Harassed husband - My wife has been beating/abusing me almost every day since last seven years what shuld Ido?

Question

I am 45 yr this is my second marriage.I got married 7 yr back.I am highly qualified well placed professional.My wife is 43 yr, qualified , house wife also divorcee. We do not have kids.From the third day of our marriage my wife has been been very harsh to me,she has beaten me number of times with in the walls of our home, in the public places and in the running car. She has abused me in all possible filthy words. She has leveled all possible allegations against me.We live alone and no interference from any family members but she feels that I am influenced by my elder sister.I spoke to my wife's mother twice but no change in her behavior. I told my wife's brother and sister regarding this ill treatment but no help. But they are not aware that she has been beaten me number of times.My wife repeatedly tells me that if i share this problem with any body in that case she will commit suicide . I can say that her corrector is worse than the corrector of Rani Mukherjee in Black.Pl help .

Answer 1

You & your wife is not the right person to whom I'll introduce my wife otherwise she'll get spoiled. Jokes apart this is a very serious matter you are facing at this stage of life. What I feel as you two are issue less she is basically frustrated when she see other couples with kids & feel you are to be blamed for this. Although she is approaching her menopausal stage hence chances of her conceiving at this stage is very few but if she can do so it will be good for both of you, with a child coming in your life will make a great difference. Her temperament will cool down & she'll be less violent then. Better consult a good gynecologist for this. In the mean time avoid conflict at home & whenever she if is bad temper avoid her & better it will be to remain away from her for sometime. Also avoid family interference in your personal life because that spoils the relationship between you two more. For the sake of cordial matrimonial relationship try to satisfy her as much as you can rather then restoring to violence from your end, just avoid any of her abuses for the moment & let herself realize her mistake that will definitely help in your relationship.

Answer 2

Ok...we teach people how to treat us...bottom line. I don't agree with any grown person putting their hands on another grown person (not even the police but thats another matter). After the first time she hit you, you should have made it really clear that you have reflexes just like she does, this would have been the first warning. (If you had have cocked back and knocked her butt out she would have stopped.) I'm not saying hit her I am using this as an example!!! (You know how people reading this would swear I am telling you to hit her back. ) Anyway, you should feel safe in your own home. If she doesn't respect you enough not to put her hands on you leave. Plain and simple. Don't walk around bruised up because your wife is using you as a punching bag. Be alone and at peace, than be married and living with an abusive spouse.

Answer 3

go to www.saveindianfamily.org / www.498a.org get in touch with their local faction. This is not new and you are not the only person suffering, its a common problem faced by many Indian Husbands blame it on the materilistic culture that our Indian Society is getting into which is having a bad effect on the Indian Ladies - they simply seem to have got the wrong meaning of equality/empowerment.

And you need to act fast - cause should anything go wrong and she does what she claims she would do you would go behind bars for dowery Hrassment and Domestic Violence. Start collecting as much proofs and evidences proving your innocence, also do report to the nearest police station, go to a Govt Hospital and get yourself examined and reported the next time you are beaten or abused. Keep recorders Audio/Video where ever possible and get going man. Once you have enough evidences move out of your house.

You have a right to live a safe life!!

Answer 4

I think it would be reasonable to question your behaviour and actions as well as that of your wife. Seven years is a very long time to have "accepted" this kind of relationship - why did you do so when you could have sought professional advice and urged your wife to do the same at any time during those seven years. Amateur or layperson help here is inappropriate and potentially dangerous. Please seek professional help for both your own sake and that of your wife. If she will not comply or seek help no matter what you say then (as previously suggested by another respondent) get the police to your door before you take any other action : they are legal witnesses to the situation and events taking place as well as being legally able to contain the situation no matter what turn those events may take.

Answer 5

Kumar S, Your case is not an isolated one. Believe me i have come across several cases in my life, where women beat their husbands. In one such incident the man and his wife are both highly educated professionals in their mid thirtees. They have a brilliant son of eight yeays old, who is invariably a witness to these incidents. She beats him and shouts at him often.The man is very calm and soft natured, hailling from a respectable family, with sound financial backing. He lost his father when he was a child and his meek mother who brought him up alone,is in her old age now living alone in a different city. What surprised me much in your case is the behaviour of the wife is the same in this case also. All his pleadings to his mother in law and father in law are futile. She too threattens him with suicide, if the matter is revealed out. The man is passing through hell, in my view. What can he do, when every thing, including the law, officials and the media are generally biased against men these days.There may be a few men who ill treat their wifes. But why should all good men have to suffer on account of that. Only God can help such poor men from their violent wives.

Answer 6

if u are a real man,then wake up from yr nightmare of being beaten by yr wife.
what sort of a man are u?how could u hav allowed anyone to beat u?dont u have any self respect?
no,i am not condemning u,or scolding u.i am just trying to make u realise that u are man and u need not put up with a witch like yr wife.
i think u are very submissive and afraid of her.get some courage and start telling everyone of her bad behaviour so that she is afraid and not u.
best is walk out of this marriage and marry a decent girl.
u wouldnt be a cent wrong in leaving her,beating her or keeping a mistress.
but,pl,do wake up..

ps. make videos of these beatings and get a divorce.

Answer 7

leave her.. you do not need this going on in your life. you have the right to feel safe and happy not scared to talk to her in case she beats you. Nobody should have to put up with this ill treatment. If she is suicidal call the police and tell them what she is doing to you and tell them that she is suicidal. She needs help and will be put in the hospital to get her well again!! You sound like a very smart man you are loving and a brilliant person dont let her convince you that your not a brilliant person. You need to leave her for your safety. Good luck i hope this helps you in some small way..

Answer 8

Sweetie, your wife is mentally ill.

I think a lot of the answers don't realize you are asking from a different cultural perspective... You are from India? so family relationships and marriage have a different meaning there than to Americans. I understand you are probably trying to deal with things as is typical in your culture, through the family etc... unfortunately, mental illness does not respect cultures or individuals.

Maybe if you were in the US where it is very common for women to be arrested for violent crimes (compared to in Asia) and where the culture is very accepting of divorce and individualism, you would find it easier to get out of this situation.

It is not your fault that your wife beats you. Even if you are a "bad husband" she does not have the right to beat you no matter where you live.

You need to divorce and save yourself. As a mentally ill person, she is unstable and could decide to kill herself whether you stay or not, so don't be black-mailed into staying in this situation thinking it is your responsibility to keep her from doing harm to herself... especially since she is definately harming you!

Don't expect her Mom or family to be able to help. I am sure they spent many years trying to reform her all ready. Her family raised her for ??? years -- if they could do anything to change her, she wouldn't be 43 and still acting like an insane, spoiled child.

If you want to try to save the marriage, she has to go to mental health treatment in the hospital, and stay there at least until she can control herself (through medication and therapy maybe).

Even with these treatments (and assuming she were willing to get treatment, which I am guessing she probably is not) -- she may have an incurable, violent mental illness, so you have to ask if you are willing to continue to be abused forever. Your best bet, I think, is to divorce.

Many, many women would be thrilled to be with a nice, professional, kind man.

Answer 9

1> You are comparing her with the wrong character. rani Mukherjee played the character of a dumb blind girl who needed a support. Your wife seems to be nowhere near to that character.

2> Don't worry she won't commit suicide. She seems to be a self centred lady. Such people just try to scare others with silly threats. If you discuss the problem with your in-laws, she won't commit suicide, but instead find other waysd to harass you. She would try to gain public sympathy for sure.

3> Collect the proofs of violence, lodge a complaint in the nearby polikce station, apply for divorce. Yo ucan't live the rest of your life with such a person.

All the best...

:-)

Answer 10

I wonder to read what you typed,is it rel or fake?

How can you,a mature 45 year old person,who is highly placed in professional keep quiet for seven long years of torture?Why did you not applied for Divorce as you don't even have children?What makes you to still be with her and beg her family members to mend her?
is she rich and are you enjoying her money?are you enduring this treatment for your selfish reasons which you did not disclose here?you gave all positive side of you and pictured your wife in complete negative side?What is the truth.?
If you are honest,and what you said is true, as there are people as evidence as she insulted in public places too. go and approach a lawyer and separate your self from her and obtain divorce.I don't thin life is worth living the way you are telling (if it is true)
Say bye to her legally ,if you are honest and good in nature and if what you said is truth.