We met 6 weeks ago ,he's34 never been married and I'm 32 and have a 10 year old and 6 year old twins. My bf is very concerned about me having the kids and how holidays will be and that he has to have somebody else's family in his life !
I really like the guy and I just want him to try, go give a chance ,but I don't know how to react to this situation.....
He sais he likes me a lot ,but we should stay friends !...How can I stay friends when I have fillings for him and we are having sex ?...Is this normal ?
2007-05-07 12:42:57 · 24 answers · asked by Juliet 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did not put any pressure ...he's the one thinking about the future....and being afraid on how he will deal with the kids after he meets them....
I think he's also afraid of what he's family and friends will say about him dating somebody with 3 kids......
thank you for people that are not judgemental....
2007-05-07 13:18:23 · update #1
as you can see he is not ready to be a father figure to your children. I think he is being honest with you and realizes he can't do it. This hurts but it is better now then have waited until the kids started caring for him. 6 weeks is much to soon for him to worry about marriage. He just wasn't cut out of this with kids. You can't be friends with him when you still have feelings for him. Cut off all ties so you can heal and find someone who will love your children.
2007-05-07 13:25:25 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he really doesnt want to have to share you with anyone else. He is worried about the fact you'll always have to look after your kids first and foremost ( which that is totally to be expected) I just think sometimes single people don't understand what it is like to be a parent.
I am single myself...ive dated guys before who had children. I felt the same way as your boyfriend. So I moved on.. I didnt expect the kids to take the back burner.. maybe your boyfriend isnt mature enough to realize that?
I say move on.. you'll be able to find a man who understands that your kids are important to you..and of course you can have enough love to go around. He sounds super insecure and I think you shouldn't have to be with a person like that.
Stop having sex with him.. I know it's great to have sex... but it isn't going anywhere.. and the feelings will just get worse down the road.. run while you still can.
2007-05-07 12:49:25 · answer #2 · answered by greyskymourning82 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is simply not ready, willing or interested in pursuing a long term relationship that comes with a ready made family. You can try to change his mind but my guess is it isn't going to happen soon or easily. And that is just how some people feel..it doesn't make them wrong or evil. What does make this guy not so nice is that he knows he has no intent of being in a real relationship with you, says he wants to be friends BUT keeps sleeping with you knowing you have feelings and dreams of more. Enough is enough...time to tell him that friends don't sleep with one another. And friends will understand the importance of your children and family and accept them. Stop the sex and tell him you just can't be friends as your interest in him is too intense for that. Then move on...there are plenty of men out there who will love you, your children and the new set of in-laws that comes with!
2007-05-07 12:50:27 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute. If he says you should stay 'friends' then why are you having sex with him?!! You must be desperate to take that kind of baloney. It's the oldest line in the world. He just wants to be free to come and go as he pleases with no commitment, while getting free sex. Gee what a deal. And you're dumb enough to fall for it.
You have 2 children for crying out loud! What do you think this is doing to them? Are you so desperate for a warm body in your bed that you will put up with any crap including emotional distress for them? What happens when he waltzes off? What do you think that is going to do to your children?
Grow up. You are a mother and an adult. This is not the right thing for your kids or for you.
2007-05-07 15:39:40 · answer #4 · answered by D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I think 6 weeks is too early for him to meet your children. My friends that have kids wait a few months before that ever happens.
You are putting too much pressure on a 6 week relationship.
Fact is that men and woman age differently. My husband didn't settle down until he was 37. He's 34? If it's hard now a days for a man to settle down, much less to have a complete family.. especially after 6 weeks.
2007-05-07 13:09:00 · answer #5 · answered by jules 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So in other words, you're a mother of three children banging a guy that you've only been dating for six weeks and he's already concerned with how YOUR children are going to fit into his holiday schedule? No offense, but what's more important to you? Your children? Or some guy you've been having sex with, who you've only been dating for six weeks, that you CLAIM to have feelings for? Can you honestly look in the mirror and say that your kids come first?????
2007-05-07 12:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is not ready to settle down much less with a ready made family. Maybe you like him and want to give a relationship with him a chance but you can not change the way he feels. Stop having sex with him and move on and find a man that will love you enough to accept and love your children as well.
2007-05-07 12:50:24 · answer #7 · answered by susie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Invite him over to meet and hang out with the kids, like Saturday afternoon. Do something fun together.
If he refuses, then you have to decide whether you want the sex, because that's all you're going to get.
If you can't accept that, then move on.
If he agrees to meet and hang with them, you can see how it goes over time. It will take a while for him to know, himself, how he feels about them.
It's certainly understandable that he finds 3 kids a daunting prospect.
Especially if he's never had kids.
2007-05-07 16:02:59 · answer #8 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy for someone without children to accept someone else's child. It REALLY is not!!!
You're going to have to talk to him, and see if this is something he can get past. Although it sounds like he can't since he says you should just remain friends.
I wouldn't pursue this relationship any longer if I were you.
I had a friend who only dated chicks with kids, but would never actually get involved with one, his reasoning behind this was 'you know they put out'....
You definitely shouldn't be having sex with this guy when you aren't in a declared relationship. Sounds like you are just getting used. Sorry for your luck..
2007-05-07 12:47:57 · answer #9 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're better off walking away and cutting your losses now. If he feels like this right now, chances are he will never warm up to your kids. You will find a guy that makes you feel as good as this one and also wants the kids to be a part of his life too. Good luck!
2007-05-07 12:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋