I have been with my fiance now for 10 months and engaged for 7 months. Lately I have been feeling like my feelings for her have faded compared to that like we first dated. She became ill with a sickness, one that my deceased mother had. I know that had a lot to do with our relationship. But I would think that since this is the girl I plan to marry that feeling would never leave? Or am I wrong and I am just missing the puppy love. She is in-love with me and says she can get butterflys in her stomach, but I don't... also she called a "no sex" until married on our 10months anniversary. Sad to say that hurt bad, she says she wants it to be special once we get married. But I dunno, this all has affected me bad and I don't want to lose her, but I can't stand to be with her and not feeling the same way!
2007-05-08 03:20:18 · 17 answers · asked by Ryan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow... engaged after 3 months. I moved in with my now fiance after 3 months... but we didn't get engaged until... almost a year after that. I think subconciously you're being selfish. I'm not saying its bad, because I'm sure anyone else in your situation would probably be the same way. You see your fiance w/ this illness that your mother died from(I'm guessing) and you know that she could have the same fate. In the back of your head you're probably asking yourself..."do I want to go through that pain again, of losing someone?" And yes, everyone always misses the puppy love from the beginning of the relationship...but you really need to sit down and figure out if you just miss that puppy love, or if your feelings have really faded. Also, I think that no sex until married is kind of dumb, especially if you've already had sex. Good luck to you.
2007-05-08 03:30:23 · answer #1 · answered by perkyash2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you have the pre wedding jitters. AKA cold feet.
You said she became ill with a sickness, one that your deceased mother had. I presume it is not what your mother died from or that your fiance is terminally ill from it. So it is evidently just an excuse. I guess if she got measles and you knew your mother had been afflicted with measles at one time you would also associate this.
I am not sure about the sex part. Did you have sex prior to the time you became engaged? If so then this seems a little demanding on her part. It seems like maybe she is getting an early start in trying to control you by using sex as a lever.
If you didn't have sex before getting engaged I think it might be a nice commitment to make toward your marriage.
It sounds like overall you just have second thoughts which is normal for every guy and girl before marriage. Trust yourself you didn't decide to get married for no reason at all.
2007-05-08 07:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. It seems (to me) a little premature to be getting engaged to someone after only 3 months of dating. I would recommend a longer engagement period before getting married. Generally speaking, most engagements are about 1 year, but 2 years isn't unheard and I would recommend that to you both. Use that time to your advantage and give some further thought to your relationship.
My own personal experience is that I love my husband VERY much but I will say that HE is the one who is more passionate about me than I about him. It doesn't mean that I love him any less, I just feel it and express it differently. I probably had more butterflies for my "x" than I did for my hubby, but I was younger then, he was my first, BUT he was also a jerk (ask anybody!) As I got older I figured out what I wanted and became more independent and I think that giddy nervousness went away for good. I do know that if my husband weren't around I would feel a little empty....and perhaps its naive or just plain love, but I don't think I could find anyone else to fill that space.
2007-05-08 03:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by Shorty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion if you aren't happy you should sit down and talk to her about it. Maybe after some talking your feelings could change. If they don't I wouldn't suggest marrying her, I done sort of the same thing and a few months later I was paying for a divorce despite counselor help. The "no sex" thing in my opinion is a bad idea, what good what it be to starve yourselves from each other until your marriage day? It will be special that night anyway because that will be the first time you two had sex as a married couple. Good luck no matter what the decision
2007-05-08 03:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by Just keep breathin' 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, this could be a few things. One, if you too have been sleeping together for a little while then it is possible the "honeymoon" part of your relationship is over and you have settled into the "life" part of the relationship. Two, you could be highly sexually frustrated and upset that you have to wait, even if you aren't aware this is what you were feeling. Three, maybe you don't love her as much as you thought you did. Love is tricky and can be confused very easily. Talk to her, and more importantly be open and honest with yourself. If you are having these doubts then you at least need to put a pause on the engagement and figure out where they are coming from.
2007-05-08 03:30:43 · answer #5 · answered by Lea Lea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely do not get married while you feel this way. It's not just cold feet. Tell her you are having second thoughts and make sure any wedding plans are stopped. Maybe this is a temporary issue, but you can't count on that. If you feel a great sense of relief after telling her the wedding is on hold/cancelled, then you probably should move on. I've been married 3 times(!!!!) and had doubts every time but did not have the guts to stop things. I hope you can learn from my mistakes since clearly I didn't right away.
2007-05-08 03:28:22 · answer #6 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that marriage is for better or for worse, sickness and health. Also, as two people grow together, love will evolve. The initial feelings of passion when you first met are going to change as you all grow and mature together. Without feeling guilty, you need to weight the good and the bad....because you will always have challenges in a relationship. However, if the good stacks up against the bad stay on. If the converse is true, then you know what you need to do.....Good Luck!
2007-05-08 03:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by sabaink 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your feelings are fading b/c a lot has come your way in the short time you've been together. She's been ill and that scared you, now, the "no sex" thing. The sex is minor if you really care about her. I think you need to look deep into your heart and see how you feel. A long engagement won't hurt either. I personally don't think you know each other that well.
2007-05-08 03:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not have the same feelings, than it would not be fair to marry her. When most people get married, the last thing that they think about is sickness. What if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who was sick. I have the feeling that your mother's death has a lot to do with how you are feeling. You need to be honest with her and explain how you are feeling. Possibly counseling will help you through this. If you truly love her, you need to be honest with her. Please remember that marriage is built on trust and communication. Good luck to both of you.
2007-05-08 03:32:24 · answer #9 · answered by Dani 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Engaged to be married after a lousy 3 months?
There's your problem sport. just how anyone can decide in 3 months that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life is beyond me.
Personally...I'd like to get to know someone better that that. How did you come to this conclusion anyway? You mean that you and she summed one another up that quickly?
You both have a load of growing up to do. just your question and your reasoning behind it bears that fact out.
Better wait. If you don't you'll really be kicking yourself.
2007-05-08 03:26:50 · answer #10 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋