My friend gets abused by her husband and wont leave?

Question

She came here the other day with a busted lip and it's not the first time. I care for her but can't stand seeing her this way. She will not leave what should I do? She has two little children involved

She lives in a different state

She says she does not love him and wants 'out'

Answer 1

She wont leave until she is ready.......all you can do at this point is be supportive and pray that one day she will see she is a better person than you be getting hit on.

Answer 2

Do not interfere - I guarantee that if you do you will be ex friends so fast that you will probably become an enemy!!

Things happen in families but if you interfere YOU are the one who will likely cause a break up. There are two adults here who may or may not have problems (there is a possibility - although slight that she got hurt when he defended himself from her attack - it is not unknown!!). But more importantly there are two children and all the experts say that children do much better withing a partnership than outside of it.

Please do not act precipitously. It could cause so much damage.

Be a friend, be there for her. Let her know you will be an unbiased and non judgemental friend because she probably thinks that you are very judgemental at the moment and therefore thinks she cannot be open with you!!!

Friends are like gold dust please don't turn yourself into lead!
She needs a friend - not a judge, jury or someone putting the police onto someone she loves and hurting her kids.

Be that friend - She will appreciate it and I am sure that if you can do that both of you will benefit!!

Answer 3

You need to convince your friend that she is worth saving, abusers convince their victims that know one else will love them like they do, and so a vicious cycle continues and soon the children become victims themselves. Get pamphlets from the near st crisis center in your community and share them with her, but try not to let her abuser see them, this might cause more problems for her. She needs a network of friends who can support her and be there for when she is ready to run. Been there, done that. Horrible experience. Help your friend as much as you can , with out pushing her away. Good luck!

Answer 4

It is not easy to stand by when you see some one suffering from domestic voilence and their are things that you can do one is to keep a log of the dates you see your freind injured even if you have to do this without her knowing 2 go to the local police station and get the phone number for an organisation called womens aid these are a group of women that help batterd women and put them in a place where they will be safe from their voilent husbands these places are called refuges they can even arrange for her to be relocated if she needs to be. the reason i know so much about it is because i am one of the women who set up this organisation as i to was a victim of domestic violence and after waht i went through a was determind that there would be help for other women who had to follow in my wake.i was on the run from my husband for more than 6 years as he nearly killed me. the other thing you can do ios to report your suspistions to the police as it may be that she is too scared to leave him as he may have threatend her life if she does try to leave. so make sure that the police are awaer of things.

Answer 5

Been there(her shoes). Leaving can be dangerous. The police often times can do very little to protect the victim. She may not be able to hide anything from him to prepare herself to leave; clothing, cash, extra car key in case he takes hers away. You being out of state may be very helpful. Tell her she can send this stuff to you just in case and he will never know. Offer to keep a record of what is happening, too, as she may not be willing or able to go to the police. I know it is very frustrating for you to watch, but all you can do is tell her it is not her fault, you are there for her, and will do anything she needs when (not if) she is ready to leave.

Answer 6

She's probably afraid, has no confidence, no where to go, and no way to provide for her 2 children. You need to find a way to build up her confidence, she needs to realize that there is a better life out there for her and her children.

Be patient with her, not all bettering is physical. Battering includes emotional abuse, economic abuse, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation, and power. Battered women experience
shame, embarrassment, isolation, repression of feelings, and may be prevented by control and fear from planning or acting on their own behalf.

Most women's shelters have a waiting list. See if she will consider getting on the waiting list.

Answer 7

Unless you actually witness the abuse your hands are sort of tied. This is something she must do on her own, unfortunately, most abused woman do not have the self confidence or strength to leave for good. She has probably been threatened with death if she leaves. And even more unfortunately, the laws don't do much until AFTER the abused wife has left, then gets beaten up worse or killed.
Talk to her as often as you can. Do not push her, do not berate her. COUNSEL her, give her contact information (do the leg work for her) for domestic abuse refuges in your area. Research the laws for escaping an abusive situation, give her as much re-inforcing information as you can to encourage her to take those steps for herself and her kids.
If you see bruises on the kids, then you can call the cops to report abuse on them and then they can do something about it since they are minors.
Most wife beaters usually strike out at the kids at some point too.

Answer 8

There is not a lot you can do without her permission. If you take matters into your own hands she'll resent you and nothing will change anyway. Unfortunately some people just can't see that they have to make the hard choice to do what is best for them.

Answer 9

The reasons are the 2 little children. She can't be taking care of the children and going to work at the same time. She may have her reasons too. Let her decide. I know its so sad things turn out this way.

Answer 10

My concern is for the children. Your friend is in need of serious help. Right now, you can actively work to help those children. Your friend has made it clear what she wants. You need to immediately notify the police, those KIDS ARE IN DANGER! For the safety of the children, pls. notify the authorities IMMEDIATELY! They deserve better.

Answer 11

You could call the cops and they may arrest him but he will get out soon enough if she doesn't press charges and she may get beaten up even more because he got arrested!!! You may not be able to help her out because she really needs to help herself but her two children are in serious danger. Maybe you could find another woman who has gone through an abusive relationship and got out of it, and have her talk with your friend.

It's tough for women in abusive relationships to get out because they are living in fear and because authority can only do so much and more often than not, the authority fail to protect the victims of abuse until it's too late. Order of protection is a joke for these abusive people.

I wish you luck because if she doesn't want to get out of it, it's going to be tough to help her out.