How do you let go of resentment towards a significant other?

Answer 1

I think the key is obviously forgiveness, allowing the past to be the past and accepting imperfections from your mate. We are all imperfect and make mistakes, and I truly believe everything is forgivable. You can forgive and let go of the resentment whether you stay together or not, it isn't always easy but it is always possible. With that said, it is almost impossible (at least for me) to forgive unless you truly feel that they recognize and don't intend to repeat the act or acts that hurt you or caused your resentment. Knowing you made a mistake is one thing, learning from them and actively trying to correct them is another. Not knowing your situation, I can only say, actions speak louder than words. You know your mate best, are they trying to make it right? Do they value your feelings and relationship enough to try, even if they don't see it in the same light as you? I know if I hurt someone I love, knowingly or not, I do whatever it takes to make it right. That's not always possible but my pride, ego etc take a back seat and I try. You also have to be very specific in what they can do to reassure you. That's not always easy when your angry/hurt but you need to be honest and realistic when you let them know what you need from them. Open and honest communication is crucial.

Answer 2

In life, there are many reasons to be resentful. Our partners whether we are still with them or a thing of the past, will most likely be a part of our lives for a very long time. A part of their life lingers in our memory and ours with them. Before letting go of resentment towards a significant other we must dig deep within our "self" and distinguish what about this person makes us so angry. We may be in for a surprise when we discover that our feelings against others are not at all about them, but about us. Understanding this is a valuable lesson. We must let our guard down to accept our less than perfect behaviors. Once we reach this, we can look at ourselves with compassion, and this extends unto the person we resent and reach forgiveness at a level never before experienced. I resented my ex-husband for 16 years, and though intellectually I understood that I was only hurting myself, I didn't think I had a choice. Well I did! When I chose to no longer punish myself, and learned that I deserved to feel good "always", my life began to change. My ex and I talk like old friends now. First, I had to make the choice to no longer be afraid. Second, I allowed him in my life removing all my preconceived views of him (my judgments and criticisms). Third, I saw him through the eyes of compassion. We reached a completion and I took back the part of me I had left behind and that he had kept all these years. I am free from this now, and wish that you reach this level too.

Answer 3

I would like to know the answer to that one too. I still have alot of resentment to my hopefully soon to be ex, even though we have not lived together in over 2 years. I still resent the fact that after 30 years of marriage, he cheated on me for over a year before he had the guts to tell me and he did that by telling me as I came in the door from work, he was going out. He took the coward's way out, he ran before I had a chance to say anything, maybe that is the reason that I still have so much resentment, is I never got the chance to tell him what I thought. Good luck in getting over your resentment, maybe we both will in time.

Answer 4

This is a tough question. Bitterness and resentment is like poison. If you choose bitterness/resentment it is like voluntarily taking poison and hoping someone else will die. Resentment is futile. I got over my resentment (I admit I slip from time to time) by accepting my reality and, here is the hard part, praying for my soon to be ex-wife. I don't mean pretend pray but really praying for them. Nothing might not change but the weight of your stress will be less and you'll soon get the courage to forgive them. Life happens and you'll need to teach yourself how to heal and MOVE FORWARD. Stop taking poison and take control of your life...you're worth it.