I did not accept my boyfriend's proposal 2 yrs ago b/c I felt we were not ready financially for marriage. We are currently separated on a "break", his choice - no dating of others. He is trying to buy a house to feel as he says "like the man in the relationship". He finally told me that he has resentment due to my non-acceptance of his proposal. I told him that I love him and I would marry him now but he says it's not the right time since we are at odds. What do I do? It's been 6 weeks of back and forth. I am angry because the pain from the break and he is angry about the embarrassment from the proposal. He evidently told a lot of people. (BTW, we didn't discuss marriage fully and he did not has a gist of what I would say.)
Help, what do I do?
2007-05-08 02:26:14 · 15 answers · asked by Exotica 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well well well. It seem like you guys are not ready for marriage as yet. Y rush into it. Let nature takes it course.
2007-05-08 02:55:57 · answer #1 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honest answer. I think he has more issues than just the marriage. He is trying to buy a house so he can feel like the man in the relationship. That there makes me wander if he has issues regarding himself that he is trying to get worked out on his own. If you have been on and off for about 6 weeks then push the subject and tell him maybe you should see other people and figure out if each other is what or who you want. If you are wandering i went through this same thing myself. I asked my ex-wife to marry me and she said no the first time and then about 2 yrs later i brought it up and we got married but it was never right after that, the communication between her and i wasn't good and it didn't work out
2007-05-08 09:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by chief 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a recipe for disaster. There appears to be a serious lack of communication going on between the two of you. That's a marriage destroyer worse than Any Other!
You Must learn to honestly talk to each other. You must also learn to accept each other as individual people with individual feelings. The most difficult part of marriage for my husband and myself has been learning to talk openly with each other about everything. We are trained not to tell our true feelings... but for marriage to work you can't tell anything But the truth about how you feel.
Don't hop into marriage now either for fear of losing him if you don't push it. Just keep talking together, keep working on your communication, and let thing progress.
Personally, I find that your boyfriends' need to"feel like the man in the relationship" stuff is ridiculous! I earn 3 times more than my husband- if I waited on him to take care of everything- I'd be starving! Money is not what makes a man. Love- understanding, compassion, respect, trust, and honesty- these are the most important Manly attributes.
Communicate openly, honestly, lovingly and truthfully. Don't push or rush. And think if this is what you want your Whole life to really be like!
2007-05-08 09:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by regularperson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you suggest dating casually again and then become best friends, then maybe the time will be right for marriage. You may have to prove to him how sorry you really are about refusing his proposal. Maybe though it wasn't meant to be because of the second thoughts you had in the first place and that's what he might think to. Prove it to him if you really mean it.
2007-05-08 09:40:09 · answer #4 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.. if you are currently on a 'break' then I can almost 100% guarantee you that he's out there looking. You wanting to marry him now because of your loneliness isn't the right reason to get married.
I suggest you drop it... let him have some time and accept the fact that your first refusal may very well be the only one you get.
Sorry.
Good luck
2007-05-08 09:33:15 · answer #5 · answered by wrkey 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you cant even discuss finances, and use avoidance as a means of dealing with conflict between you, I would say neither of you is ready for marriage.
2007-05-08 09:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by Lauren J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to give him time to calm down, he is just that humiliated. It is hard when you expect a "yes" and get a no. Space and time until he figures it out. Try to rebuild your relationship. Here is a good book, check it out it may work for you to earn back what has been lost.
2007-05-08 09:40:13 · answer #7 · answered by Interestedinknowing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You rejected him. Give him some time and space. I don't know if I would rush back to be with someone who rejected me like that either.
If you both really love each other then time should heal this.
2007-05-08 09:33:43 · answer #8 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel pressured to get married!! You were mature in recognizing that you were not ready to make that commitment when he asked before. Don't make a mistake by feeling like you have to marry him now because you risk losing him.
Move at your own pace.
2007-05-08 09:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you can always be engaged for a long time until you figure out your finances. Tell him you agree to marry him but not anytime soon. That way he knows you still love him but you want to wait until he is ready to get married.
2007-05-08 09:32:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋