Question about something I wrote?

Question

What do you think of this?? (I wrote it at like 3 am b/c I couldn't sleep.)?
Any suggestions to improve it are more then welcome!! Thanks! ~Katie ♥

All Over

The moon light pours in through my window. My face buried in my pillow, silencing my cries in the night. With every hot tear that sokes into the cloth, the open gash in my heart widens. And I know that it’s all because of you.
You were the only person that ever had my heart, but then you rip it, tare it, and discard it like it was nothing at all. And you never blinked an eye once.
You said you loved me once. And I thought you meant it. God, How could I have been so stupid?! But when I said it, I meant it, I felt it with every part of my soul.
Breath in, breath out…I’m still here. I’ll go on, and you’ll fade. Someday I’ll find someone else who’ll fill this void you left. And someday someone will do to you what you did to me, then guess who’s crying in the night.
But for now, I close my eyes and drift to sleep. This chapter is all over now.

Answer 1

A number of points for consideration in your writing:

1. You are mixing the past tense and present tense. Use one or the other.
2. Use your spell checker. Tare should be tear in the present tense, but you ought to use "ripped it, tore it, and discarded it . . ."
3. After the word 'God' use an exclamation point. If you use a comma after it, then the word 'how' is not capitalized.
4. Never use an exclamation point and a question mark simultaneously. Use one or the other.
5. Sentence of "And someday someone will do to you what you did to me, then . . ." should read:
"And someday someone will do to you what you did to me. Then guess who's crying in the night?"

Again, stick to one tense; don't mix present and past tense. Otherwise, your pain shows clearly for the reader. There are more little corrections needed for your narrative, but this is enough for now.

Answer 2

You need to be very careful about your spelling and grammar. Second sentence - missing a word. Read it and you will see.

It should be My face IS buried in my pillow, silencing my cried in the night.

or

My face, buried in my pillow, silences my cries in the night.
]
Moonlight not moon light
Soaks not sokes.
Tear not tare

Otherwise, it's a very tender little piece with a lot of feeling. Pax - C

Answer 3

Katie, I feel for you. But, chin up, kid. You obviously have talents, so focus yourself on them before you do on someone else. Above all, try out for the school play, even though you think you're too shy to act in public.