I went to a party on Saturday with my boyfriend... We're both 17 and we've been dating for a month... At the party he was drinking, but I was driving so I didn't drink much...
After he'd had a few beers, he started trying to feel me up in front of everyone at the party, I wasnt comfortable with it so I tried to stop him... Over the course of the night I told him to stop at least 10 times, and I physically pushed him away from me at least 10 times... At one point I tried to just walk away from him and he grabbed me and pulled me back so I couldnt leave...
This isnt the first time he's been a bit forceful but it's by far the worst... He's also more forceful and aggressive when he's drunk...
He appologized on Sunday when I was really mad at him...
Should I be worried this is going to lead to abuse or violence?
Is there something else I can do to stop him?
Is it a bad sign that he's more forceful and agressive when he's been drinking?
2007-05-07 14:09:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
We both love to party although we have different styles... He prefers to drink and drinks every weekend... I prefer to blaze and I do that every weekend...
2007-05-07 14:24:39 · update #1
His mom drinks regularly and heavily and he rarely sees his dad (he hasnt seen him for months)...
Also, sometimes he's just the nicest guy, he says and does the sweetest things... But then just a few hours later he'll be the biggest a**hole
2007-05-07 14:29:13 · update #2
He also wants to see me every day, and if I tell him I'm busy he asks what I'm doing, who I'm with, etc.. every time and then he tries to convince me to hang out with him instead... If I'm not with him he calls me constently...
eg: I went to my friend's house, he called me before I got there, and he called me twice while I was there (which was for less than 30minutes)
eg: I was mad at him on Sunday, so he called me 4 times within an hour, when I didnt pick up my phone he went on msn and tried to talk to me there... I told him I had to go and he called me again a little later and when I didnt pick up he went on msn to ask me why I wasn't answering my phone...
I find him to be a bit controlling, he always wants to know exactly everything about what I'm doing and if I cant see him he tries to convince me to not do whatever it is I have to do and see him instead...
2007-05-07 14:56:20 · update #3
Yes it is a red flag for abuse and violence. Most younger men seem to be about that age when they start abusing their girlfriends. It is very scary and y ou need to think of breaking off the relationship or at least getting him into counseling.
What about his homelife? Good family or a broken home?
There is only two things you can do...
1. Break it off
or
2. get him into counseling ASAP!!
Good luck!
2007-05-07 14:21:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
While neither drinking or the use of drugs are signs of an abusive personality, heavy drinking or drug abuse may be a warning sign and do increase the risks of abuse, especially violence, taking place. Often an abusive person will blame the drink for his/her abuse. However, a person who, knowing there is a risk he/she could be violent when drinking or on drugs, chooses to get drunk or high, is in effect choosing to abuse.
An abuser may physically restrain you from leaving the room, lash out at you with his/her hand or another object, pin you against a wall or shout 'right in your face'. Basically any form of force used during an argument can be a sign that actual violence is a strong possibility.
2007-05-07 14:23:12 · answer #2 · answered by T_and_the_Captain 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetheart,
this is the biggest red flag warning that i have ever seen! And yes it is a bad sign that he's more forceful and agressive when he's been drinking. It sounds to me like he wants to isolate you from your friends and what's with all the phone calls????
This behavior can only lead to abuse and/or violence so my advice to you is to break up with him before you get in too deep. And also the feeling up behavior is totally unhealthy......
it's like he doesn't respect you if you have to tell him 10 times to stop and then he doesn't.
Please, please get out now while you can....there is nothing good about this relationship....it can only get worse. I wish you the best of luck and may God bless and keep you safe in the future.
2007-05-07 22:00:04 · answer #3 · answered by sweetness #1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The drinking and the physical force concerns me. It's early enough to get away from him pretty easily. Seriously, you are smart to to be asking these questions. Not only is it a bad sign that he is forceful when he drinks, it sounds like he drinks to get drunk and that in a one month period this has happened more than once. Please be sensible and break up with him. Also, I want you to not drink at all when you're driving. Seventeen is too young for drinking, but driving after drinking is stupid at any age.
2007-05-07 14:31:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree it sounds like your not in a really healthy relationship but maybe breaking up with him will get him even MORE on your case I'd say try breaking up with him and if he asks why tell him the truth and if that doesn't work go to the main office at your high school and tell them that he has been calling you and how he won't get away from you but first make sure you have an adult you trust((I pick my mom to tell these things to, but we're tight)) anyways talk to that person and tell them what is going through your mind tell them about how you went drinking and even if you get in trouble it could just maybe save your life chica!
XOXO hope all goes well and im so sorry to hear about this!
2007-05-08 08:18:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
opposite to what the different posters have written.... Many abusers are truly alluring for an prolonged time earlier they coach their authentic colorings. they are the form of fellows that each and every of the girls pick, and many times very bodily eye-catching. they are many times the guy anybody likes to dangle out with, that buys you plant existence, and treats you truly properly...too properly. Many abusers do no longer develop into abusive until eventually after marriage. yet...listed under are some SMALL signs and warning signs that are present, even interior the alluring ones, that are hassle-free to forget cuz there is greater sturdy than undesirable: -nonconstructive critisizm and their expression whilst they provide it, to illustrate...even as interior the bathe "your thighs are truly enormous" - a great variety of fellows might point out this, however the abuser could have an exceptionally chilly/mean look on his face, then unexpectedly substitute lower back to his alluring self -reaction to others strikes - all of us lose it each and every from time to time yet you will see the abuser will lose it over small issues and look to have an unreasonable reaction, even in spite of if it truly is no longer direceted in direction of you, look out for it purely some techniques...wish it helps. the guy you're stating made it completely sparkling although!
2016-12-17 06:57:01 · answer #6 · answered by casco 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It's an entanglement.
It's already abusive, never mind could it become abusive.
And given you're both underage drinkers, this is already seriously bad enough for both of you to get counseling.
Statistically, you're both headed for a breakup, only to hook up with similar partners and do this all over again. Break the cycle early, like now.
2007-05-07 17:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by Paul P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a bad sign as far as his drinking habits go. Hopefully drinking isn't something he likes to do a lot. If so, then I would be concerned for your safety.
He is very aggressive and needs to be alarmed of the consequences of his drinking. They could be hurting or losing you, and it doesn't sound like he wants to lose you.
Let him know that he may need to give up drinking, or leave it at one beer at a time. Otherwise I would definitely be worried for your safety. Please be careful.
Best of luck.
2007-05-07 14:19:06 · answer #8 · answered by Brin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's already getting drunk at 17, it'll only get worse. If he's trying to feel you up in front of everyone, he has absolutely no respect for you. You'd do well to get rid of him. He may only be abusive when he's drunk, but that's enough to know you don't need to be with him. You deserve someone who will treat you better than that.
2007-05-07 14:26:43 · answer #9 · answered by First Lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh oh! not good. try avoiding if possible parties and such that involve alcohol, because alcohol sounds like the real problem here.tell him you don't like it when he drinks, and if he doesn't listen, leave him. :(
If your 17 , why are you drinking anyway, how did you get it because its illegal for an adult to be alcohol for kids. Have Fun Ruining Your Liver! :p
2007-05-07 14:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by neverendinglovee. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋