Marriage & Porn Part II?

Question

Thank you to the over 55 answers I got to my question yesterday about wives who complain about their husbands looking at porn, and husbands who aren't satisfied with sex once a month. So I'd like to continue this topic........

HUSBANDS...do you think that maybe if you demonstrated more effort, more interest, and more affection towards your wife that you'd get the affections you need? Or is clicking on porn late at night easier and more satisfying?

WIVES.....if wearing something sexy to bed, brushing your hair, and lighting some candles would dramatically improve your sex life with your husband, would you be willing to do it?

I think the bottom line here is that porn is not the problem. MY POINT is wives who think sex with their husbands once a month is enough really can't complain about their husbands looking at porn! And husbands who prefer porn to having sex with their wives clearly have issues! Thoughts????

Answer 1

I just watch porn WITH my husband. Women need to get over their jealousy and body issues and just enjoy porn too. I have never in my life expected any man to look or act like Johnny Depp, why do women think men expect them to look/act like porn stars? they aren't real and men know that. It's a quick fix in order to release sexual stress. That's it. They aren't looking at porn and wistfully thinking about how they'd like to marry or even date one of those plastic whores, they're just using the images to fire up the libido and get off. big whoop.

If more women would get over their squeamishness about porn, then the issue would be moot. If you don't want to have sex with your husband, porn has nothing to do with it - you need therapy. If the husband is addicted to porn, that just means he's aversive to intimacy. Therapy time again.

I always found that even if I didnt' feel like having sex at the same moment as my husband, unless I was DOG tired, I wuld usually be enjoying it once we got started.

Oh and about the whole pouting/moaning/begging stuff... that IS one thing that men tend to really like a lot that many women won't do: make it obvious they are enjoying themselves. I don't understand why women persist in being so uptight about keeping it all bottled up. The more you let yourself express your enjoyment, the more you will enjoy it. It's really true. It is definitely the one thing in porn I think guys DO wish women IRL would do.

All the dressing up and candles and etc isn't nearly as sexy as a woman who's having the time of her life and letting him know it.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Well, there are many of us who do those things light candles and get all dolled up for bedtime. But the thought of your husband looking at porn is in the back of your mind.

The once a month sex for some people may not be the wives choice. In some relationship the husband chooses this.

I think in some relationships the porn hurts woman and men dont even realize it. Woman tend to wonder why men need the porn. Is there something wrong with them? Does he want me to look like that? Does he want me to do those things? Why does he need porn, do I not turn him on enough?

Men dont want their wives to be like that or do those things. Although in some relationships the anxiety of those questions running through your head tends to ruin the sex life.

hubby and I thankfully do not have an issue. although I will admit a long time ago I did feel that way. It took hubby to pay more attention to me and be reassuring in order for me to feel better.

Answer 4

I think your point is valid.

A pattern I've noticed, is some women seem to think just because the guy married her, or is in a relationship with her, she doesn't have try to look sexy anymore, and doesn't need to try to keep him sexually satisfied -- and he's just supposed to deal with it.

Then if he 'deals' with it by looking at porn, all of a sudden he's the enemy.

I've also heard more than one friend complain that his g/f or wife thinks it's too much effort to even just put on a pair of stockings. What does that take, maybe15 seconds? Also, some women refuse to try something as simple as oral sex.

When I hear complaints like that, it's no wonder porn is a billion dollar industry.

To be fair, I think some guys need to learn how to communicate their desires and needs better.

Answer 5

Wearing something sexy to bed and brushing my hair seems so nice but I am sure my husband would not catch on as I often do exactly that the candles are a nice touch but dangerous too.

I have done flower petals (the ones used at our wedding because the church said no to real petals) on the bed and candles and a nice dinner....nothing. Then I will be wearing sleep pants and a night shirt and get attacked. No telling what will get his attention.

In the long run I am not against porn. I am not against strippers either. I trust my husband with my life and my heart and after partaking in these things he comes back to me renewed and happy. I do not see why so many object.

Answer 6

Any type of relationship is work.
But we need to match our partner in our wants and needs. I think it's called dating.
I think most men expect marriage to be exactly like dating. And I think most women expect marriage to change men into what they want.
Think on that before you blow it off.... the dating was great and the marriage stunk...what changed?

As for my current partner, she makes sure I don't have time to turn my attention to anyone but her, unless she invites a friend over. LOL, she looks at it as a form of D/s but what she is really doing is keeping my attention, making sure I have no reason to look any further than her or what she offers. Yes I'm dom but she works at keeping my attention and does a fine job of it.

Sorry, as for porn online, my little one likes looking as much as I do. We both point out attractive individuls to each other, often saying "you'd look good in that". That either of us gets hot and bothered from looking at porn, then we know we will get the benifit of our partners arousal.

Answer 7

1) Yes husbands that would rather look at porn, than be with their real-life wives have problems.

2) Yes wives that will only have sex once a month when they are perfectly healthy and capable have problems.

3) Let me add that when porn gets on the level of addiction (which obviously isn't everybody) those who think a wife being a "porn queen" every night would get him to stop have problems.

Answer 8

I'm in a similar boat. Been married going on 6 years -- the sex was great early in the relationship, but once we had kids almost 5 years ago and our lives became consumed with work, the sex started to taper off.....

I'm lucky to get sex once every 7-10 days. I've tried to persue, but quickly get the hiesman. Have I surfed porn in the past as a quick fix? Yes. Is it easier than trying to convince my wife to have sex? Yes.

I love my wife and would never leave her, but I have thought about other women in the recent past and have conteplated about if given the opprotunity to have sex with someone else, if I would do it just to filfill basic needs. I haven't and revert back to porn...

Answer 9

I would do whatever is necessary to improve our sex life, but fortunately for us that is not an issue and I feel it is a priority to keep my man happy and satisfied.
Porn has its uses, but using it as a substitute for a healthy sex life is bad.
Sex with your husband once a month is bad. A healthy man needs it regularly, and if he's not getting it at home with his wife, he will have to turn elsewhere.

Answer 10

I believe women have over valued their sex and fear pornography because it gives men a cheaper alternative.

Increasing affection (demonstrated more effort, more interest, and more affection towards your wife) over inflates the value of sex and gives the wife a false sense of economic power. Women become greedy in what they want from their men. A card is not good enough, a dinner is not good enough, a movie is not good enough. What ends up happening is that the man goes all out and the woman thinks they derserve this treatment all the time. Sex becomes a bargaining chip with the women saying if you do this for me then I will have sex with you.

Women fear that porn will make them have to work harder to get the man's money. Five minutes of simple missionary isn't good enough any more. It was fine when the man would bring over cheap wine and a pizzia, but now the woman wants a weekend get away that cost hundreds. If the sex is not getting wilder what makes women think its worth a dream vacation? Like everything else the value of something is only relative to what someone will pay for it. If men stopped paying for sex from women(wife, girl friend, whatever) the inflated value women put on sex would go away.

Example: I tried giving my wife what she wanted, but she only wanted more and seemed to dangle the carrot of sex to try and get me to do it. I decided it was not worth it and tried something different. I figured she fell in love with me not what she can get me to do so I changed our dates nights from Opera to playing pool. The funny thing is we are having more fun and sex this way. We are truly enjoying our time together now and not playing growns ups.

In general women are really bad at having fun. They always want to play dress up and forget to just laugh and have fun. Love has nothing to do with romance and everything to do with sharing our happiness ie fun with each other.