We have been together almost 4 years and living together almost 1. Things have been a little rocky at times since living with each other, but I think it is us just getting used to living with each other. He feels we fight too much (like once a month). We were about to break up when he decided instead of breaking up, I move out for 3-6 months and we work on our selves and our relationship. In 3-6 months we reassess and decide whether we are going to break up for good, or get married. I don't think things are half as bad as he does and really would like to get married and start a family together. He just thinks things should be effortless and we should never argue. I tell him-such relationships do not exist. thingsw really have gotten better since we decided I will move out 3 weeks ago. Things have done a 180. I have actually started to look forward to being on my own again, and am getting excited. I am scared I may like it too much, like I did before I moved in can this work
2007-05-07 06:32:04 · 11 answers · asked by Jaime S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry, maybe some of you misunderstood, we are in counseling and we both want desperately for this to work, no he hasn't told me he wants space or his freedom, and no he is not going to cheat-that is not the kind of man he is. He spends every waking moment at work or with me. This issues at hand are us meshing our lives and our personalities, as we are so much alike. We are doing individual counseling and couples counseling to help us work on ourselves and together as a couple. this isn't about breaking up, it is about trying to stay together. He is 36 and never lived with a women before and never been in love before, so a lot has to do with that. He is very set in his ways and is working on that. My concerns are that I am feeling guilty for wanting to move out, when at first i was devestated, but I didn't want to give up my place to begin with, and now I am afraid I won't want to move back in. I just am so confused, I love him more than anything-ever!!
2007-05-07 07:07:31 · update #1
Its always good to live with the person before you marry them in case this situation arises.
Violet- thats bs and you know it. playing house??? Simply by living with someone? be an adult and grow up.
Maybe some time apart will make you realize that you do belong together and goodluck hun I hope whatever happens you will be happy.
I live with my fiance and we have some hardships also and ONCE a month fighting, I could only hope for that. We have a great relationship but we fight more than once a month. Agruements are good ina way it makes you know your boundries and understand the other person, it all depends on how you resolve it.
Goodluck
2007-05-07 07:19:37 · answer #1 · answered by Vada83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this a long time ago, and honestly it didn't work. I lived with my bf when I was 22 and moved out when I was 23. He nasty and verbally abusive, and I thought "I don't need this, I'm an adult, I can support myself"...so I got my ducks in a row and saved up money and got my own apartment. I too wanted my own space. He was not at all happy about me moving, but I did. We drifted apart after that, and I never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made =) I wasn't going to reacess what was wrong because I knew what was wrong and that's why I moved out. Independence is PRICELESS. Besides that, give yourself a chance to clear your head, hang out with friends and meet new people. You may just learn he's a dud...you know?
2007-05-07 08:09:42 · answer #2 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants his space you should give it to him and if you are so excited about the prospect of living alone again maybe this guy is not for you. A lot of couples have a hard time getting along when they first move in together. It's only natural. Now there is someones crap all mixed up with yours! Getting through it and learning to live together is part of the growing process. If he doesn't think it can work, maybe you two shouldn't get married.
2007-05-07 06:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mom23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the two of you need counseling. he sounds as if he won't commit because he wants it all his way. you sound as if you communicate on a superficial level and he's not really being totally forthcoming. seek help before you marry, have children only to break up down the road. kids don't deserve that . relationships should be unselfish bottom line. how can you be out and still together?
2007-05-07 06:47:20 · answer #4 · answered by lovelocklady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure it can work. If he really thinks it should be smooth he may have unrealistic expectations. However, if he is genuine about working on the relationship and he thinks the moving out will help, it can work.
You being excited being in your own actually doesn't bode quite as well. I guess you'll find out. It's not doomed though.
2007-05-07 06:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out. You had no business playing house and acting like a married couple when you were just shacking up. If you want to live together, get engaged, get premarital counseling, and get married.
He's right-- you shouldn't argue. You should be mature enough to discuss and resolve your problems like grown adults. Fighting once a month is 11 times a year too many.
2007-05-07 06:40:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Yes
2007-05-07 06:43:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he want to be free again and keep you on standby and looks like you're agreeing to it. It's unlikely that the relationship will get stronger. You will just drift apart.
2007-05-07 06:44:35 · answer #8 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out. This may be the eye opener that you need to realize that you don't need someone else to make you happy.
2007-05-07 06:46:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it can. Move out and see what happens. Best wishes!
2007-05-07 06:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋