he says im too controlling.. but in my eyes i just want to spend more time with him and he calls me his tail sometimes i go with him to his families houses. but i feel that were common law so there my family and i have a right to be there anyhow.he excpects me to sit in the house while hes gone all day like im a chia pet. and it hurts. then even at night he takes off too .. i ask him to play cards or go to a movie or even watch a movie and its like begging him .. and we use to do those things all the time know we hardly do.. and when we do i beg him too.
2007-05-07 21:40:42 · 23 answers · asked by Rachelle L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why don't you just take a pillow and smother him to death?
2007-05-07 22:02:44 · answer #1 · answered by myjamsandwich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide whether or not you and he are meant to be together. From what you describe it does not sound as if you are trying to be controlling. A good friend of mine married this woman he had been living with for the better part of ten years. They were only dating for about five of those years, and while they were dating he liked to go out with out her. Since they have gotten married he does not want to do anything without her, because if he does she does not let him hear the end of it. He went out to the bar after work with a coworker whose wife happened to show up, and when she found out about this because he was not home when she thought he should be, she got very upset and basically ripped him a new one. Now it is like he is afraid to do anything without her, that is an example of controlling. It is not too much to expect him to spend some time with you, but you also need to give him some space as well.
2007-05-07 21:54:15 · answer #2 · answered by James N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is this how you want to spend the rest of your life??
He will never change. He might be a nice guy, but he's not the right one for you or you wouldn't feel so alone and sad.
If this is how you feel now then how is it going to be once you are married?? He's blackmailing you emotionally because he feels secure that won't happen and it allows him to do as he pleases. He's selfish and that will never change.
Let him move out, even ask him to. Call his bluff and watch his face...
You are worth more than that and you WILL find happiness.. if only you allow it to happen. Don't end up another sad lonely housewife that wishes she had made better choices...
2007-05-07 22:13:07 · answer #3 · answered by Aussie mum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other people here. He is over the relationship so it is time to move on for both of you.
Yes your relationship is common law and it can bring about settlement of property etc., you usually need receipts for who bought what and contributed for what. Eg you bought the couch you need the receipt in your name to prove it. He bought the TV he has to show receipt in his name.
If he does not want you to go to his family with or without him he is taking you out of the 'we' of the relationship.
For you to stay home while he is out is convenient as he does not have to worry about where he goes and with whom as he is not likely to bump into you. This relationship is not satisfactory for either of you so if he is not willing to work on it, then the clock has run out.
Every relationship has a time clock for how long it will last, some stop and get started again with a bit of maintenance and regular care. Others just stop, never to go again.
You both have different views of what you want and it is not happening for either of you.
Buy the book, "He's Just Not That Into You", it does have an opinion of situations like this that may help you.
Whatever the future holds you are going to make a lovely loving partner for someone in the future.
Best Wishes.
2007-05-07 21:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you not respect yourself or love yourself? Why would you let someone treat you like this? It's apparent he isn't ready to make a committment or he wouldn't want to spend so much time with his friends. He doesn't respect you or he wouldn't refer to you in such vulgar ways.
Most states do not honor the common-law marriages anymore so that is a moot point. When you meet someone who truly loves you, they will be willing to marry you before making love to you. One poster said you each have to have receipts to prove who bought what ~ that isn't the way marriages are divided, that is the way people living together prove ownership, be it two or three girls in an apartment or a gf/bf relationship,etc, have to divide their items so that wouldn't be a common-law marriage which would be handled just like marriages when dividing property in court.
Sounds like you both have some maturing and growing up to do before getting involved with someone. You teach people how to treat you so learn to respect yourself before getting involved with someone so you can be treated with love and respect and treasured by that special someone. Don't be afraid to say no to others ~ you have a right to your opinion, too.
If you are too controlling, work on improving yourself. There isn't any trust in your relationship from the sounds of it and no relationship can survive without trust and respect. And quit begging ~ that alone is very demeaning and makes him disrespect you even more. I would be very leary of someone who wants to go out with his friends all the time but doesn't want me anywhere but home ~ what is he hiding dear?
Move on ~ find someone who will treasure you for the gem you can be :)
2007-05-07 21:57:40 · answer #5 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is gonna be hard to say,first of all,how old are you?I had the same problem with my man,he kept going out and i would never see him,but in my case it was a little worse,because i was pregnant with his child,well came to find out later that he was cheating on me the whole time,so girl check things out well,cause it sounds to me like he is trying to dump you or cheat on you,just be careful not to get hurt,i forgave mine because we were able to work things out,but it took us 5 years to be happy again,and getting cheated on 6 times,be careful so you will not go through the same pain i did,it's hard to hear that,but try checking things out,and do not let him keep you in the house like a freaking pet,my guy is Mexican so i know what controlling is,but don't let him do that to you,if you guys are supposed to be partners it should be an even relationship,if he is just going out,do the same,cause when he sees that your life does not evolve around him and you have a life of your own,usually when they see that,they stop been so controlling and actually do things with you...
i hope this helps!
ingrid
2007-05-07 21:54:35 · answer #6 · answered by Iggy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your relationship turning to a one sided affair? Do find a good time to have a good chat or 'pow wow' with him. If things do not work out, you may need to move on (break up with him). This will be better in the long run, rather than having to beg him for the things both of you enjoy doing...
2007-05-07 21:47:29 · answer #7 · answered by looikk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him this: "Don't let the door hit you on the A## on the way out! What are you doing--trying to go back to the 40's and 50's when we had no choices. Get out and find one that will respect you and want to spend time with you, without you having to beg for it. Have some self respect, girl!!!
2007-05-07 21:46:36 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you want to be married and function babies? I comprehend that being the "odd guy out" would nicely be tuff while all your friends are in yet another place of their lives...and gushing over bridesmaids clothing or tiny booties - yet that may not a reason to bounce into marraige or motherhood. on the different hand - 3 years is an prolonged time to easily be "courting" even no rely if that's extreme. have you ever talked on your boyfriend approximately getting married? Does he want babies? while you're actually not waiting for that financial ruin on your existence yet nevertheless be weird and wonderful around your friends - plan a brilliant trip. go someplace you have continuously needed to flow and make it the adventure of your existence. not in basic terms will you have something helpful to concentration on and communicate approximately with them, they are going to be SO jealous of your freedom and adaptableness - they are going to be wishing they'd be you!
2016-10-15 02:06:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him go. i'm sorry but thats what he seems to want -- space. give him his space, have a life of your own, do things without him. the more you pressure him into doing things with you the more he's gonna think you're smothering him. and no, you're not common law with his family. if he keeps threatening to leave even after you've given him space, let him go. if you beg and pester him all the time then you're just pushing him further away.
2007-05-07 21:48:45 · answer #10 · answered by PoisonApple 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a little bit of space in your eyes you are just wanting to spend time with him but is his it can mean a hole different thing. Hun if you don't he might just up and leave you. But i want you to remember that there are many many guys to choice from out there. But i know that is not what you want you want him. Just give him the space he is asking for and he should come back around. O and a helpful book to read is it might sound stupid but i read it and it helped me. men are from mars and women are from Venus.
2007-05-07 21:50:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋