How do I not care that I am ugly?

Question

I'm not very attractive and I realize people are going to bombard me with nasty comments on here (hey, at least i'm not ugly claiming to be beautiful like many on here) but I wish I wasn't so damn sensitive about it. Once people get to know me, I make fast friends but i hate that people are snobby in the beginning towards me. How do you earn respect from the get go if you're unattractive? I hate that I have to work harder at it. It also just brings down my self-esteem even farther and makes me not appreciate those relationships.

Answer 1

The only respect you need to concern yourself with is your own. You seem like an intelligent, sensitive person. It's truly a shame that society is so superficial. You're very smart to realize that when people get to know you, your physical appearance ceases to matter. Think how sad it must be to be a so-called attractive person who people only want to socialize with because they're beautiful. How long can that last? Be beautiful from the inside out. People will see that and friends or co-workers who dont see it are really the losers. It's always been my contention that everybody is beautiful in one way or the other. Find something in yourself that you think is pretty and focus on it, if that helps your self esteem. Personally, I'd like to have you for a friend-Paris Hilton need not apply.

Answer 2

Everyone has a beauty about them. Even people who are not in their ideal health don't say they wish they were not sick on a continual basis if they want to get better. They thank G-d for the health that they have and rejoice in that. THAT is what they focus on, not the illness (not that they don't treat themselves for the illness). Beauty is simular... Beauty begins from within. If you can find a way to be joyful on the inside and be happy with who you are, you will find your beauty and you will see your beauty increase. It will begin to radiate from the inside out. Also, it may be that others seem snobby because they are sensitive about something about themselves that they don't want YOU to see. Most everyone has a front that they put up, it's a defense mechanism. People are like this because they are afraid or have something like low self esteem too. I'll keep you in my prayers that you find peace within yourself. I know it's not easy, but you can do it.

Answer 3

It's true that society as a whole judge people by looks. But, you will find that there are quite a few gems out there that look past looks and accept people for who they are. I'd much rather spend my time with these people than try to please those who hold more shallow values. The best you can do is continue to be a great person. Do what makes you happy- art, volunteering, going to church, or what have you. I think you will have a better time meeting people if you interact with people who share you similar interests.

And yes, sometimes you have to work hard for friends. But, don't ever believe that it is because of the way you look. I truly believe that making friends is one of the hardest things to do. Good looking people also have trouble making friends, especially if they have only been accepted for the way they look all of their lives. So, people might approach them quicker, but they might not stay around if they hold a certain personality.

Answer 4

I feel for you. I've been in a similar situation. I was very overweight for about 5 yrs and got a taste of how society treats people differently. I have been thin my whole life except for those five years. During those yrs doors weren't opened as often, people looked at me and whispered about how on earth I had such an attractive husband, I even got passed on a promotion that I know for a fact had to do with my weight....I could go on but in answer to your question...confidence and steadfastness go a long way. The fact that your self aware is confidence in and of itself. I don't think you give yourself enough credit!!!! You sound like an awesome person and if these "people" can't see that then there not worth it!!!!! It sounds like a cliche but it really is true!

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 5

First of all, you "make fast friends" and you are a sensitive person. You write very clearly and demonstrate above average skills at spelling and grammar indicating that you are intelligent and well educated. You sound pretty attractive to me.
Therefore, I know you'll understand when I tell you that physical appearance is entirely objective. Everyone's standard of beauty is slightly different and subject to each person's interpretation. What's beautiful to me may not be to you, and what we think is acceptable might just gross out the next guy.
Be patient, there is someone out there who knows that you are the most beautiful person they've ever seen. Be ready when you find them, 'cause falling in love is definately a 'E' ticket ride!

Answer 6

Start by doing the best you can with what you've got.
1. Find the right hairdo - go to a wig shop (if there is one in your town) and try on wigs till you find the style that looks best on you. If you can't get to a wig shop, have someone take a picture of you (a close-up frontal head shot) and then try drawings of different hairdos on it.
2. Go to a cosmetician and see what can be done via make-up. All most any large department store should have an in-house cosmetician. If not, sometimes they have special events in which a cosmetician will be available for consultation on certain days. Ask about it, in any case.
3. See what colors and styles of clothing look best on you.
a. Always co-ordinate and match your clothing. This goes a VERY long way toward creating a good visual impression.
b. Always wear neat-looking clothes. Even casual clothes come in neatly matched and co-ordinated styles. (There is NO reason why "comfortable" EVER has to equate to "sloppy".) You don't mention your general size and shape, but if you are at all heavy, then stretchy knit fabrics and elastic waistlines are wonderfully comfortable and come in some really flattering styles.
4. Choose jewelry that goes well with your clothes, but also goes well with YOU - your hairstyle and color, your shape of face, etc.
5. CARRY yourself well. Walk with pride and confidence even if you don't necessarily feel them at first. With practice, you WILL. It's called "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" or "NLP" for short. Simply explained, when you assume the physical characteristics and bearing of a certain quality, you gradually assume the quality, itself. (NOTE: I am NOT talking about acting conceited or phony - that's pretending in a very different way.)

Look around you. How many really BEAUTIFUL people do you see? Unless you live in Hollywood, probably not really all that many. Yet, if you notice, you will see normal and avereage - even physically unattractive - people who catch your attention in a positive way. How are they dressed? How do they carry themselves? What quality do they seem to have that makes them stand out?

If you have the ability to rent and play videos or DVDs, rent "BACK TO THE FUTURE" with Michael J. Fox. A minor character in the story is his older sister - played by a really UNattractive actress. This girl is a walking basket-case! In the opening scenes she is always moping around and complaining about her lack of a social life.
After the hero goes back in time and changes his family dynamic, we see the sister again - STILL PLAYED BY THE SAME ACTRESS!
But NOW, she dresses, styles her hair and carries herself well and the REST of the household is complaining about her SUPER-BUSY social life inconveniencing them! And when we look at her, she doesn't really look all that unattractive any more. (Remember - IT'S THE SAME ACTRESS!)
Watch the opening and closing sequences with her in them over and over several times until you get a real feeling for what I'm writing about here.

I, myself, have been called both "ugly" and "gorgeous", and I have had this same face all my life!

Answer 7

Sounds corny, I know, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty is deeper than just the outward appearance of a person. My wife is a beautiful woman and has always had a hard time with getting to know people. They think she is something she's not. She is very down to earth and humble but they look ate her and think she must be snobby or something. It works both ways. Good friends will accept you and love you for who you are. The others aren't important. Love yourself!

Answer 8

I would focus on the fact that your smart and mature enough to understand this ... awareness is half the battle

it allows you to follow your dreams, and that is where you will find your happiness