Why do people hurt others to make themselves feel better?

Question

What I mean is, how does it work? I am regularly abused by a group of girls at my work, it doesn't bother me because it only ever occurs when the ring leader is around....she is part time and I am full time. When she is not around, I am allowed to work in peace. I am amused rather than bothered by it, as I am fully aware it is only jealousy that causes this behaviour....just wondered what the psychology behind it may be.

Answer 1

Generally there is something going on the bullies life that makes them feel really bad and they dont want to be alone in their hurt so lash out at others.

I worked with kids who came from a background of abuse and neglect. I remember one particular girl who was the vilest girl I had ever met. She lashed out and said such nasty things that it was something difficult to take. It turned out that her mother was neglecting her really bad and her dad was abusing her. She was in so much pain, mentally, and she did not want to go through it alone. Hence her hurting others. She has a group of friends and she was the same with them but in smaller ways like putting "out of the group" if they didn't do what she wanted.

Maybe these people that are going along with the "ring leader" are scared that, if they don't, they will be on the receiving end of her abuse.

Perhaps she has an unhappy home life or something. That't not really an excuse but would explain the behaviour. I personally think you should report it because it's not on her bullying you, whatever her home circumstances may be.

Answer 2

Anger, Insecurity, Lack of any self-worth.
It's interesting isnt it, how when you are doing well and living well that friends of yours who notice this sometimes will go on the attack. It's a shame. If this is happening to you, let go of the person. It can be hard, I recently dealt with this myself - a friend of mine who became my friend when I was not at a good place at all in my life and how I was living, doesn't want to be my friend now that I am at a better place and living well for myself. It's very hurtful. We got into a huge argument, both said ugly things - even as I tried to cool the argument down, this friend just kept up the attack and accused me of all kinds of unfounded things - but refused to offer evidence of the accusations (because there isn't any). It's heartbreaking. This friend helped me out so much, so often, and I in turn always tried to help the friend. It just didn't work out. I have respected that they want to cut me out of their life, and really wished they would have the same respect for me. Not only did they begin stalking my answers here on Y! Answers, this person has also resorted to emailing a friend of mine. It's confusing and hurtful - they said lets end it, I said ok. So what's the problem?

The problem is this person is so miserable, they will do whatever they think they can to try and make others around them miserable too. Misery loves company. Do yourself a favor, and refuse to be that company.

Good luck, the pain will pass, and you will move on and really value the people in your life who don't seek to hurt you in an effort to feel better about themselves.

Answer 3

Hurt someone to make yourself feel better and you will understand why.

It's an instinctive feeling, we find pleasure in other people's pain for a number of reasons:
- Superiority
- Achievement
- Knowing we aren't in their position
- Strength

As higher-evolved creatures, we have the ability to reason and ignore our pre-programmed instinctive feelings. A baby's mind can't reason very well, we only gain this ability as we grow. People who fail to reason even when they are able are less than children.

Irrelevant, but a word of advice, many will tell you to ignore bullies--Don't. It doesn't work that way. They want someone who won't snap back... Maybe you're afraid of doing this, maybe you think defiance is wrong, but use reason to ignore those instinctive feelings and get what you want.

After all, they're less than children.

Answer 4

They lack their own self worth, self esteem and dont know who or what they are so by making other people suffer it boosts their self esteem, self worth, self importance for about five minutes or until they want their next fix.
they are usually people that have many issues not nessasary at work but within their inter personal relationships at home or just in themselves steming from bad experiences from their up bringing or past relationships.

You will be very annoying to this women as you do and say nothing, let her go on and on and she gets no where so she must be very angry with you and waiting your retaliation. Good for you for not becoming her emotional sponge as that is what people like her are SPONGES sapping everyone elses worth to gratify their own only trouble is she cant sapp yours ha ha.
Good for you and stay true to who and what you are it is the best way.

Answer 5

Hi hun
listen .... do not let these bl**dy bitches wind you up or bother you. They just want you to end up getting mad back at them and doing something really crazy, just to feel power over you and then to call you the mad cow. Remember THEY ARE THE MAD COWS!! I have suffered bullies before so know exactly how the parasites work. If things get too overwhelming, what about talking to someone you know in H.R. department. Talk to someone you can trust at work.

Answer 6

Actually if the person doing the hurting has any kind of human feeling then the hurting pleasure is very short lived followed quickly by guilt and shame. If this doesn't happen then we are discussing a psychopath!

Answer 7

It could be jealousy
They could be sadistic
They do not like themselves so they try to being everyone else down around them
They might purely dislike people in general.
They would like to see how people handle injustice to see how far they can take you.
May be that is all they know from past experience at home or away from home.

Answer 8

Only miserable people do that; ever heard of the quote "misery love company"

They are upset about something so seeing some one else being upset makes them feel better.

Answer 9

Perhaps they have a problem with Anger. Although its wrong to hurt others, some people find it satisfying, they feel good about it, very insecure people with mental problems. I hope your not being hurt to satisfy someone else feeling better, if you are then tell them to get to an anger management class. Good Luck. xx

Answer 10

I don't know but a lot of people do that here in yahoo answers.

I guess those type of individuals want a lot of self-pride.