I'm a working mom, who gets to come home from work and work, I am married to a working dad,?

Question

who comes home from work and relaxes. Okay, I allowed it. now after 22 years I'm tired. How do I approach the situation? He has to be taught..empathic, sympathetic.... *sighs* how can I teach without feeling frustrated?!!?

Answer 1

I think most working women have a similar problem. I do. I work full time but my husband believes that his job is so exhausting that he can't do anything when he gets home. I have to hound him to take out the garbage and cut the grass.

If they ever make a vibrator that will do those things I 'd buy one and kick his as.s out of here................

Answer 2

You waited 22 years to suddenly decide you wanted your husband's help around the house? 22 years!?! No offense, but I hope you have a prescription for some serious nerve medication because I think you are going to need it. I don't think there is any way possible to approach this subject with him without giving yourself a migraine...which will match nicely with that back you have been breaking all these years. I suppose when you begin a task, you could ask him nicely if he wouldn't mind helping you, or even suggest he do another task while you finish up something else. If he protests, mention that the sooner you complete the household chores the sooner the two of you will be able to settle in for some nice relaxing (possibly invigorating?) alone time. If that doesn't work, go on strike and then on vacation...solo.

Answer 3

Tell him that you're tired of working two jobs, and he needs to do his fair share of maintaining the home.

Then give him a list of all the stuff that needs doing, and ask him which things he's willing to do, or do part of (like cooking 2 nights a week).

Letting him choose the ones he does is more likely to get his cooperation than assigning him things.

But then you have to accept how he does them and not complain he doesn't do them right.

If you really can't bear how he does something, renegotiate the list, and offer to trade something of his choice for what you want to take back.

If he doesn't agree to the basic concept, tell him you two need to go into counseling to work this out, or you'll be leaving him.

Also, try to rearrange when things get done, so more things are done on weekends, where you're both working at the same time on house-stuff, but haven't already put in a full day.

Also, try to make things as efficient as possible -- cook a lot of big things on the weekend, so you don't have to cook during the week.

Shop for the whole week then, too.

(If you make huge batches of things, and freeze some, within a few weeks, you'll have lots of choices in the freezer for during the week.)

Decide on what things don't matter to you, and slack off on them. Do them once a month, rather than once a week, or whatever.

Those are all the ideas I've come up with.

If you implement them all, things should be significantly better for you.

Or hire someone to do things for you -- they could come in during the work week and clean the whole place.

Answer 4

I am sympathetic to your issue, but I really am not sure how much success you will have in changing things. How old are your children? If you're married 22 years, I assume they are at least teenagers, if not away at college. They can help out-do their own laundry, clean their bathroom, run the vacuum, help with food preparation. Husbands are harder to train. Are there things he does that you never have to, like garbage, yard work, paying bills on time, car maintenance, that kind of thing? Not that it equals what you do, but re-negotiating the chore division at this stage in a marriage is easier said than done. My parents are married 36 years. In that time I don't think my father has ever done a load of laundry, gone grocery shopping, cleaned a bathroom or changed the sheets on their bed. Despite my mother's best efforts, she can't teach her old dog new tricks.

Answer 5

Just write down a list that you don't want to do (or want him to do). Tell him you are about to hire a clean up service to come in every week for $xyz because you can no longer handle it. Leave it like that. He may or he may not pick up the work. But if not, it means he agrees to fork out the $ to offload you.

Answer 6

After 22 years, you dont know how to talk to him?
Try relaxing as he does, for starters. If the children are still at home, they have responsibilities as well.

Answer 7

i feel your pain, but after 22 years he has been taught these habits so it will be hard to break. but I would just ocassionally ask him to help you do things after work, without sounding like a "nag". which most men call us.

Answer 8

you would drive me to drink. Shut up and deal with life. Your husband deserves a few strippers from listening to you yap all day