I have answered an ad for a young man that has been thrown out of his home by parents unwilling to accept his being gay. I am older and interested in helping this seemingly innocent and nice young man. There are obvious things I must decide before Iinvite this person into my home, but I must be sure that I am thinking correctly because it is an emotional situation for him and for me both. I want to make sure we are both thinking straight (so to speak). I want to help him out, and I've begun to care about him, but I'm just wondering whether this situation has any chance for success. Has anybody had good -- or bad -- experiences they can share with me?
2007-05-07 06:04:01 · 12 answers · asked by Chgo Maverick 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Let me please clarify. This young person is of and beyond legal age. He is making his own decision without pressure from me, and he is attempting to leave a very bad situation with his family. I am not preying upon him or forcing him, and I am actually trying to make him see his situation logically. Please, folks, let's be nice here.
2007-05-07 06:23:43 · update #1
Thanks for the responses so far... Obviously the situation is complicated, both from his end and because we care about one another. No, I have told him that I will not support him, that he will be on his own, and that he will be responsible for his own schooling and meeting his own life goals. But I do believe we will become intimate, and I don't want that to further complicate the issues he's facing. In fact, it already is. I guess I'm also trying to figure out how I know whether I trust him or not. He seems honest and true, but one never knows until you're faced with a bad situation.
2007-05-07 06:59:54 · update #2
I, once, answered a personal ad. Worst thing I could have ever done. Nice person at first;but, turned out he was an alcoholic. I fell for a sob story and lost some money. Make sure everything is on the up and up(no pun intended) and you might want to check with a lawyer about living conditions and if his parents could say that you actually abducted him in a roundabout way. Be careful, please!!
2007-05-07 06:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by bomullock 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have the ability, invite him out for a week. If you can afford it, get him the plane fair and whatever else you agree to. If you care about him, perhaps this is worth it, I don't know I'm not in your shoes.
Make sure you both understand it is for a week. Have him consider it a vacation. Don't leave him alone in your home at all. You may trust him, but your asking this question obviously shows that you're leary.
At the end of the week, send him home. Perhaps he can find somewhere up there to stay - other than with you. Perhaps he only needs a few days away from home to sort things out and work them out with his family. Either way, stick to your guns, 1 week and he's out of there. That will give you both time enough to decide if this is something you can both live with.
2007-05-07 06:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by stevegoryan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he is over 18, like you are saying. You should be fine, he will come with emotional baggage. I would recommend that you just be a good friend and nothing more than that to him. You can be a friend to him and a room mate but don't try for anything romantic, sexual, etc with him... Look at him like family and try to help him out. I try to help out anyone I can who is questioning or curious with answers only. It's not a bad thing, but I have had guys think that means I want them and that's not the case at all. It's just helping someone get on their feet and make it being a gay man in the real world. Good luck! :)
2007-05-07 06:31:02 · answer #3 · answered by Jyse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you care about him, wait. It's the only thing to do. Wait until he's 18 and you can express that caring within the confines of the law. It's going to be rough to have to deny it until then, but you absolutely must if you really want what's best for him and for you. Also, you might want to wait until the situation with his parents is resolved - any earlier than that and he might not be in a position to make an informed decision, and then you would be taking advantage of him, whether you're doing it on purpose or not.
Good luck to both of you.
2007-05-07 06:14:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he looked into a local shelter? There are places that will help ppl who have no where to go. Why must you take him in? If he's above legal age does he have a job to support himself?
I'm all for caring and charity but this just doesn't sound right. Try to find an alterior place for him to stay. Then if it's going to lead to a relationship it will do so from there. Sounds like you're looking for love and he's looking for someone to take care of him. Don't jump right in!
2007-05-15 05:09:12 · answer #5 · answered by Girly Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but it sounds like a scam to me.
The first thing that stands out is that you are the one who answered the ad.
Secondly, he has been thrown out of his home, but still has internet access.
Third, he is not relying on personal friends to find a place to live, but on those internet ads that he is answering.
He obviously has a place to stay now since he answered your ad... why such a rush for him to move in?
When talking to him have you disagreed with him about anything... or is he telling you what he thinks you want to hear?
I think that if you let him into your home the best scenario is that items of value will come up missing (best scenario), or you will be completely cleaned out by him.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it must be a duck... and this walks and talks like a scam to me.
The last thing I will say is that you must have some apprehension about this by asking the question to begin with. Trust your gut.
2007-05-07 16:08:53 · answer #6 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner seduced me when he was 17, we've been together going on 16 years. I am several years older than him. It can work.
Likewise, on a non-sexual level, I've raised two boys from their mid teens when they were ejected by their families from their homes, both were straight. We have also helped two gay boys and a straight one who were in an unstable housing situation over the years. All the situations worked well enough and we have a great and extended, devoted "family" due to our actions in those cases.
One should give without any expectation of return however. I strongly disapprove of expecting anything back.
Bright days,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2007-05-07 07:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he is of legal age, does he have a job?
I would invite him in and lay down ground rules and expectations.
Ground rules should cover what you will do for him and what you will not allow, IE drugs, drinking etc.
Expectations should cover what you will do and what you expect.
He should also be able to state what he wants as well.
Sex should be avoided for as long as possible to give both of you a chance to be yourselves without a lot of emotional baggage, if it's right you will both know.
Personally, I think it's great that you are able to offer to help him, shame on his family.
I wish you and him the best....good luck!
2007-05-15 05:03:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be extremely careful. You never know what someone is until you can meet them face to face. There are so many scammers out there, it's unreal. If this is the real thing. You are a very nice person for helping. Just be careful.
2007-05-07 06:17:58 · answer #9 · answered by ron s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok here is the sad but true part.
I know a couple (life partners) who were hit bye very much the same scenario. They took the kid in and one night when they were out he TOOK EVERYTHING! I mean everything in the house that wasnt nailed down. It was a con.
I am not saying that your being coned but my Grandfater always tought me "if you cant spot the mark you are the mark."
Just want you to remind you that the world is full of people who lie cheat and steal.
2007-05-07 07:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋