Why doesn't modern culture place value upon caring for your parents in their twilight years?

Question

I can think of nothing worse than leaving home and abandoning my parents to old age in some God-forsaken Home for the Elderly (although I appreciate that many are nice and that the staff are in most cases very hard working and selfless individuals).

Why does this seem to be the case in modern western thinking? I can think of very little that is more sinful than forgetting your debts and where you came from, but this is only my personal opinion and I realise many will not share this view.

When and how did things change? I know it goes against nature's constructs to care for your parents as they grow old, but it just seems the the right thing to do, making sure those who did so much to bring you up are comfortable when they find it getting harder to look after themselves; when my grandfather was ill he moved in with us, and my father didn't let our small house, poor wage, full-time employment or children get in the way.

Is it just me that thinks like this?

Thanks!

Answer 1

You are NOT alone in your thinking. My mother came to live with me when she needed a place to go. She called me up and I went and brought her to my home. There was never a question in her mind or mine about that. It's a long story how that all came about but, the point is, we should all take care of our elders. I hear so many sad stories from my friends who work in Convalescent homes. Sometimes the children take the parents money and just dump them off and rarely go to visit them if at all. Sometimes they go and they yell at each other the whole time. I don't understand it. Where is the love? Where is the sense of responsibility? Where is the honor? I worked as a home aide for awhile and I absolutely adored the elderly people. They have so much wisdom and so many interesting stories to tell. They have been around a long time and have seen much. I hope things will change. They deserve so much more than they are getting. Thanks for your question. I'm giving you a star so others will read it.

Answer 2

That is pretty much an American phenomenon. Certainly eastern and most Asian cultures take caring for their elderly very serious.

I think it may be an offshoot of our abundence. Younger people don't feel that it is necessary to care for thier parents as they feel - right or wrong - that the parents have enough to take care of themselves or that the Government will provide whatever is needed.

I guess in a sense it is true. I lived in the Philippines for 3 years (not military) and if someone was old and had no money or family they were on the streets with no one to turn or aid. The Government offered nothing.

I don't believe that this is proper ation for essentially abandoning ones older relatives I just think it might be the reason or at least a big part of it

Answer 3

As is prescribed by our wonderful government here in the UK, all we are supposed to do in our life-time is make money at all costs, ethics no longer come into living. Not as used to be where morals and ethics came before any amount of money or Kudos.

We are taught to be selfish, so selfish is how a lot of people turn out to be, only then does society wonder why. But as seen with the amount of work that is "outsourced" from this country just in order for those with money to make a bit more, greed is now our way of life. This isn't the way many of us want to live, but we are forced to work 24/7 and have little time for anything or anyone outside that time bar relaxing. Obviously I am not saying this is a good thing and I hope I do not go too far down this road.

Answer 4

Once upon a time, most parenting took place in the context of an extended family. We watched our cousins, aunts and others raise their children and they, in turn, helped us raise ours. Decisions about discipline and rules were easy to make; our kids had to fit into a bigger family unit. We probably knew those rules simply by watching them our whole lives. That's not to say there was never conflict. But it is true that when I brought my son home from the hospital, he was literally the first newborn I'd ever cared for. I'd barely even *held* a baby before my son's birth. Every decision my husband and I make is new, and individual to us. And so Super Nanny fills that void in my life - that sense that there are older, wiser women with years of experience to tell us how to do it. Do I slavishly follow every bit of advice? No. But when my son was turning two, and I was feeling lost, Super Nanny gave me some great, effective ideas - and the confidence to choose for myself, too. But I do think that the lack of extended families and the need to choose so many things for ourselves explains Super Nanny's popularity. I can identify with that feeling of being all alone, and wanting someone experienced to rely on.

Answer 5

I agree. Lost my parents to cancer, and no way would they have been sent into a care home. My dad had to spend his last week in hospital because of complications, but I practically lived there with him. My mother passed away at home. We were urged to put her in a care home or hospice, but she wanted to be home, and that's where I wanted her to be. She passed away peacefully, with her family around. The way I see it is, good parents are there for their kids, no matter what age we are, and if we can't give back a few years of our lives to take care of them, then we're selfish. We too had little money, I'm one of 7 kids, only my dad's poor wage coming in. But when my gran got old, she lived with us in a tiny 3 bed-roomed house. It was the normal thing to do, when families were close. These days, a lot of families aren't close-knit and when a parent gets too old to take care of their selves, they're packed off to a home. My ex best friend has a 4 bedroom house, just her and her hubby at home, but when her mother had a heart attack and couldn't cope on her own, she was sent off to a care home...which she hated. I had no respect for my friend after that. She done it for selfish reasons. Sorry, once I start about this subject, I could go on forever!

Answer 6

It seems to be a British thing. Our European and American cousins look after their elderly relatives properly and they are not seen as a hindrance and often live in the family home and play an active part in family life.

Anyone who can put their elderly parents into a carehome and just leave them to rot is a disgrace and I'm sure they will agree when their kids do the same to them.

Unfortunately we live in an ever increasingly selfish country where the quick fix and the 'whats in it for me' attitude is coming to the forefront.

Answer 7

People shouldn`t judge the whole of Europe by the standards in the UK,I lived in Spain and the respect for the older generation was amazing..They were respected and listened to,,I would regularly see a group of elderly ladies walking down the main road followed by a long line of slowly moving cars and lorries,they just wouldn`t beep thier horn for fear of a backlash from the younger generation.....The UK is failing it`s most vulnerable at a time of need..and is not acceptable

Answer 8

I feel the same way you do. My dad has a massive stroke in 1995, and my mom wasn't able to care for him. She called me and told me that Dad would have to stay in a nursing home, as she was unable to care for him. My husband was a Saint about this and resigned his job of 15 years, and I finished up my teaching contract, and we moved to Tucson, AZ.

It was the most difficult, yet most wonderful decision we have ever made. Dad only lived for a year, and my mom three. Mom had many brain stem strokes 8 months after Dad came home. They both passed away at home with the help of a wonderful hospice nurse. We were there to hold their hands and make them feel safe and loved.

I thank my Creator every day for helping them in their time of need. I wish more people felt as you do! Our parents were there for us, it seemed only right and natural to be there for them. May your life be blessed abundantly! Annie

Answer 9

Somehow the values of our society became skewed and we began to revere youth instead of age. We have put the young on protected pedestals and forgotten about the elderly. It seems shameful to me that the forgotten ones are the ones who brought us life.

Answer 10

As long as your parents are happy with there life and in good health and are visited and keep in touch with,They Will be happy for there children to live there own life,s
For me my father died when i was quite young, And i have never had a very good relationship with my mother so we are no longer in each other,s life..