Need advice ! My wife is killing me!?

Question

I love my wife, but we are having strong arguments lately and she already cross the line breaking one computer, my cell phone, hiting our dog to hurt me, calling my family horrible names and what is worst: she has called the police on me and I didint touch her !! just to bother me ... I went to a phsycologist, therapist, EVERYTHING !! I am not an angel and I act aggresively when I loose it but NEVER violence !!! she has throw things to me, even sissors that almost cut me or who knows ... what can I do? she wont leave me and to be honest I am willing to fight for this relationship ... but calling me names and all this violence is killing me inside. Any advice?

Answer 1

It's interesting b/c I think if you were a woman I think every response would be leave the guy, but since you are a guy everyone thinks well you will be fine, but I think you are in a dangerous place with her. People that hurt defenseless animals, what can you say about that....Calling the police when you hadn't touched her seems disturbing. If she loses control too much seems likely & you could get seriously hurt at some point, what if she had a weapon, or if you had to defend yourself that would be bad too? I think you should probably leave her for your own safety sorry.

If she gets counseling for her violence/anger issues for long-term (I think it would take months) and then you still feel like fighting for the relationship then, do so, but I would only do so AFTER she has had long-term counseling for her anger & violence problems AND her counselor feels it is safe for you to do so. And if there are children involved I think you should take them with you!!!

Answer 2

You admit your not an angel, you see psycologists, therapists and everything. You act aggressively, but are never violent? I think you have totally turned your wife (the love of your life) against you. She reallys hates your presence in the home and I believe you have really gone and done it this time. Violence can come in many forms, maybe you feel you haven't physically attacked her, but you may have threatened her one too many times. It would be better for you to leave the marriage at once, whether you want to or not. Leave and don't ever go back to reconcile, it's not jealousy, it's hatred. She is showing you how she feels around you. Don't you just feel the love?? The odds of her winning a case against you for mental cruelty are great, especially if she didn't show signs of aggravation before she married you or until after your own show of aggression. File for separation (pending divorce) then get some real help for your aggressive / argumentative behavior. Let her sort out her own troubles.

Answer 3

Ask to meet her somewhere at a coffee shop, just the two of you. Explain to your fiancé that you need to talk to her privately and only for a short time, you do not want to keep anything from your fiancé that could be considered a lie by omission. Meet with your sister in law and explain very carefully that because you look like her husband she is mistaking her feelings for you. But that you are a very separate person from your brother, even though you were a bit alike. Explain that it is only natural that seeing your identical face is going to bring emotions back for him that is confusing, but that your looking like him doesn't make you him. Tell her that with how much more difficult it is that her husband had an identical twin that is still in her life, that she'll need some grief counseling to work it all out. Explain that you do still love her like you always have but only as a sister that she came to be. That you cannot ever take the place of your brother and have no desire to even try. Explain carefully that it will never be and that her hoping brings you much discomfort and pity. Do your best to stay out of sight for a bit after that. Give her some time to get her head on straight. Grief counseling is only once a week and takes a lot more than one session to even start coming to grips with everything. Maybe send your fiancé only to pick up your nephews? As for your fiancé, once you are done talking to sister in law have a candid talk with your fiancé next. Explain that your sister in law is very confused right now and that your shared face that you have with your brother is making things very hard for her. She keeps seeing her husband and not thinking right at this moment. Explain she doesn't want you but wants her husband back, as any grieving wife would. Explain that once your sister in law gets to a bit better of a place that she's going to feel really embarrassed about the way she acted and so anger, upset and jealousy cannot play a role in the present. Love, understanding and pity is what you two should feel towards her during this difficult time. Your girlfriend should be more than willing to take your lead and follow your actions in this horrendous time. And your grief is going to be hard as well, grief counseling for you would be a good idea as well, just chose someone other than who your sister in law is seeing. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

I guess you just need to ask yourself how much is enough? Is it really worth it to stay in a relationship that is emotionally damaging not to mention physically.
If she is already calling the police on you, you need to think about the long term ramifications to a (possibly) false police record.
I think if you are truly wanting to fight for this relationship it would be a good idea for the both of you to attend counseling together. Something is broken in this relationship either with one or both of you. I don't think fighting to save this relationship alone is going to help matters.
Good luck and hang in there...whichever you decide.

Answer 5

You may be willing to fight for this relationship, but is it worth fighting for?

If we are to take everything you've told as the God's honest truth, this is one relationship a sane person would RUN from, as fast and as far away as possible. This is not a marriage. This is a boxing ring. You are not a husband. You are a punching bag.

Thank goodness there are no children--I hope????

Please, TAKE THE DOG and take yourself and GET OUT to a safe place. Consult a lawyer IMMEDIATELY about how to Cover Your ***..ets. Don't call her and chat her up, and for God's sake, DON'T go back for "conjugal visits."

I'm sure you have family and friends who are waiting for you to see the light. Go to them. Start your life over.

Good luck!

Answer 6

You may not be an angel, but she is a lunatic! She hit your dog to hurt you? I pray she never has kids...RUN, DON'T WALK as fast as you can away from this person. She is abusive and unstable. If you don't, your family may end up on the news crying over you. She needs help, but it is NOT up to you to see she gets it. You say you are willing to fight for this relationship. Are you willing to fight for your life? I hope it never comes to that. Get out, and don't look back. Good luck.

Answer 7

I feel for you,my brother had a wife that did the same things to him,she bellitled every chance she had and was always up his back for thi that and the other thing, when she got mad (24/7) she threw anything and everything at my brother,chairs,phones,kitchen utensils the vcr etc etc! she cursed a blue streak at him and the three children.oh she made the tazmanian devil look like an angel ! he could not take her s**t any more and hre divorced her.shes a beast!

Answer 8

sorry, but you need to get out of there, take your pets with you. You should not have to live in these circumstances. Think of the long term. Can you seriously see your self lining with this woman for the rest of your life? growing old together? No body deserves to be treated like that. Good luck

Answer 9

HOW can this be? Women aren't violent. I've never seen a story on CNN, or Good Morning America, or even on Oprah about violent women, therefore they don't exist.

Why are you telling lies? Why are you denegrating women? You need to turn yourself in to the PC police and apologize.

Women are angels, and VICTIMs, you better get on board, or you're gonna catch hell.

Answer 10

This woman is obviously violent and has no control of her temper whatsoever. She needs to see a therapist, and get anger management counselling.

The other suggestion is what the others said -- marriage counselling.