I just married a man in the military. Will the moving make me look unstable in a custody dispute?

Question

I have a 2 yr old daughter with my ex boyfriend. We never got married but we lived together for most of her life. He was in and out and has had trouble with finances and drugs. I wound up staying in the same house that we were renting together while I figured out what to do next. I've since married a long time friend who happens to be in the military. I know that there will be alot of moving involved in his career. I have moved out of state with my daughter with the father's permission, but he now is threatening to take me to court for custody of her. There has been no legal arrangement. Will the moving with my husband make me look like an unstable mother? Any help would be great. Thanks....

Answer 1

no if anything it looks better for you. A judge is not going to look down on a mother providing a stable home for her child if you remarried.

Answer 2

I went through something similar, this is what I did:

Go to your local courthouse and tell them that you want to file for custody and child support. This is important because wherever you are living now is your daughter's legal residence. Which means, if he wants to fight it, he will have to come to your local courthouse. Most states have forms that you can fill out yourself. Some even have lawyers there that will help you for a nominal fee.

Second, call legal services on base. The jag office should be able to help, even if it is only recommending a lawyer at a discounted rate.

Courts almost always side with the mother. The fact that your husband is in the military can only help you. It shows a maturity, commitment and stable family environment. And let's be honest who do you think the judge would pick: a drug addict father that hasn't been there, or a family that is serving the United States of America?

Answer 3

Good Luck Guy,
Depending on what state you lived in, if you do not want support he has no rights to that child since you were not married. The fact that you may or may not move around in the military does not show instability. In fact it proves just the opposite. Being in the military shows a steady income, steady life, and nurturing. Military family's are close to one another and help one another in many ways. The fact that you are now a military wife give access to all kinds of free legal advise and lawyers. These people would eat him for lunch. What is he doing for a living that provides a steady income and housing? On top of this he has past drug use? If he chooses to argue with you or trifle with the new life you are building for this child, you can have his rights swept away and your new husband can adopt this child. Do your homework honey and don't ever let anyone try to bully you. He is using harsh words and clever sayings to get under your skin. Tell him to put his money where his mouth is our just shut up.

Answer 4

The first thing you HAVE to do when you move EVERY time is establish custody in that state. My mom gave me this advice because she didn't and lost her first son. They were actually both in the military then, but that didn't matter. His dad just came and took him, and there was nothing my mom could do. If you at least establish physical custody in each state, your ex can't just come and take him. As far as the looking bad in a lawsuit, I doubt it. You and your new husband now have Tricare and life insurance and a bunch of other stuff for that girl. What does your ex offer. Can't be much or he wouldn't be an ex. Congrats on your marriage though. I love my military man too.

Answer 5

The court recognizes the military as a stable lifestyle. However since there has been no legal arrangement concerning the custody of your daughter your ex has every right to go to court for custody if not full then joint/50 50 custody or at least visitations and you will have to comply, military or not.

Answer 6

You're married to your husband, right? The only reason I ask is there are lots of folks who call their significant other their "husband" or "wife," but they aren't married.

No, moving because of your husband's military service will not make you look unstable at all. Plenty of people do it every day.

I would consult with an attorney, preferably in the state that he lives in--because that's probably where he's going to file. But don't stress anything until you're actually served with custody papers. Until he files, he's threatening, and that's all he's doing. He may be trying to scare you into not moving.

good luck to you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I think your ex is just trying to control you. He probably does not even want custody. With his problems before I am sure he could not win custody anyway. However, what I would do is get your own lawyer (the military may have one you can get free advice from) and get LEGAL custody of your daughter.

Good luck to you. I doubt that any court would consider you unstable.

Answer 8

The great thing about being married to the military is resources. I would go to your Legal offices on your military base and ask them these questions. As far as being an unstable mother NO! You are in love and you married a man, who's career happens to take him all over the place. First I would go to your legal offices and get their help they will lead you in the right direction!

Answer 9

You could have full physical custody of your child and still get into the military. DON"T give up any of your rights as a father. Did your recruiter say there is a limit on dependents to go into the military, or does that go for everyone that is already in? I suggest you go to JAG and talk to them personally. Wait to get married until after you are settled at your duty station. Its easier if you do it all at once with changing her name and getting her id's and things. If she has full custody of her two other children, then they will be your dependents as well. You take them to DEERS and get them set up with insurance. (Im not sure how insurance works for stepchildren, talk to the actual DEERS people for that one) Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have kids and be in the Army. That's a bunch of crap. I know lots of people who were single parents with sole custody and still joined the Army. My cousin is in the process of doing that right now.

Answer 10

Are you kidding hunny? If you were moving just to move, that would be one thing, but you are married to a man who is serving his country! The courts will definately be in favor of that, this man is providing a sure and steady life for you and your daughter, even if you are moving around to do it!

Consult a lawyer, I am not sure where you are, but where I come from, if I move out of state and my ex would petition for custody, he would have to come to the state I am living in to do it. Have you filed a change of address, or taken your daughter to a doctor and given them your current address? Doing either of these things establishes residence....... some lawyers give free consultations, check and see but I really don't think you have a thing to worry about!

Good luck and God bless you and your family, tell your hubby my family and I say thank you!

Answer 11

First, file the paternity suit. His threats to take you to court for custody are empty threats because he thinks you are going to file against him for child support. His drug use and lack of finances are far more telling regarding stability than marriage to a man in the military. Everyone knows that military life involves moving, that is not instability because it is not by choice. By the way, in all 50 states, child support belongs to the child. Get it for her.