Would you be upset?

Question

My bridal shower was this past weekend and a friend of mine who i have known FOREVER was invited of course. She and I were talking (she hadn't RSVP'd yet) and I was like so am i going see you on sat? And she told me that she was going to be gone all week on business and then had to come home and pack again and leave again on monday and that she wasnt going to be able to come. She also listed all these things she was going to miss b/c she was traveling for work. (she lives in ohio i live in indy) But then last night i was on facebook and saw that she was in Bloomington at a graduation party for another friend. Do I have the right to be a little upset? Not about her not coming to my shower but about her lieing to me about not being able to come? What should i do?

Her "business"trip was in orlando...Please remember I am not mad that she didnt come, I am upset that she lied.

Answer 1

SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!

Answer 2

I would be upset but I would also consider the idea that she may have been invited to the graduation party before being invited to the shower. That is a good possibility as to why she may not have RSVP'd yet. I'm also not sure how facebook works but how do you know for certain she was even there? Like you stated, she said she had to miss out on other things because she was traveling for work. Your best bet is to bring it to her attention that you saw that and was wondering what happened. If she did go, reassure her that you were not hurt by her going to the party but hurt because she felt she had to lie to you about it.

Answer 3

Personally, I'd take the high road and shrug the entire incident off. If she didn't want to come and was so intimidated by my presence that she couldn't tell the truth, that's her problem, not mine.

If you're the kind that needs closure though, confront her on the issue in a very straightforward respectable way. Something like "I'm not upset that you chose to attend a graduation party instead of my bridal shower. I'm upset that you felt you couldn't tell me the true reason you weren't coming." Don't give her the option of denying it--just flat out tell her you know the truth. But don't be accusational or anything. Saying "you're lying!" will upset her, but saying "I'm upset that you didn't tell me the truth" is a more passive way of accomplishing the same thing.

Answer 4

Maybe she DID have a business meeting, and this just fit into her schedule. Maybe she was invited to the graduation party first, or it was for a family member, and she didn't want to cause hurt feelings. Lots of things could have happened. She's been a friend FOREVER. Don't lose her over a misunderstanding. Tell her you really missed having her there, and let it go!

Answer 5

I wouldn't be too upset without, at least, some of the facts.

It could be that she lied because she didn't want you to think that she was choosing someone else over you. Or, hey, maybe she was lying because she actually wanted to go to the grad party rather than to your shower.

Find out first. And then, if she's a good friend, calmly ask her why she lied. Then maybe let her know that she didn't need to lie if she didn't want to or couldn't come. Ask her to be honest with you in the future, then hug it out.

Answer 6

Yes I would be a bit upset, she should have just told you the truth and honestly why would she even dream of missing your bridal shower if she is a really close friend?? I would never do that. Don't tell me she's in your wedding??? cause if she is then that makes the situation even worse. Talk to her and tell her how you feel...maybe she'll come clean.

Answer 7

Perhaps she had already made arrangements and did not want to just say no, a little white lie sometimes saves a person being hurt. Although it's not always the case. just confront her over it but don't get mad just say if you did not want to come then that would have been fine but you need not have told a fib about it and see what she says.
AGONY UNCLE.

Answer 8

maybe the graduation party fit in her schedule, and yours didn't, but she felt bad telling, 'cause you were obviously going to get offended. You must know her well, and probably can tell if she's honestly busy with work stuff (like she may have been before). Give her the benefit of the doubt this time, but if she continues to avoid being there for you, maybe she's upset with you about something, or even jealous that you are happy.

Answer 9

What you do depends on how close you are with this person. She may have lied because she just did not want to hurt you by telling you that she has decided to attend another function. Take the emotion out of this situation and just ask her (if you are that curious and need to know) if she was really attending another function as opposed to yours. But you on the other hand have to be okay with this in your mind. Sure it hurts but true friendship should not be based on expectations like that. Mutual trust and respect for each others decisions no matter what they are is the most important aspects of friendship in my opinion.

Answer 10

Perhaps her business took her to Bloomington. I don't think you should be angry about her lying until you've given her a chance to explain. Don't jump to conclusions. Even if she did lie, try to put yourself in her shoes. Would you rather go to a bridal shower (it's all about the bride...and usually rather stuffy) or a graduation party (it's all about the party). Sometimes people lie in order to save other people's feelings. I'd let it go.

Answer 11

I would be upset that she lied to you. If she already had a previous engagement then she should have just said that instead of lying to you about where she was going to be. Maybe confront her and jokingly say something about the other party that she went to. She will be in the hot seat and the one who looks like a fool this time!