When I started dating this guy and we established ourselves as a couple, he was net-flirting with a girl from another state, telling her things you only tell someone you're involved with. When I confronted him he said he can't have feelings with someone he's never met...well why did he say those things?? We've been dating now for 11 months (I decided to stay with him b/c I was falling in love with him and I was hoping he'd stop talking with her, which he did after me pitching 3 fits). I know he loves me now, he is good to me, and we have a really good relationship and a good future outlook for us two together. However, I can not get over this past thing, & therefore I find it hard to trust him and that hurts him. He trusts me completely and I love him so much! I just have a hard time trusting him and I get nervous when he's on the net at anytime (I guess now I associate the net with cheating/mistrust). He's been patient with me on getting over this and we never discuss it. Please help!
2007-05-08 05:32:40 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Also, he is the first guy I've ever been insecure with. Other guys I could've cared less what they did/who they talked to/what they did/who they talked to in their past. It is just this guy that I have ever been this way with, and I don't want to be!
2007-05-08 05:56:16 · update #1
that was the beginning of the relationship.. he had nothing invested in you are no reason to worry... now he has a lot invested in you... and if he's anything like me.. that's more important than chatting online with some floozy... even if she means nothing to me.. just because it's important to 'you'.
if you can't trust him.. you have nothing but rocky ground to try to build on. and it will fail in the end... if he wanted to be with someone else.. he would be.. but he's with you... doesn't that say enough?
2007-05-08 05:41:48 · answer #1 · answered by pip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the sound of things it seems although you would like to trust him and you know now that things are right, there is still that part of you that was hurt. That part of you is hanging on to the past and blinding your view of the present and future. The best advice I can give is to let time take its course. Time heals all wounds.
If you still need proof, then talk to him, tell him how you feel and tell him what makes you uncomfortable. If the relationship is truly strong, he will understand where you are coming from. the rest is up to you. Don't spy on him or do anything that would undermine his trust in you. Have faith that things will work out and they will. Sometimes a positive outlook can go a long way.
2007-05-08 12:45:08 · answer #2 · answered by Alex P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gut has been distrustful of him all along, and he doesn't chat with this other girl *in front of you*. That isn't a good start on a long term relationship. It's possible that he could have dropped that relationship because he wants to be with you, and that's fine, but this insecurity and jealous behaviour on your part will most likely drive him away in the end. If your relationship is as good as you say it is, then you are being unrealistic to continue thinking like that, if he is seeing you exclusively, and treating you well, then he deserves better than that, so you need to figure out why you are that insecure in the first place.... This girl doesn't live anywhere nearby, and he doesn't know her in person, so you really ought to drop it, and maybe consider looking for some activities to occupy your mind with better ideas, and bolster your self esteem, it's not a good idea to pin your self esteem on a guy, it should come from within to be shared with him, not as a result of his opinion of you, and you will drive yourself crazy comparing your self to any other girl he happens to talk to, and that's not healthy either....
2007-05-08 12:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by beatlefan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does trust you it means, he probably can be trusted. You don't say what things he told her to have you not trust him. Also, why would he be talking to someone he's never met. Only, I imagine it's is someone on the computer he found in a chat room. You're thinking he is falling in love with a person who means everything to him. I doubt that.
Try to lay off him and don't be too jealous as it will drive him a way. Good luck friend.
2007-05-08 12:46:59 · answer #4 · answered by mary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not everything you say adds up.
It hurts him that you don't trust him, and you never discuss it, for instance.
Seems to me you need help dealing with this.
Seek therapy.
2007-05-08 19:58:23 · answer #5 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋