.

Your MIL needs to understand that you care about this child more than you care about yourself... and it just kills you to think that this child can possibly be upset, hungry, in danger,or even miss you in anyway. So, to help your anxiety, she needs to do as you ask.

But the bottom line is, don't leave your child with your MIL anymore. That's probably the answer.