how to be a self confident woman....?

Question

i read somewhere that men (and women) look up to, admire, find it contagious and want to be around people who are happy and confident. I am not self confident and i know my husband finds it unattractive b/c i am kinda jealous. He gets nervous when a pretty woman passes by b/c he thinks I'm going to say "I saw you looking at her" or something like that. I already know I'm wrong for giving in to my insecurities and I often imagine myself stopping cold turkey and him being amazed at my change and finding a new found attraction to me in my new state of confidence. But how do i go about being that way? I wish i could be the type of woman to which my husband can say "she enjoys her life and no matter that we're broke with 2 young kids who drive us crazy, i lost my job but darnit, she's a happy camper!"

Answer 1

Recognize your insecurities. What does that scolding voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, to emotional abuse (past or present) from a loved one. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name.
Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
Remember that nobody is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.
Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.

I am gorgeous, huh?Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel.
Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.



Tips
Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises adrenaline and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
Take a wilderness experience course such as those found at Outward Bound or NOLS. Learning how to survive in the wilderness will build your confidence in other areas of life too. You can also try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
Invest in some new clothing and donate some of your old clothing to send a message to yourself that you both look sharp and feel sharp.



Warnings
Don't get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points; they can contrast your good points or even give you something to improve. There's no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
Don't confuse what you have with who you are. People degrade their self worth when comparing possessions.
Surround yourself with nurturing friends, not overly critical individuals who make you feel inadequate or insecure. This could do great harm and damage to your self confidence.
Do not try to become confident in the interest of finding a partner. You will regret creating a false personality as the relationship goes along.

Answer 2

I understand where you are coming from.

And, the only thing that I can tell you is to work your insecurities.
I think that you have made the first step, by admitting that there is a problem, and now you have to do something everyday to make it better.

I would say just start with trying to build up your self-esteem.

There have plenty of websites on the internet on building self-esteem.
But, you have to realize as well, that beauty is not just physical, but real beauty is inward beauty.

Just start loving and taking care of yourself.

Start looking in the mirror every morning and evening, and saying " I Love Me." It is a start.

Just a few suggestions, because being insecure can really run your man off.


P.S. Stand by your man, even if he is in a hard place right now, and have lost his job. Stick it out through the good and the bad, that's being a real wife.

Be Encouraged, and keep your head up!!!

Answer 3

Darling the way to be a self confident is from the inside out! First you have to know within your heart of hearts that you are a woman of excellence. You have to know you are beautiful and and feel that you can accomplish anything you set your mind too. Keep thinking positive thoughts. In knowing that, you have have to look the part outward, not for our benefit, but your own. What good is it to feel good on the inside and not show it on the outside. Why be in a queens body, looking tow down on the outside? Now that we've talked about getting the inside in order, girl get you something you like to wear that is your style and look sexy, do your nails and bump your hair with the curlers (if times are hard, going to the stylist is out of the question). Again, do it for you and of coarse your hubby will see that difference in you and so will others. Oh yeah, about your insecurities, they won't neccessarly dissappear when you make this transformation, but its a process. Your husband will pay more attention to you and others will see you as a shining beacon rather than not seeing you at all. Your attitude, your demenor and your overall self-esteem will stand out. You have to know you are in the valley right now...I've been there, I don't know how religious you are but chick count it all joy. It is hard...but know there is a way out. You might have lost this job, but go out put in more job applications and who knows maybe there is a job with your name on it that pays more waiting for you. I wish you the best of luck with life...

Answer 4

You have to believe it before anyone else will. You have to know that you are a good woman! Believe that there is not another woman alive that is a better mother, and better wife, or a better person! Believing in yourself is not about what you have, but what you are going to do to get what you want!!

So, that being said, even the most confident, secure woman in the world would not be a happy camper if she had two small kids and a husband with no job!!!! Keep things in perspective. Being strong and secure is also being able to kick a$$ when necessary and not feel one bit bad about it!!! If you being happy is what he wants, kick his a$$ with a smile on your face, but tell him to get a J O B !!!

Good luck to you!!!!

Answer 5

True, some women have some serious security issues. They need their men to hold them, rub them and tell them how special they are. They turn men into their emotional crutch and look to men for moral, mental and emotional support.
There's a real irony here when you think of all the women who go out of their way to show people how independent they are; only to turn around and become extremely insecure once they finally find a guy to love.

Find some things about yourself that you like...or better yet, LOVE. Maximize those attributes and show the world how good at "x" you are. People like knowing that you recognize a special talent that you have, and that you want to share it with others.

Answer 6

Since he's out of work, why don't YOU get a job and let him watch the kids? You'd be amazed at what a job can do for you. You will become empowered, and will know that you can stand on your own two feet.

When my boyfriend looks (and it's not all the time) it doesn't bother me. First, he's a guy so it's built in. Secondly, I never worry because as I've said to him, 'When you're Number One you don't need to worry!" He laughed and agreed with me. And third, if he does notice some woman like as not it's to say, "Ack! Why doesn't she cover up her fat belly? Do they really think that looks good?!"

Answer 7

well- to feel better about urself start off by getting a makeover- dye ur hair, cut it in a trendy hairstyle, start wearing consvervative-yet sexy clothing, do you r makeup different, always walk with a smile & greet people you meet on the street with a simple hello!! or good morning! naybe u would feel more good about urself and not so jealous when ur man sees another woman. I'm 5'6 40D cup, size 10-12 ( i have a big butt) hispanic- tan skin- dark brown eyes long black hair goes to my waist that i cut in layers & curl most of the time. I wear mostly "office like" clothes0 button up shirts with tight capris' and nice little pointy heels that always show off my french tip pedicures and usually wear Romance (Ralph Lauren) or Femme (Lacoste) to accentuate my smell & beauty. You should try all this. You don't need to look liek a slut to feel good about urself but simply wear something comfortable yet sexy, get your hair 7 toes done regularly and u woudln't feel like there's so much to compete with out there. When i'm out with my bf i get more looks than he does & when he knows that i know he's lookin at someone i make the first comment about the girl he's looking at insteading of getting mad at him i'll usually say something like "wow she has pretty legs.." or "i like how she did her hair.." etc. So he sees that ur not jealous or seems intimidated by anyone. Show him ur very self comfident. Good luck & any more tips on what to do IM me or email me and i could direct u ti sites where u can get beauty tips etc. Good luck and stay beautiful!! Ever watched that show "Swan" ? well- there u go- nothing is impossible!!

Answer 8

Hold your head high and never look backwards. Life can only move forward, never back. Try it, you may find you are alread a self-confident woman.

Answer 9

All I know is that if my man lost his job, I WOULDN'T be a happy camper at all!

Answer 10

Well I'm learning that they want someone who is secure because it makes them feel secure too. knowing you are the sh*t makes men think your hard to get and the one that gets you ( hubby) will be proud to hav you on his shoulder.