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STraight up, just tell me what you think. I don't discriminate. Lemme know which you like best, any why (but only if u wanna share!)

Love's Lacking Cry

I never thought I'd have to push and shove,
just for a bit of my father's love.
He never called me 'Daddy's little girl",
Never spun me in a childish twirl.
He never read me a tale from my favorite story book,
Never helped me make a clubhouse in a small corner nook.
He never danced with me in the rain,
Never kissed away the pain.
He never took me to the rink to skate,
But now its too late.

He never crossed the street, and held my hand tight,
never chased away the monsters in the middle of the night.
He never looked at me in awe with pride,
never came to comfort me when I cried.
So how come I feel his arms around me,
after he's died?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...
Life's Like That

Cold and grey,
your hair blown astray.
Flustered lost,a windswept sunhat.
It may be confusing, but life's like that.

Nervous with jitters,
heart's butterflies flitter.
perhaps your shy, oh what a drat.
Left in the shadows, life's like that.

Crazy with worry, feeling insane,
riding around, on an non-stopping train.
Not sure of where you're going,or even where you're at,
spun like a spinner, life's like that.

Not feeling well, full of regret.
your feelings are obvious, by your brow full of sweat,
full of remorse, you feel small as a gnat.
It's merely human nature, because life's like that.

Now you're happy and elated,
aren't you glad that you waited?
A tire lacking air, my poem's gone flat.
So here's the happy ending, because life's sometimes like that.

2007-05-07 08:57:28 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities Other - Arts & Humanities

2 answers

The first one is pretty good. Dark as hell, but still alot better than most of the crap out there.

The second one still needs some work. The ..."life's like that" rhymes are a little tenuous, but stick with it, there's something there.

2007-05-07 09:14:36 · answer #1 · answered by righteousjohnson 7 · 0 0

I liked the first one. Sad , but very well written. I really wasn't feeling the second one.

2007-05-07 11:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by The Truth 4 · 0 0

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