12 year old daughter has fallen in love with 12 year old boy?

Question

she has been acting very differently lately, found letters and scribbles declaring her love for this boy and saying she would do ANYTHING for him, says she will love him with her last breath etc... i want to come down hard and stop it but i dont want to destroy her in the process..... advice PLEASE!

Answer 1

Unless her actions are self defeating and harmful to herself or others, it is probably okay. Twelve is a rough time for little girls. They are caught in between being little girls and young women. I would not broach the subject of the note because then you will appear to be untrustworthy and a snoop. Sure you have the right to know what is going on in your own home with your children, but sometimes it is smarter to play dumb. Take her shopping and have some time for just you and your daughter. She will probably open up and tell you what is going on. At 12, it is nothing serious.

Answer 2

I think your concern depends on the level of maturity, as a parent you need to talk to her. I have a 12 yr old and we talk about everything. and she is having her typical crush and it is so innocent, she's come home for the last 9 mths and all she does is talk about this boy. So every afternoon I ask her how school was and how he's doing. My parents really had a fit when I talk to boys and I rebelled, I was a good kid, just when they had a problem with me being with a guy that was usually the one I like the most. Getting back to the talk I have with my dd you would be suprise at the kids now days having sex and other things at such a young age, the best thing to do is keep the communication lines open and if your not comfortable have her talk to her mom, or another female friend. make sure she knows about the risk of STD's and how to protect herself.
Even though it most likely just pure innocent now. she is approaching her teen and that will be helpful.Good luck.

Answer 3

Come down hard on her ... for what exactly?
For falling in love without your prior written consent?

Why don't you relax for a minute and look at yourself. Yep, yourself, not your daughter.

Isn't the reason that you want to 'come down hard' upon her, the fact that you are upset?
And what are you upset about?
Probably about your daughter having SEX?
Why don't you have a talk about SEX with your daughter?
Isn't the reason you are upset really that you feel embarrassed by talking about SEX?

So why don't you deal with your own feelings before you deal with your daughter?
If you act on impulse, all you will accomplish is that she will make sure that you don't find out the next time.

It's better to prepare your child to grow up, than to push her down to remain a child.

The right thing to do would be, incidently, also to never let your daughter know that you invaded her privacy by spying on her letters and checking her room.

Answer 4

Ive been here as the 12 year old trust me there is no way you will stop it she will carry on seeing him even if you try and stop it. all you can do is try and be her friend not just her parent she is at that age where she is starting to get mixed feelings and interested in boys don't shout at her its only normal sit down and talk to her let her no your there to listen if she has any questions or problems. don't try and stop her feelings because you will prob hear those horrid words I HATE YOU. and that hurts be there for her when she breaks up with this boy she will prob be very upset they will break up all you can really do is be there and wait

Answer 5

I would say crush is more like it not love at that age. I would make sure she knows how to be careful around guys and let her work through it. I personally would tell her to back off and just be friends right now with guys.
At that age a few months from now it may be a new guy all together she is crazy about.

Answer 6

Dont worry im 15 and i used to do things like that when i was 12, this doesnt sound like a serious relationship and trust me there in nothing going on between them, because if there was they wouldnt be writing it, they'd be out there doing it...


Just forget about it..
Trust me the things 12 year olds nowadays get up too..
Its unbelievable!

Answer 7

Its puppy love, she's only 12 so it's probably the first boy she has felt close to etc. Leave her, it will all go soon, when she gets a new crush. You know what kids are like at school, writing on their school books and hands who they love, but it changes every week.

Answer 8

she woudln'tdo anything, its just a figure of speach with she hasn't grasped yet

it will end, most likely shortly

invite him round for tea, get to know the boy

have them socialise either at your house or the boys, this way they're always supervised, and wont be able to get up to anything too early in life, reminder her that sex under 15 does increase the risk of cervical cancer

also maybe on the plus side, if he breaks her heart it will be a long long time till she dates again

p.s. you cant stop it, you doing anything would make it worse, she would sneek out to see him

Answer 9

Just chat to her about boys and lead into rights and wrongs but do not let on you have read anything We always knew what our four kids were up to yes we spied its your job to bring your daughter through into adult life so have no worries about spying but try hard to understand and give ways of beating this problem with daughters welfare in mind.

Answer 10

Jesus Christ woman she's 12!! It's normal for kids that age to have boy friends or girl friends and say they're in love - of course they aren't - they're far to young to know anything about that, but they're just repeating what they've heard in soaps or what ever - it'll all blow over in a month tops.