Wives, are you really THAT shocked?

Question

I've read enough questions about husbands looking at porn to where I felt it was time to ask a question of my own.....

Are you one of those wives who thinks she's fat, thinks she's unattractive, is too busy, and only gives into sex after her husband has to talk her into it? And even then it's lackluster at best for both of you?

Are you one of those wives who thinks that 15 minutes of morning sex on weekends once every month in your flannel jammies, bad hair, no make up, and spewing morning breath should be enough to keep your husband satisfied?

Whatever your EXCUSE is for not being more intimate with your husband (bad day at work, kids drive you nuts, etc etc) the power is with YOU! YOU and YOU alone have the power to drive your husbands wild, or drive them away. Any my bet is that your husbands would much rather have an evening of sex with their wives then with their hands.

WOW! Didn't realize that some of you would get so fired up over this. No, I did not wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or have any issues. Just reminding women that THEY have more power over their husbands than they think. Time to quit blaming porn for their husband's lack of interest!

Answer 1

BINGO! I've said for ages... be the "other" woman and he won't need another woman.

HOWEVER - for all those women who's defensive hackles are raising up.... men, are you the kind of guy who expects his woman to look like Heidi Klum, dress in sexy clothes while doing the dishes, take care of those screaming kids, straighten up the house after a hard day's work, watch your back while you hunker over the computer, the work bench, the tv... then expect her to be hot and ready for you when she drops exhausted into bed at the end of the day? Why not try helping her feel sexy BEFORE you want sex... pay attention to her mind, her thoughts, her feelings... turn off the computer, put down the tools, turn off the tv.... listen to her, help her with the kids, the dishes, the dirty clothes... tell her she is beautiful.. even when her hair is falling down in her eyes and that ketchup stain from the baby is on her favorite shirt... let her know you love her, value her, and worship her... and I bet she will move heaven and earth to show you how lucky she is to have a wonderful guy like you!!

Answer 2

So often we hear questions like this . Is it valid ? Of course it is, any doubts felt by a wife or a husband deserves to be recognized . If only that a marriage may grow stronger .

A basic principal in the service industry is . A dissatisfied customer or client that has any problem they have taken care of is going to be happier and more faithful than when any problem occurred . I believe this to be true in relationships between men and women as well . Granted a marriage is very different from going to the supermarket . The same principal applies .

Sex in no doubt important in an intimate relationship . It should never be considered the keystone issue between a man and a woman who truly love each other .

Answer 3

2 words: romance her. When I don't want to be intimate, it's because I feel the relationship is unbalanced in other ways. Bring her a soda when she's watching a movie. Clean up the kitchen after dinner (do it without expecting sex and eventually, you might just get sex...willingly!). Take her to HER favorite restaurant and don't complain...find something on the menu you like and tell her how good it is. Take the kids and her out for ice cream. Tell her that what she said really makes sense and she has many good ideas (don't do it to flatter her, really find something you can compliment sincerely). If she's too busy, ease the burden. Ask about her day, her feelings. Ask if she's feeling bored. Share your own thoughts, perceptions, feelings.

You, yes YOU have the power to get your relationship out of this rut. You may think it's not fair, but a relationship is a 100% commitment...if she is not motivated, you have the power to get things back on track...or at least try to.

Give this some time and if it doesn't work, seek counselor.
But I tell ya, if you seek to please her, she will feel good will towards you and seek to do the same.

Answer 4

Hmm. I think in many cases that come up here, you're wrong.

The issue is that couples with problems are often experiencing fundamentally different issues then average couples. Yeah, lots of men look at porn more then their husbands like, but most women could easily say 'turn the porn off and come drill me' and the guy would be there in a flash. But there _are_ couples out there where the guy turns to porn and turns down his partner, and they are probably the ones we here from. For them, dressing sexier etc is not likely to help, the guy is using porn because he has some sort of performance anxiety/madonna whore/intimacy issue going on. She might be a part of it, but who knows.

I'll give a similar example. Men or women post here saying that their spouse won't have sex with them. People tend to tell the men to be more helpful and romantic, and tell the women to slap on some lingerie. These things would work to get more sex in a _healthy_ relationship, but are likely to backfire in a relationship where the other partner is actually avoiding sex.

For most couples though, you are very right. The wife could easily make the husband much less likely to develop a porn addiction or stray. Not in all cases, but there are a lot where that path could be headed off with a satisfying sex life.

Answer 5

Okay well i could answer yes to alot of those excuses but i had a talk with my husband about it because he was saying the same things as you are. If you talk to your wife and explain that you enjoy seeing her dressed in a little sexy lingerie once in awhile and that it turns you on she may do it more often. You can buy her something you would like to see her in and bring home a bouquet of flowers and tell her how much you appreciate her. Don't get me wrong though I'm not sticking up for all the men out there either. I told my husband that yes I'm tired from work, kids, pets, exc... but if he would just lay down in bed with me and start up the sex i would do it more. For example kiss my neck tell me how beautiful and sexy i am, get me in the mood. Believe me it works. For all the woman out there are men wont stray off if you show them we still do enjoy sex every other day or so. Woman wonder why men cheat and have to go to strip bars and watch porn its because there woman don't want to love there husbands and they need that ladies!!!

Answer 6

LOL.....not that it's funny, that it's true and very well put. And it does go both ways, believe it or not! There's a lot of marriages that would improve 100% if the parties involved would try just a little bit to relive those wild sex days like when ya first got together. Hell, even flannel jammies can be sexy if they're in the process of coming off! Problem seems to be that we get caught in the "old married couple" rut of life and that sucks! Need to spend more time hopping in the back seat of your SUV right there in the Walmart parking lot....hell, they all have tinted windows................damn, I've gotta go! LMAO

Answer 7

Did you get in trouble for looking at the X rated web sites again?

You know, lack of satisfaction from their wives may not be the problem. Some men just like porn. It's a way to mental and visual act out a fantasy that you maybe can't experience physically for whatever reason.

Some women really just do not like the idea of porn, they think it's common dirty and wrong, and that if their man needs to rub one out while watching some cheap chick with fake **** pretend to orgasm, that they themselves are not attractive, or fulling meeting the needs of their man (weather of not they are in fact trying to). Its a self esteem thing, but mostly it is a mental stigma.

The key thing to do here is to make sure (as a man) that your wife knows that you are in fact CRAZY about the women you love... that you wish you could be with her and do everything under the sun too her and her alone, but that sometimes its kinda nice just to kick back and choke the chicken while some other dude takes Jenna from behind. Then maybe she won't feel so insecure about it, and let it happen.

Answer 8

First of all SEX is not the core of a marriage. What happens when your D*** doesn't work anymore? Then what do you say to that!?! Would it be ok with you if your wife was checking out porn if your D*** didn't work anymore. There is way more to life then having sex. Even if it is with your spouse. I don't have an EXCUSE. I just believe that there is more to life than trying to please someone with sex constantly. Men can have sex no matter what is going on in their lives because they are DOGS! Women are very different. If something is bothering us, then we are probably not interested. No sense in pushing the issue. If you are not getting any then visit Rosy Palm and her 5 sisters!

Answer 9

please talk about exuses .....for the love....I am so sick of men saying "its in our nature" "we can't help it we're men" "women should just accept it because men are visual" so what you expect your wife...who works 24/7 being the cook, cleaner, child rearer, laundry and in some cases more going out of the home to work a part time or full time job while still being expected to do all of those things and still be expected to be ready and rearing to go whenever you feel the need or the urge...and if not! well then you are going to cheat or if not in action then in mind by spending hours looking at other women and it is our fault because we "have" the power to do bla bla bla WRONG!!! please if you are man enough to go ahead and express your opinions then please be men enough to own up to your own actions nobody can make you do anything its your own choice and well so what if its hard we all have to do things that are hard everyday of our lives...if you have no self control...well then that is an issue that is entirely different now isn't it?? maybe women need to be more accomodating and understanding of the physical nature of their men yes!...maybe it wouldn't hurt the relationship at all if they would try to cuten up the way you did when you were dating...and perhaps "5 minutes of morning sex on weekends once every month" are not exactly conducive to a good relationship....and maybe if the world was perfect men would try to be a little nicer sweeter and kinder towards their wives and maybe that would warm her up a bit...maybe men could try to be understanding of their wives a little more and just maybe going out on a limb here guys YOU could actually try to act like a man and own up to your own issues exert a little self control and try to fix the relationship instead of just waiting for your wife to do it ....and then go and cheat or become addicted to porn and then blame it on her y'a know??? but then again.....you are men ....so that explains everything right???

Answer 10

Why do some guys feel that their wives/g/f's should do whatever they want sexually?

Even if the woman isn't interested in what they want, like oral or anal sex, or like group sex or threesome?

Is it that hard to take no for an answer. If a woman doesn't want to do something like oral or anal sex, or to have a threesome or group sex, maybe he should respect her wishes and think of her feelings instead of pushing her or expecting her to do something she's not comfortable with.