marriage help please?

Question

K i wrote a question but i am going to reword it . thinking of (My husband and I have been married for three years and have three daughters under the age of three. We are having trouble in our marriage and we seem not to work things out. He doesn't trust me and no i havent cheated.I want him home more and help me around the house, but I know he has a job to do. These things are nearly simple, but our big problem is we are so far in debt and he can lose his job because of it. I am a full time student and am using my gi bill for this so no money coming out for that. we do have a single income coming in but i have a homebase bus. that i do make some good money however we have child support to pay and i like that quilty in my husband for taking care of his other kids but its hard. I love my husband and I know my girls need their father.I tried asking about counsiling and he said no. what do i do

Answer 1

the number one rate of divorce is money problems, dont let this bring down your marriage.
get finicial help, if your husband doesnt want to just grab the bills yourself and go talk to someone on what they think.

Answer 2

Honey you need to slow down!
You have 3 kids under 3?! And your wondering whats wrong?! You are a student and only married 3 years?! These are all great things but also very stressful! These times WILL pass. While my kids were young it was very hard also. You need family support and most of all you need to put your marriage first.
So many people put everything before the marriage. Without the marriage first you wont have a happy home. About the debt......go to a credit councling service. It will affect your credit but it will also save you. It will get you outa debt in a few years. We did it and then later bought our first home using the VA which you must have if you have the GI bill. About the GI bill.....maybe you should go part time for now until things get less stressful? The GI pays alot of money I doubt your spending that much per month on school?
Just take a breather...enlist some family help and relax. Spend a sexy weekend alone with your hubby....that will make him feel good and more secure. Good luck honey...dont give up!

Answer 3

This is a tough one............
ok, well as far as you being in school and your hubby working to support the family --that just doesnt work in todays society !
Sorry to sound harsh,but its reality,and it sounds like your hubby needs a break,a couple days to just relax and a weekend vacation.
He shouldnt be the one paying support if they arent his kids - if he is willing to do this then hats off to him,but you should have something arranged and pay for that yourself if they are your kids.
You said you have a home business - which is great if it brings a steady income in....it also isnt good for yout o be sitting home ..
Bills and finances are the bottom of every relationships problems - money is the demon - and it causes a lot of breal ups,and thats what the devil likes......
Here are some suggestions since he said no to counsleing..........
1) plan a weekend getaway for just you and your hubby,no kids - make it a suprise - just tell him a couple days in advance you have made plans for the weekend - a little suprise,and he needs to be prepared
2) Have him call into work a couple days in a row,and just let him sleep in and relax.he can use the excuse that the kids are sick,they cant fire him for that..........
3)Take out a loan to combine all your bills into one - one payment a month - a lot less stressful
4)try to get yourself a student loan - even if it only 500 it will help
go out and get yourself a part time job,that with your home business should work better than what your doing....
try budgeting a $100 extra a month and go to rumage sales - buy some nice things and resell them on Ebay for a higher cost. Alot of people make a true living on Ebay,and its a good income.
5)alot some time every week for just you and hubby to be together forget about the world and relax - even if its only 6 hours of time.
your local dept of social services should be able to help you cover daycare

Answer 4

It sounds like more of a money problem. Obviously money is the number one reason couples argue so I would try working from that angle.
Honestly I was looking on a different forum for answers to money questions when I heard about an author named Dave Ramsey. His plan is hard to follow but if you can...it really will change your life as well as your thinking.
I'm struggling getting my husband to adhere because it does take discipline but I've already managed to save over $1200 in less than 3 months. We've never had a savings account as long as we've been married! (3years)
We have 6 children, his, hers and ours so money is always tight. I too am attending law school and receive very little financial aid because my husband makes pretty decent money. It's hard but I'm committed and he is committed to me!
Try any one of his books and consider his plan. If you can do it, it works!

Answer 5

As former military you might be able to get some help from the VA or the Vets. They might have some daycare or financial advisers. Also how about joining the Guard? This way you have more income, & a few days away from the kids. Have you downsized your life yet? Get rid of the cable, sell some of your stuff, go on WIC. Why not go to counciling yourself? .

Answer 6

Yes your girls do need their father, but they also need to eat and have a roof over their heads. You need debt counseling as well as relationship counseling. But if he's not willing, you may have to go on your own. Sounds like a male pride thing, also. Maybe if you start the ball rolling by going, he will join you. Maybe the child support issue could be looked into and adjusted. As far as the trust issue goes, that can be a real fly in the ointment. Time and counseling can help. I wish you well.

Answer 7

It is know that money is the number one cause of divorce.

When you say that he does not trust you, do you mean that he is blaming you for mishandling the money and putting yourself in debt?

If you are really serious about working on this relationship, you need to sit him down and talk to him. If it is about the money, then you both need to sit down and make out a budget and stick to it otherwise you can count on working long hours just to keep up with those bills.

Answer 8

well you could try to manage your finances differently, like things you do not absolutely have to have leave them out. i know this is hard especially with children however finances are the number one cause of arguments. make him talk to you. the two of you need to sit down alone and discuss what you are feeling and try to work with the finance problems together one person can not be expected to do it all.

Answer 9

Perhaps assistance in managing your finances may be of value.

Answer 10

one of you can get a job.
bite the bullit.. you don't have much choice.
if you are so much in debt stop spending and earn more.