How do i tell my wife-to-be that i would want my parents to stay with us?

Question

I'm getting married soon. Evrything's going great. I'm planning to get a bigger house. Only prob is...I don't like the idea of my parents staying in a different house by themselves. I want to take care of them and keep them in my "line-of-sight". They are in their sixties. I don't know how to tell my girlfriend that. I suppose evry girl wants to set up a family in their own house without in-laws. My girlfriend's parents have passed away.

Answer 1

What ever you do, you better tell her before she becomes your wife. She might agree, if not why don't you buy a house with a guest house out back, that way you have some kind of privacy. That is nice to take care of your parents, I would do the same. Just tell her. I will keep my fingers crossed.

Answer 2

You need to talk to her now! Tell her what you want to do however I doubt that she would want to start your marriage out with parents living with you. It is hard enough to adjust to each other and married life the first year especially. Are you parents sick or what? Can't they take care of themselves? Have you talked to them about this matter? Chances are they would not want to intrude on you and your bride to be either. If you are worried about them then maybe you could just buy a house near the house that they are in. If you can afford it another possibility (after talking it over with the bride to be and getting her approval) of finding a place where there may be a small second house on the property where your parents could live. That way they would be close by and yet in their own place. No matter what you do you have to be open and honest about your feelings right now...not later down the road.

Answer 3

Bad idea. Bad bad idea to move your parents in. If you want your marriage to last less than a year, then this is the way to do it. You as a young couple, need privacy to grow your relationship and build your marriage. Marriage is between two people, not three or four. DO NOT let your parents get involved in your marriage. That is the kiss of death for a marriage. Believe me.

You may need to ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly.

1. Are you ready for marriage?
2. Are you ready to move out of mommy and daddy's house to live with your wife and start a family?
3. Can you forsake all others and give yourself only to your wife? (ALL OTHERS includes your parents too.)
4. Do you feel the need to support your parents out of guilt? Or do you feel its your duty?

I'm not saying you have no contact with your parents. You need a separate home from your parents.

If you answer yes to number 4, DO NOT get married yet and go to counciling. You are not ready to marry this girl. You will be saving her and you a ton of stress later on down the road.

Answer 4

The 60s is the new 40s. I'm sure they are very young and perfectly able to take care of themselves for a couple more decades. When you get married, it's time to become a family with her. Ever watch "Everybody Loves Raymond"? That might change your mind about having parents too close by.

Answer 5

If you are going to get married then you should discuss this before the marriage and explain how much she means to you which she is probably aware of but that you love your parents and want to care for them.
Not so sure about the same house is a good idea maybe a flat close or an isolated area of their in to the side of the house ?

Answer 6

This is one of the things for pre engagement revealing. Yack Yack Yack Are your parents aware of this or is this your idea of controlling everything. Wife watches folks who are watching her and both do it for you and your own selfish peace of mind.
You are planning on getting a bigger place, good for you but before you present this to your intended you better have a better plan. Go house hunting with your intended, she will be living there as well and should have some input. Look for places with granny flats, ones with garages or basement or upstairs that can be converted into a granny flat, have lot space to add a granny flat or duplexes. Make sure the folks give a thumbs up before you make an offer.
Your mother and your new wife NEED their own homes and that's a fact.

Answer 7

Dude, your parents are in their sixties, not their nineties. Do not do this to your wife to be. Cut the apron strings, be a man, and live with just your wife.

I can't believe you're even thinking that way. You will lose her if you make this suggestion (or at least you should lose her). She has to become more important to you than your parents. Her welfare must supersede all others. If you can't do this for her then let her know now, so she can find someone who can.

Answer 8

I'm just curious how your parents feel about this. Do they want to live with you.

How controlling are they and will they be fair with your new wife to be.

Your wife to be has a right to have a home of her own. Give her the option as to weather you now are the man she wants to share the rest of her life with.

I think that family should be close, but honey not this close. Are they dying?????

Answer 9

This is uncommon unless it is encouraged or ok with your own ethnic culture. You should talk about it now and find a solution immediately if she is against it. About the only leverage you have is you own the house.

I would imagine the closest distance a woman can accept is not "line of sight" but several miles away.

Answer 10

You need to be able to have difficult conversations with her. This is a part of having good communication. However, don't expect her to be thrilled about this idea. Even if your parents are in their sixties, why do you feel they need to be so close? I think you are risking the marriage by pushing for this.