what should i do about the situation im in let me know something??

Question

the apartment and all the bills are in my name and my girlfriend of ten years turned 30 this year and decided that she wants to break up. we have two daughters and she doesnt have a place to go. she says she loves me but the desire is not there and she wants to find herself and not live with regrets. she has never dated or been single like that and she wants to experience it. should i keep my doors open and let her experience and see what she is missing or should i tell her to get out and close the door? mind you she stated that once she cleans her closet she never put the same clothes back in it and at the same time she has never depended on herself what should i do? her mother says be patient with her but i have a feeling it might be mid life but she says its not. we never had any serious relationship problems she just said it was something that was in her for a long time. she only wants to be friends with no benefits and wants me to find someone better than her, let me know somethin

Answer 1

I think you should try to find somewhere else to go and let her give it a whirl, it could go one of two ways, but really if it goes in the negative direction, why would you want to be with someone who does not love you and only needs you to pay the bills????
Stay close by, but not smothering and see what happens, no matter what happens make sure you are always there for your daughters!

Answer 2

I think this girl is either seriously depressed or lying to you about this relationship. How will she support herself? You didn't mention that, or the most important thing. What will
happen to your 2 daughters.
I think because you have 2 children here you should insist on getting real help. From a professional, if you think you can save this relationship you owe it to those girls.
I think your wife (common law wife) may just be depressed with her life. You didn't say if she had a job or a career. Or if she gets out for fun whenever she wants, ( I mean within reason) Shopping with girl friends, or letting you babysit the kids for a girls night out once in a while. Not every week unless she belongs to a bowling league or something.

When I was married I was depressed most of the time. I blamed my husband but one day I realized, it was my own fault. I got a job and had more money to spend. I had less time to be bored and I went shopping and fixed up the house and planned weekend parties. Our relationship was much much better.

Answer 3

I feel bad for ya. You know, you can either go on and hope that she will be back, but she has stated that she won't. She wants to move on. I'm surprised it took her so freakin' long to deside this. She even had two daughters with you! Yes, its a mid-life. She is clueless. People don't realize that they are going through it, if they go through it, when the go through it. You wouldn't really want a relationship of friends with benefits with her anyway. You could suggest a marital councelor, since despite you not being technically married, you are through intimacy. You can also cut your losses, have her move out, get a good lawyer, make sure you have custody rights, be responsible and find someone nicer. She is in otherwords saying to you that she has been trying to be true to herself for a long time and doesn't 'feel' 'want' or 'desire' a relationship with you. I hope this helps a little.

Answer 4

Maybe she feels you could have married her over the past ten years....and she wants to go out in the world and see if someone might want to do that with her? it seems like her self esteem is really down inthat she feels she wants you to find somebody better than her....why does she feel that way? It's like she isn't feeling good enough for the relationship and desires more than just being a girlfriend giving you all the benefits of a wife? Maybe you need to sit her down and communicate with her and ask her to be your wife before she up and leaves. Find out what she is really thinking and do it with love and understanding. try making her life more romantic after ten years maybe she feels that she is being taken forgranted. She needs you to date her and make her feel important. She has been with you a very long time and you have children together.....I think she needs a sound commitment or something. I really hope it all works out for you both I believe you still have alot to stay together for. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 5

It may be unfortunate for you and the girls, but she telling you the truth. She has never experienced life on her own and now is going to give it a try. I know so many people like that and that is why I advise young teenages and young adults to go out, live a little and have good times before they settle down. I've seen it happen so many times.

As far as what you should do--well, just do what you think you should do and try to deal with it. Let's hope she can find a job and be self-sufficient so if she comes back to you, it will be because she wants to--not because she has to.

Answer 6

You cant make someone stay if they dont want too, and she obviously needs something right now that your relationship isnt fullfilling, life as a single mom sucks, and especially since she hasnt been on her own with the kids.

Putting her out on the street with the kids isnt a great idea, but if she wants out, she needs to get herself a job, figure out child care, and get a place to live, you guys need to discuss this indepth and determine what is the best choice for all of you.

As for being patient, you cant put your life on hold for someone else, as hard as it is, you need to get this sorted out quickly and get a custody/support agreement for kids and you, and get on a schedule that works, then start the healing process.

And please dont argue in front of the kids, this will be tough enough on them let alone to hear mom and dad saying bad things.

Deep breaths, and work out the details...

Answer 7

You dont mention Love.. You mention all about her.. What do you feel. Is she the love of your life. Do you ever wish to be with someone else or are you totally happy with this women. 10 years is along time to be together I hope that you dont just leave it up to her , you should have an opinion also. Things happen for a reason. You may end up happier in the long run if you are just friends. Good luck.

Answer 8

I say let her find a new closet to put her clothes in. She sounds like she has her mind set on other things and you are no longer a part of it.

If she truly loves you, she would move out and let you start the healing processes.

Close the doors and let her go, you still have two daughters who still love you.

Answer 9

I don't know. That's a tough one.
I've heard that the best thing to do in situations like this is to give it a year apart. After a year, meet and decide if parting was really the best thing to do ... or if you both learned something about life and the relationship that make it more valuable.

Answer 10

Just mock out any future beaus as pathetic, and sound cock sure that she'll never find anyone as good and loving as you are. Just tell her, hey we can't have it all, some of us can only have the best! You have to reassure her, all that's out there is losers and disease and she'll lose the best bond in her life, that is the one to her kids and her kids' dad. You have to be the confident one...but why weren't you married? Was it she wanted to keep a distance, or you? Is this a power play?