Is it ok not to breast feed?

Question

I'm pregnant with my third child. I breast fed my first two but don't want to do it this time around. My husband and I are arguing about it. My youngest son will barely be 2 years old when this one is born and I'd like to be able to sleep a little more. Not only that I've never been a big producer of milk and I always have to mix formula with breast milk anyway. I'd also like to have my husband possibly pick up a midnight feeding or two and if I'm nursing he can't do that. Plus I'd like to save what's left of my breasts :-) Am I being selfish?

Answer 1

No you are certainly not being selfish and do not take any notice of those who say you are!!
If you don't want to breastfeed then that is your prerogative.
Your breasts, your choice what you do with them!

Answer 2

1) When you breastfeed, you can bring baby into bed and fall asleep while nursing. You may decide to wake up and put him in the crib later, or you may want him in bed with you.

2) A woman's milk supply is dependent on the demand for milk. By supplementing, you were creating a cycle of low supply, which is unfortunately very common, but very easy to correct.

3) If you really want your husband to do some nighttime feedings, you can pump or even give formula just for those times. I think it sounds really inconvenient, but you can do it.

4) Pregnancy messes up your breasts. Breastfeeding makes them full and round while you're nursing, then they turn into the same lifeless sacks they would have been without nursing. I imagine all the stretching from the engorgement of NOT nursing would ruin them.

5) It is OK not to breastfeed. It's obviously not best. Baby will survive and probably thrive. I think bottles are a huge hassle. I'm way too lazy for formula! Remember how convenient it is to always have fresh milk available, no matter where you are? No lugging bottles with you or mixing formula. You get to eat more because BFing burns lots of calories. That's reason enough for me!

Answer 3

Breastfeeding is based off supply and demand, not the cup size. I'm an AAA cup (yes, they exist, only I have to order my bras from the one company I could find to make that size and they happen to be in England which makes it very pricey with the American dollar). Well now that I'm 5 weeks pregnant with my first I'm more like a AA... but my point is I'm told even the women who are too small to be a AAA cup size can breastfeed, cuz it's more with the ducts and things than breast size. That being said, I know women who have tried to breastfeed and just found it too painful or they didn't produce enough milk to only breastfeed (not based on breast size though), and they had to supplement with formula. It will hurt at first, but eventually I hear it can start to feel really good. "Orgasm without the O" is how I've heard it described. Sorry I don't have any personal experience here to offer. I'm going to try to breastfeed with my first and if it doesn't work out I'll be forced to use formula, but hey, what's the harm in trying, right?

Answer 4

YES YOUR ARE being selfish. I think that's crazy...

The first two were good enough for "the best" but this one isn't? What's that all about?

Not only would I feel selfish...but I'd feel guilty for benefitting two children and not my youngest!

If you want to sleep...buy a pump...you can pump milk and have daddy feed the baby a milk bottle.


It sounds like you've made up a lot of excuses to excuse yourself from the responsibility.

Breast is best.

If sleep is more important to you...then go stock up on the enfamil ...but is it selfish? YES.

Are you giving one child less than you gave the others ?? YES

If you do infact decide to do what's right...you can find supplements that aid in milk production at the following address.

http://www.motherlove.com <-- "More milk plus" is the only way I produce enough to feed my son... I wasn't making enough either and I didn't let that stop me.

It just depends on how bad you want it, because it is a very very rare case when a woman "can't " produce enough.


***By the way... Supplementing with formula only makes your production go down. Supply and Demand...You're body won't supply you with the milk you need if there is no demand becuase you're supplying formula....Quit with the formula and you'll be fine!

Answer 5

It's no debate breastfeeding is wonderful for the baby. I am also a mother of three with the youngest just 3 months. Not long ago i had this same dilema. I chose to breastfeed and now that I look down at his sweet face i wouldnt trade it for the world(not even the midnight feedings). Its your choice- there is middle ground how about pumping and mixing formula and let your hubby take a couple of latenights. What ever you chose is your choice. But PLEASE remember how special it is and how much our children love feeding. Good LUCK!

Answer 6

Hi there,
I hate to say this but since you asked, yes, you are being selfish. It has now been proven that just giving your newborn your colostrum protects them from about 7 potentially FATAL diseases. Does that compare with your concern about "saving your breasts?". It has also been proven that breastmilk not only increases a childs IQ but nursing your baby for at least 6 months protects him from most major childhood diseases. How can you knowingly deprive your baby of that important health benefit?
As far as your concern about not getting enough sleep, I am confused. As a pregnancy counselor I always point out to mothers that if they breastfeed they will be able to get all the sleep at night that they want or need. I have never heard of a nursing mother that did not get her rest at night. All you have to do is tuck your baby in bed with you and go back to sleep. How in the world could that be such a big problem? You can change a diaper now and then and change sides by just wrapping your arms around the baby and rolling to the other side.....that surely could not be as much trouble as getting up and walking through the house to the kitchen to mix, fill, heat a bottle all the while accompanied by a screaming, hungry baby! By the time you get the bottle ready you have a really ticked off baby who has screamed herself into a real fit! I know, I had to bottle feed my 5th child because she was adopted and I could not relactate due to a cancer scare that I had. Bottle feeding is tons more work and lots more sleep depriving! Breastfeeding is the most relaxing, peaceful thing that I ever did! As far as someone else being able to give the baby a bottle I know how that works. They sit down and give the baby a bottle while you run and throw in a load of laundry or run the vacuum or put clean sheets on the bed or start dinner....no way! Nature made it so that periodically during the day YOU have to put YOUR feet up and relax for awhile! That gives you the opportunity to lie down with the baby and nurse him while he takes a little nap and hopefully you can doze off too! Breastfeeding is the opposite of labor intensive! Bottle feeding is a great deal of work! I have done it both way so I know! There is nothing on earth any easier than picking up your baby and just putting it to your breast! Take it from someone who has done it both ways!
In addition to that if you don't nurse this baby the opportunity is lost forever. You will never have another chance. I hate to say it but someday you will have to explain to this little person why you did not breastfeed them when you nursed the other two. I am serious. Children grow up and they will want to know. Even if you only nurse for a short time. You can always stop but if you never even give it a chance you are really limiting your choices! At least give this baby the benefit of the colosturm and let him get thru the first three months or so! It is really not fair to the baby when your reasons are so superficial and the benefits are so compelling and so important! Give it a chance. You can always stop.
At least do some serious thinking about it. Search your heart and I am sure that you will make the right choice.
Love and Blessings
Lady Trinity~

Answer 7

Please, take the time to carefully consider this. This one "choice" will affect your child for LIFE. Please read some of this information before you decide. I think all moms who are making this decision should know the potential consequences of choosing formula.

http://www.breastfeedingtaskforla.org/ABMRisks.htm

http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/articles/312-formula-report-2.htm

http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/what_should_know_formula.html

http://www.promom.org/101/

If indeed, your breasts and sleep are worth more to you than your childs health, or even LIFE, then yes, I will have to say that you are being selfish. But I truly beleive that if you read this information, it will be impossible to think that formula is a suitable option. You'd have to be in complete denial. Also, have you heard of a breast pump? That would be a simple way to allow your husband to help with feedings, without sacrificing the health of your child. As far as your supply, you had to supplement, BECAUSE you supplemented. Perhaps your child had a growth spurt and never seemed to be getting enough. Thats a normal thing, but if you hadnt supplemented, your milk supply would have adjusted to meet your childs new needs. Perhaps you did have a supply problem. That is easily remedied with the help of a lacation nurse. I've never heard of a hospital that DIDNT have a lactation nurse, and I've never heard of one charging for her help, so I dont see why you didnt seek help from one. Maybe you didnt know they exist? Either way, supply issues CAN be remedied, but are only made WORSE by supplementing.

Answer 8

It would be easy for me to call you selfish but at the same time I think its good that you are admitting that there just are some things you don't want to do anymore [like taking ALL the night feedings by yourself].

Of course you know "Breastfeeding is best feeding" but you can still raise a healthy strong baby on formula. The way I look at it, its not bad for a baby to be formula fed, its just better for him or her to be breastfed.

If you don't feel up to the task then by all means just don't do it. Breastfeeding should be positive enjoyable affair for both you and your infant so its best that if you choose to do it your heart is in it. Better for you not to be miserable or resentful during feedings because your children can always pick up on when you are tense or frustrated.

Lastly you are brave enough to ask us [and yourself] is you are being selfish...now can your husband ask himself the same question and answer it honestly?

Is he really just stuck on the health benefits of breastfeeding or does he not want to share nightfeedings with you?

Sit down and talk with him about why it is that he is so opposed to it & explain to him gently why you would rather not do it this time around. If you both understand each other's points of view better it may be easier for you two to come to an agreement [such as maybe only breastfeeding for the first 3 months & then gradually switching over to formula & if your schedules allow maybe only asking him to take night feedings on nights where he doesn't have to work the next day].

Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Yes, you are being selfish- what are you talking about, you want to save what's left of your breasts? It's pregnancy, not breastfeeding, that affects your breasts- too late for that. You can choose not to breastfeed, of course, but if you do, admit to yourself that you're making that choice for yourself, and aren't doing what you know is best for your baby. Isn't that what being selfish is? Don't try to use excuses like that you don't make enough milk, that is easily remedied by a lactation consultant, as are the vast majority of troubles that may come up while breastfeeding. You haven't been a big producer of milk because you supplement. If you work with a lactation consultant and learn how to keep your breastmilk supply up, you would not have to supplement. You can also pump your milk so that you can sleep and someone else can feed, so getting some rest is never a reason to formula feed. Formula is not anywhere close to being as good for your baby as breastmilk, in fact, it can be harmful. People just don't want to face that because they want an easy option, so I'm sure you'll hear "Sure you don't have to breastfeed, formula's just as good!" Formula was created for babies who medically cannot accept their mother's milk (extremely rare), and will never be "advanced" enough to be comparable to breastmilk. It can cause diabetes, allergies, and I've even seen studies that show it greatly increases the risk of SIDS- why would you ever, and I mean EVER, give something like that to your child? The choice is obviously yours, but at least be honest with whatever choice you make. You choose to breastfeed because that's what you're willing to offer, or you choose to formula feed because that's what you're willing to offfer.



Please take the time to check out these links, I feel they have valuable information about breastfeeding and formula for all moms-to-be, without being judgmental:

http://www.promom.org/101/
http://www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/article.jsp?content=20030807_101250_216
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/prepare/bfcostbenefits.html
http://www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/article.jsp?content=20030807_101250_216
http://www.drjen4kids.com/soap%20box/what%27s%20missing%20in%20formula.htm
http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/what_should_know_formula.html

Answer 10

Technically, yes, you are being selfish. That being said, as long as you are making sure that your baby is getting nourishment, it really shouldn't matter. Yes, you're not breastfeeding, but you are making sure that you have time to enjoy your new baby and your other children. Most of us were formula fed and we all turned out all right. Perhaps you could do some research on the formula that you want to use and show it to your husband to convince him that it is okay. Breastfeeding takes alot of work and commitment. For something so natural, it can be damn hard! As for saving your breasts, I've read that its pregnancy that ruins them, not breastfeeding. Goodl luck and congratulations on your new baby!

Answer 11

have you thought about pumping your milk, breast milk is best for your baby for the first 6 weeks. Theres nothing wrong with feeding your baby formula, and dont listen to anyone that tells you that your a bad parent for doing so. do what your little hear desires but keep in mind that breastmilk is best for your little one, check out this article..
http://www.medicinenet.com/breastfeeding/article.htm