Complicated question. Need a simple answer?

Question

I just wanted to elaborate on my other question. My wife got pregnant after she decided to stop taking her pills without my knowledge. I wasn’t too happy about that but that’s the way it goes. Have to be happy now. However my wife says to me “I haven’t been taking care of myself. I’ve been drinking, smoking, and I’m on anti depressants. Plus I can’t have a baby when this one is due. I’ll lose my job and we can’t afford it if I don’t work. I’ve made my decision that I want an abortion. If I had one with you I want it to be at the right time and this can’t be it. I’m scared that this baby will have problems because of my not taking care of myself. Listen to this though, she then said “why don’t you get a vascectomy so this doesn’t happen again and if we want another one it has to be at the right time and you can get a reversal”. Something isn’t sitting right. I can’t have another one if I get a vascectomy. Reversals are not that affective and she knows that. There is something going on with a woman that so much wanted to have another child and now is very scared to do so. What is it? Ladies help me read between the lines. I need some advice from the women. I think I know the answer but I want your opinion.

Answer 1

sounds like perhaps the baby isn't yours....

Answer 2

The fact is is that I myself have just had a unplanned baby and,, just because she was unplanned does not make me not want her abortion was not even a option,, I love my husband so it all worked out I worked my job up until four days of giving birth,, every place of business has maturnity leave, your wife is just making wierd excuses,, I agree either the baby is not yours>>> or hell she might not even be pregnant,, but the way that she is toying with you,, by no means should you get a damn vascectomy cause I think eventully your gonna get tired of her nasty evil ways,, and want to move on and maybe even re- marry,, someone who without a doubt wants to have a baby by their husband>> cause thats the way it should be.. don't let this B....,, cut off your life line,, if she aborts your kid,, abort her >>***> see how she likes that one,,,, then her and> Billy Bob< or who ever she is messing around with can just get on with there messed up lives and leave yours alone..If she didn't want kids there are plenty of options out there as to not getting pregnant, not just pills that you have to remember to take,, there are shots that last for 3months at a time and also things that can get implanted and removed later,, hell she might need her tubes removed or burnt and then Re-constructed later tell her that see how she likes that one...
But keep your life line and put it up for later when you need it, its a waist with her your present WIFE.. Don't even give it to her,, use a condom and see how she feels about that,>> and tell her that you know she doesnt want kids so your gonna protect your self and her, besides you don't want to come up with nothing that you can not get cured by a Dr. >>considering that she is wierd,, protect yourself. If u choose to stay ..

Answer 3

Simple

Answer 4

Wow, that's tough! She sounds confused!!!! It really makes me sad to hear this! Maybe you could convince her that you'll be there for her & everything will be okay? Maybe she just need reassurance? Maybe she feels guilty getting pg w/o your consent? Plus you mentioned antidepressents, depression makes you think crazy things & makes you douby yourself or your abilities?! Has she thought of adoption rather that abortion? What a terrible thing to do to you and to this baby! How is she w/ the other child? If she REALLY doesn't want another one, how will she treat it when it's born? Do YOU want this baby? I don't believe in abortions especially if she got pg on purpose! And it's really not fair that SHE is making all the decisions!! SHE decided to get pg w/o your concent & SHE is deciding to havethe abortion. Don't you have a say on this! It makes me wonder how has your relaionship been other than this, cuz unfortunately sounds like you're not being treated very well.

Answer 5

I hate to say this, but it sounds like your lady doesn't plan to be in a relationship with you for much longer. The one thing I don't understand is why she stopped taking the pill and allowing herself to get pregnant, if she didn't think she'd be sticking around. The bottom line is that if she was really in love with you, then she wouldn't even be considering an abortion. You guys are already married, so it would just mean "stepping up to the plate" and taking responsibility. It sounds like you're willing to do that, but she isn't. It also doesn't sound like she'd make a very good mom to your kids either. And for her to even suggest that you get a vasectomy is absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure you're smart enough not to do that. I wish you alot of luck trying to straighten this out, but you will eventually. You're with the wrong woman obviously, just remember that.

Answer 6

First of all, a baby is a beautiful gift and it seems both of you are taking that for granted. However, it seems as if you have trust issues with your wife. Do you think there is a chance that this child is not yours? We are all on the outside looking in, we can not call that one. I don't think you should get a vasectomy because it is so final, but I think you should compromise with your wife about a form of birth control so you won't find yourself in this situation again. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

fisrt of all why would she want you to pay thousands of dollars to get the surgey, but she complaining mmoney for the reason not to have the baby in the first place... which doesnt make sense because it would be less expensive just to stay on the pill and use condoms..
Could it be that she no longer wants kids, but feels you want to..so she tryin to make it seems like a vascectomy is a good option for the time being...

I would really like to know what you think..think about my answer..please let me know..send me an email...

Answer 8

I am a guy, so perhaps I wouldn't be as insightful as women might be on this question. I did have a few thoughts I wanted to share...

Getting an abortion, despite the religious / moral issues, would certainly be a temporary solution. Having a baby might compound one problem into the next. A plan needs to be devised to resolve the major underlying issues. She has a drug problem which is impacting her ability to make good choices. She is becoming very unstable. She needs to seek some professional help and counseling.

Good luck....

Answer 9

it is easier for a woman to get her tubes untied rather than you get a reversal (afterwards) and it be effective! me and my husband have talked about this several times. have you ever pondered on, that you would need to get a DNA test with this baby? whats done is done and she helped out a great deal by doing it, why dont she just stop doing the things shes doing, now that she knows that shes pregnant? to me, it sounds like shes started to have a lot of fun after the last baby and maybe shes gone too far-- for one it could be that she just likes "her drinking and such or two, she likes whose shes doing when shes drinking!!! im sorry if im so blunt but im a woman, and women can be very sneaky! dont let her abort this baby! if it is yours, that will be something that you have to live with for the rest of your life~! sounds like she wouldnt care either way, afterwards. i pray for the best for you both and GOD bless

Answer 10

Do you think she cheated on you and got pregnant by someone else?
It all definately sounds very fishy.
You certainly should NOT get a vascectomy expecting to just reverse it. That's insane.
I hope the baby will be ok, how far along is she?

Answer 11

And why can't you still work when this one is due? That makes no sense.

Well she is right you are not taking care of yourself if you are smoking and drinking.... however in most probably the baby is just fine.

Why abort? so what it wasn't when you planned. Maybe your wife was a bit underhanded in stopping her BC. But what's done is done. Go with the flow and have this baby.

I think you are arguing too much against a baby right now... and your are borrowing trouble and reading too much into what was probably and argument and things said out of the heat of the moment.