Husband plays softball .... on the weekends?

Question

I am a stay at home mom and we have 3 kids. My husband works full time. He picked up another job, but he's hardly ever there, so I'm not sure it counts. He can't. He's gone to softball tournments on the weekends. Well, it's not every weekend, but two weekends per month. Anyway, with 3 kids and being home with them all week I would like to get out of the house sometimes. Well, it's hard when he is away at a tournament. I am frustrated with him, but he thinks I shouldn't be. He thinks that I should be bringing the kids and hanging around the ball field. All 3 kids-did I mention are under school-age?
(5, 3, and 1 1/2) What would you do?

Answer 1

Tell your husband it's time to grow up and be a father. Make sure he understand this isn't about softball.. it's about him not taking the time to be with his kids and his family. It's about him shrugging off his responsibilities to play. Explain to him that if he's going to spend all his time away from home (work, practice, games, etc) and not be there to support you and the kids... well.. he might as well be living somewhere else and paying child support. It sounds to me that's what is going on already... he is just a financial supporter with no parental responsibilities.

Tough call on your part.. but I think you've already realized what needs to be done... you just need confirmation.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I've been in your shoes, and I did take the kids to the ball field. I just took some toys to entertain them and the stroller so I could keep the little one contained better and went. I would also take snacks and drinks. I didn't always go. If it was cold or rainy, I stayed home. My husband did have it every weekend though (+ he worked 60-70 hours a week so he was rarely home). Usually there was other kids for them to play with and other moms to talk to. I would say try it a couple of times. Then on the weekends he doesn't have softball, pamper yourself somehow. Even if it's just to go get lunch by yourself. You deserve some "me" time. All parents do, but you have to just do it sometimes. If he can't be home, can either of the grandparents babysit for a couple of hours one or two days a month?

Answer 3

I know you didn't say anything about you leaving your husband, but people tend to take the advice of other people who actually has nothing to do with the problem...But your husband has made an excellent suggestion about you bringing the children to the ball field, but you don't feel comfortable in doing so because of their ages.

Hell, I would take my husband up on his offer and when the game was over, I would let him know you need to take a few hours for yourself while you regroup, so he is responsible for the kids until you get back...Take those little ones out to the field. Have their little butts running around all day long (no naps) and when you get home give them a bath and put them to bed, this way you and your husband have some time to yourselves. (Do not try this all the time, your children will get hip to the game)...

Also, since you are a stay-at- home mother get with some other stay-at-moms in your area and have play dates. They are the best especially when you need time to just relax

Answer 4

compromise, communicate & compromise! sounds like you two need to sit down and have a talk. you need to explain to him that you are thankful for all that he does and fully respect how hard he works. that way he knows and feels that he is appreciated. also, it sounds like softball is his stress reliever, which is great!!!!! trust me, you don't want to be w/ someone that doesn't have a stress reliever. why? because, he will take everything out on you and the kids. next, you both need to communicate/compromise with each other. tell him that while you are happy to spend time with the kids, you still need YOU time, YOU and hubby time, and YOU and the whole family time. there needs to be a balance. you also need to explain to him that while you are a stay at home mom, it is a full time job. not sure if he pulls that card or not? i just find that a lot of peeps stereotype the "stay at home mom." so, explain to him, what you do on a day to day basis and how the house would fall apart if it weren't for you. remember, he needs to be thankful and appreciate all that you do too. and lastly, look into getting a sitter.

hope that helps!

Answer 5

If it's a fine day and you fell like watching him then why not once in a while, not saying every tournament or match he plays but once in a while so he knows that you and the kids are there to support him. I would also get you out of the house and give the kids some fresh air.
AGONY UNCLE.

Answer 6

Find a babysitter and go with him. I raised three boys at a ball park for most of their life when my husband was playing. All three boys ended up playing ball and two received schlorships for their playing in High School. Just be glad he's not at a bar or worst yet, having an affair on the weekends. Talk with him and see if maybe you and he could get together for a family outing or just be alone for a couple of the other weekends.

Answer 7

If you get an good answer to this question please share it with me. I'm in the same boat. My husband only works one job, but he is never home. He even picks up extra shifts and its not like we are hurting for money. It seems like he would rather be at work than at home with me and the kids (ages 6,5,2) I would also like to get out of the house every once in awhile, but he thinks that I don't need to because I'm a stay at home mom. If only men understood that being a housewife and a stay at home mom was the busy job of all!!!!!

Answer 8

This is kind of happening to me now and it is hard not to feel really resentful about my husbands sporting committments. He plays soccer 2 nights per week, plays again sometimes each sat and sometimes sun, coaches one of our childs team on a thurs night and sat am, and we have another play on a sat afternoon. Of course he loves it.

What I have found is getting involved makes it better for me.
there seems to be a social side to these sporting things and I am trying so hard to make friends and be part of it eg. work in the canteen. Bit hard with kids huh.

Otherwise you could get on with doing something you might like. Perhaps when you know in advance when he is off let him know you are off to something you like without the kids (he can babysit) eg. lunch with friend, shopping time alone, a movie, museum, library...
I think it is really good for us women to continue to have our own lives and not turn into mothers %100 of the time - we tend to lose ourselves/identity and turn into people we dont like - nagging, whinging women and then wonder why our husbands dont want to spend time with us.
Remember the person you were when he met you and try not to lose that person now (yep, it is hard with 3 kids) - the more you try to be your own person and have outside interests the more time he will want to spend with you.
Also, can you get them into child care just one morning a week - all three (probbaly expensive) just to give yourself some 'me' time. You must be worn out with 3 little ones - I dont think I could do it.

Goodluck - I dont blame youi for feeling resentful but you have to tackle it from an angle that he will respond to the best.

Answer 9

That's tough. He should understand that you need your time and space as well. Maybe if he could only do 1 tournament a month and help you get the children there. Or you could hire a babysitter and go your seperate ways on the days he has the tournaments.

Answer 10

Take your kids to the games to watch dad, you could meet other wives and have a great time!
You do need some time just for you so get registered at a daycare that provides hourly care, drop them off for a couple hours every so often and go have some time for you...go to the beatuy salon or shopping whatever you like to do. By getting hourly care it won't be as expensive as regular rates for full time care.