Is there even one mature individual who can answer a serious ? today?

Question

My questions got alot of seriously rude and well thoughtless answers.Try reading the question - I along with 400 million other Americans are strugggling financially in these difficult times. I thank God everyday I came from the tight family I did & they are willing to help me. I have been a strong woman and exellent Mother & I have overcome my ex husband being abusive to me and far more abusive to my children. I bought my house in cash & gave up a full time - 6 figure income to be there for my children and ended up living in an area that unfortunaltey - there's no employment - I took out a loan on my equity to make imporvements and pay old bills. The only job I could get was PT. It ended up not being enough & thank God my Mom stepped in to help what we all thought would be temporary. The guy I met is a wonderful man - nothing like my ex & we are taking things slow mostly because of my children and the level of maturity I am obviously NOT finding here today! BTW - Mom is only 57!!!

57 or 67 - does not matter - still have enough respect for her to want her to not have to do this for me anymore. But I would have to leave my duaghter behind to be cared for by family & I would also be leaving a wonderful man behind with whom I could possibly have a future. - SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY!

Answer 1

First of all, stop feeling guilty about your mother. Just like you, she signed on for life when she had kids, and I'm sure she's happy that she's able to do something to help out her grandkids. Would you do the same thing for your grandkids in a heartbeat? I bet you would.

The big question surrounds moving, as I understand it. I'd almost suggest the question is whether to move now or after your daughter graduates. As for the new man ... my guess is if you two are really hitting it off, he looks to move too in a while - if you're moving to an area with a better economy, you'd think that could happen. If not, believe me, there are plenty of other good men out there.

I guess the risk is that if you wait, the economy may cool somewhat, and you'll wish you'd moved when you had the chance. Obviously leaving your daughter with family isn't ideal, but life isn't ideal, you make do. How does she feel about it? My father got shipped to boarding school when he was 8. I knew kids in high school whose parents lived on a different continent. When I was 17, I was in university, and _blissfully_ living away from my parents. So living with grandparents at 17 is maybe actually a nice time for a step forward to adulthood. Of course, she's had a tougher childhood then a lot of kids. How does she feel about it? Does she have a lot of friends in school? Is she likely to be lonely if you leave, or enjoy having a little bit more independance?

Things to consider. Neither option is perfect, but honestly, neither option sounds terrible, so don't get too hung up on it. I don't think there's a really _wrong_ choice, so do what feels right for your family.

k.

Answer 2

Sorry you are not getting the responses you were hoping for, but thats what happens when you ask a question and then add a little detail to it. You open yourself up to receive rude and thoughtless answers... Get over it... I know there are some people who actually gave you some great advice that was very helpful, but it wasnt something you wanted to here, so now you got an attitude...

Sweetie its not that serious...As you stated there are 400 million American who are struggling financially, but you are not the only one out of 400 million American who has a tight fitting family...And since you have such a wonderful family who will be there for you and your children, then why dont you and your children move-in with your TIGHT FITTING family until you are able to pay your own bills like MOST of the 400 million ADULTS in American do every day...

Furthermore, getting a PT job was not the only thing available to you. That was the only thing you settled for, because you really didnt want a FT job. Hell, if thats the case, why dont you get another PT job. Once you have combined the two, you would have come up with 40 hours a week. And speaking of work, why did you give a up a 6 figure income in the first place? And purchase a house with cash not knowing how you were going to support you and your children...

Answer 3

I also do not understand what you are asking. It seems, from your additional note, that you are considering chasing a job that requires you to move from the area?

You have to sit down and consider which is more important at this time - being with your family and exploring a potential relationship with this man or chasing an enormous financial opportunity. (At least, I think that this is the problem you are facing.)

I don't see why it has to be one or the other. If you had a 6-figure income before the recent upheavals in your life, you obviously have a lot of talent and determination. Perhaps you can use previous contacts from your old job to help find a more desirable job? If nothing avails and you decide to stay in your present situation, surely your past work experience can speak for itself, and you can work your way into management in a local franchise. This is your life and you have the control.

If you decide that family is the most important aspect of your life (which, judging by your previous actions, you have) then have a little more faith and work towards a better job in the area you want. Sure, you will not be able to live like you had before. Sure, you may have to be economical, and work your butt off for awhile. But sure as your present path will be difficult, I am sure that you can accomplish your goals. Decide what you most want (whether it is a happy home with your family, a career that you can use to support your distant loved ones, or a completely new change of pace) and go after it with all of the power and strength that you showed to get your first (obvioulsy impressive) job. I know you can.

Answer 4

Okay, I am one of those been there unkempt women that now takes a lot of pride in their appearance. First and foremost ANYBODY is going to feel better and less depressed even if they already are depressed if they will do the best with what they have and practice at least good hygiene. Then the more that they WILL and CAN do with their appearance will improve their self esteem by 110%. I am living proof of that and up until 3 months ago after 22 years of marriage I could go 6 months not put makeup and lied to the world and myself that I was comfortable with it. Now I won't so much as go for a jog without at least eyeliner and lipstick. My marriage has gotten a much needed boost. I probably do, no, I know that I do have a husband that loves me unconditionally and will stay with me through thick and thin but that is no good excuse to let him look at a hag because of it. I like myself a hell of a lot more and if people are going to be haten on you for your question don't worry about it because there maybe a few that might realize that they resemble your remark and do something about it and be thankful you posted it. If there is any correct place to ask something of this nature, this forum is most certainly it. More of my 2 cents....This has just gone over some of these peoples heads, this is not about hating or judging for most it is actual concern. I wished I had woke up years ago.

Answer 5

can you sell your house and down size into something smaller? Get a full-time job, or do some child care/ playdates a few times a week for extra cash. Maybe a better paying part-time job?

Wht about the guy moving in - does he work - he could contribute too - just talk out all the details before he moves in so you are both on the same page..

What are your skills - can you start a business from home? The realm estate market is awful now, but will be great again in anothe ryear or so - what about getting your real estate license and doing that - it is a flexible scheudle...

Or why not move in with your mom temporarily and save money -- then take your kids with you and move elsewhere where employment is higher.

Answer 6

It sounds like you recieved a job offer but would have to move in order to take advantage of it, or maybe the service? Talk to mom and the boyfriend, make sure they understand where you are coming from, and let mom decide if it is unfair to help you out by taking care of your children. You do seem to be a strong woman in order to overcome your past. In the mean time keep looking for a job that would support you, also, is there a chance in the future of marriage? What support is he offering you? Moral, financial, etc... take it all under consideration and be honest with those around you. Including your children..

Answer 7

Do not leave your daughter behind - unless she is on her own of course. But if she is on her own and there are no jobs - why shouldn't she move also? And - if you are going to leave, and you took out a loan on your equity, if you can't sell your house are you any further ahead?

There are many opportunities to work but not live where the company is - check out those opportunities. Check into municipal, government work - you must live in a County, in a State - and there must be some jobs there. If you had a 6 figure income you must have some skills - you don't give much detail there

Answer 8

I would love to give you my opinion on your situation, but I don't see an actual question.

Other than that- good for you for being able to stand up for yourself and leave a bad marriage. Raising kids alone- also very admirable. I hope you find work if you really want to go back. Just take one day at a time and things will work out for you as far as having to ask mom for money and take out the equity loan.

Make sure you tell your mom how much you appreciate her help everyday.

Best of luck to you in the future. I think you'll be alright.

Answer 9

I am prepared to give a serious and mature response, but I can't figure out the question here. Sorry!

Can't you move your children and wonderful man with you?

WHY do you have to leave them? You need that support system around you to keep you strong when you feel weak.

Financial difficulty is everywhere, affects everyone. Are 2 PT jobs not an option? Or 3? I have to do that in the past; You do what you have to ot survive, I guess.

Does your wonderful man work and can he help you? Are you that serious in your relationship that you are capable of asking for help?

Answer 10

Ok I think that if you have an opportunity to not only make your life better but your children's you should go for it. Im so sorry to hear what happened to you and your children with your ex-husband. You said your daughter is finally doing well in school. She's old enough to understand that you need to get a better job. And as far as your new bf. If he cares for you enough he will most definetly come with you later, especially since he knows the situation. I hope this helps. Good luck