I dont think she is happy, got maried for wrong reasons, what can I do?

Question

Please LADIES give me any advice from your heart.
I was in a 3 year relationship with an incredible woman.I just didnt feel ready to get married, be with her yes. I knew in time she would be my wife. She temp went back home (she is from Europe), stayed longer than we thought, and 6 months later she tells me she hooked up with a friend, and they got married. I was devastated, really didnt understand what happened, thought we loved each other, etc.She has been married 2 months, we talked on the phone yesterday and she told me that she ONLY got married bcs she has HPV (as do I) and was worried she couldnt have babies later, and thought I would NEVER do it. He said he would have a baby ASAP. She AMITTED that she freaked out. Well, since then,she told me that she is healthy and will wait to have children. Said she doesnt love her husband, but that he is NICE, makes her happy and that he loves her. She said she is married, so must try. I LOVE her...will this last with him? I am sad!!!

Answer 1

She is married, get over it and move on.

It's a waste of time to pine away for someone you can't have, not only that but for men it's also a sign of weakness. The two of you were not a good match, she knew that and that is why she did what she did. Too bad you are slower to understand that fact.

Answer 2

Well, it could. Especially since she is wanting to try. Sometimes love grows. Look at it this way, if it is ment to be it will be and maybe your time with her was then and over or it might be later and happen down the road. Women do panic over the baby thing and she really can't be blamed. It is not your fault either that you were not ready to get married at the time she wanted. Omigosh, go home for 6 months and marry?? It might be an age thing too. I know at one point and time I thought if I didn't get married right then and there I would die! I didn't get married and waited (it was hard) and it worked out alright. I wouldn't wait on her. If you do and she doesn't ever come back then you might have missed out on a great chance to love someone else.

Answer 3

Why can you not discuss with your family that you think it'll be better for you if you did your NIkkah this year rather than next year and leave the party until next year if you like? Call it the reception party? Don't get married (nikkah) without family knowing, just tell them. If your family disagree, maybe you should just tell them that you will do nikkah then, and you should go ahead. But don't make it a secret! If you're not into the whole big wedding thing then say so! Let your family know your decision and reasons behind it. Be honest and open always. This is a good thing so why keep it a secret!!!

Answer 4

I feel for you bud, but do you want to be with someone who acts on a whim or acts in desperation???
I think you are the one that got away .. count your blessings.
it probably won't be forever with this new guy, as you must love in a marriage, not only like,,, that gets old real fast.
She states she was using this guy to have a baby asap.... hello!!! "using this guy" to fulfill her needs.... I am sorry but a little too selfish for my tastes.
Anyone who leaves a 3 year relationship and jumps into a marriage in a short time to me is immature, desperate and god knows what else.
i am sure you are going to get over her.
if two people don't agree that they are ready to marry at the same time, then you wait. You were smart , you are waiting... she was not the girl for you.. maybe you thought so, but bud, you were wrong.....
You weren't ready to jump into a place feet first with no caution... thank goodness you were spared ... not ready means not ready..
when you are ready and you find the right girl, there will be no hesitation...

Answer 5

whether it lasts or not, the point is that she is married. she didn't wait for you, she took the situation into her own hands. if she was that concerned about having children then she should have sat down and talked about this with you.

i would let her have her space. obviously the girl is not getting the marriage annulled, so she sees something in it to make it work.

i know that you must be devestated, but the fact of the matter is that by keeping a relationship, even if only as speaking to each other, by keeping this going you are only going to hurt yourself. let her go so you can move on.

if the marriage ends at some point, she knows where to find you.

Answer 6

I completely understand your devestation, and confusion. No matter what her reason were, if her love ran as deep as yours purely does for her, then she would have waited on you. Not settled for some guy in another country or whatever. I realize you love her, but this is only hurting you. If she is happy with him, then she obviously doesn't plan on leaving him. Make sense? It may be extremely hard, rough, but I think you would be better off trying to find someone else. How could u even trust in her love again in the same way after this? I certainly couldn't trust any man who did me that way. Don't put your life on hold...it is way too short for that. Go out with other women...you may find a greater love in which you have NEVER known:)

Answer 7

You have to give her a lot of credit for being an upstanding person and honoring her committment to her marriage. Don't call her or write her but leave it that she knows she can reach you if the marriage doesn't work out. In the meantime try to rebuild your life and start to participate in it again. Go take some courses at the local community college - something fun (like photograph or a foreign language or maybe a physical education course). Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

Sorry, she is married. She did that to you. She was dating you and married another guy. THEN she calls and says she screwed up but that she has to try with the other guy. Respect her for her honesty, if nothing else, and move on. Do you really want to be with someone who will probably stay married anyway or at least for a while and then go straight from that relationship back to you? Move on and find a woman that can appreciate what she has when she has it.

Answer 9

It might last with him...but don't worry you made the right choice if your not ready your not ready. Let her go on with her life and you go find someone else. She made a mistake marrying this guy for the wrong reasons...don't make a mistake by waiting aroudn to see if her relationship fails. Get a new girl and go on with your life.

Answer 10

You need to step back and let her decide where to go from here. She's admitted that she's not happy, but there's no room for you in her life romantically unless she ends things with her husband. Support her and be a friend to her if you wish, but she really is the one who must make this decision.