My ex and I have been divorced for 5 months now. I have primary custody and she gets the regular visitation every other weekend and I waived recieving child support from her. I have had to relocate due to my job. She has been up and down since we first seperated, from wanting the kids every weekend to cancelling her visits with them. Now she wants me to go to counseling with her to discuss the kid situation and has threatened going to court to get joint custody, now, after the fact. She told my oldest son that she doesn't know why I moved in the first place and that she can make me move back. I know that is ridiculous being that she gave me primary custody while my kids and I had been living in another town for awhile. What is she thinking, does she just want to make everyone's life involved in this, miserable, including herself. Venting!!
2007-05-07 04:26:32 · 12 answers · asked by jude 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She new I was moving before the divorce was final, since it would be difficult on me and the kids due to my work schedule, moving was the only to move forward. The couseling, she wants me to go with her, and I wouldn't mind, but it is 2 hrs away. And yes, I'm sure she is regretting all her decisions, she's also losing her home, which would bring up another issue, she's unstable right now.
2007-05-07 04:51:10 · update #1
Get a lawyer, and yes, she wants you to be unhappy, and yes she can take you to court for ANYTHING (not that she will win), but it will still cost you, big time. I am so sorry for the turmoil in your life. Try to shield the kids, and document EVERYTHING she does. Keep evidence, notes, letters, emails, voice mails.
Yes, do the counseling, it is in your best interest, keep in mind there are there to help, not guaranteeing to fix everything.
2007-05-07 04:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. What a VERY nice man you are to waive the child support. (wish my ex would!)
She probably just wants to make life hell for you. Since you have already moved and established yourself in the new town, it will be difficult for her to change anything. I am assuming you told her before you moved. Let her file the court paperwork and get the lawyer. She may get "joint" custody but primary residence for your children will most likely remain with you.
Let her take you to court. Don't change a thing right now. And don't move back, but prove you have established schools and work and a home in your new town and you should be fine.
On a side note--maybe go to counseling with her so the therapist can figure out why she behaves the way she does with regard to your children. She may be depressed over it all and is acting out....
Good luck!
2007-05-07 04:35:52 · answer #2 · answered by intewonfan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's that old saying, "you don't realize what you have until it's gone." Well, I'd say that she's feeling that way...plus she wants to be angry at anybody but herself and you're the man in her sights. I think that she took what was left of her family for granted. Some mother's aren't motherly and the fact that she chooses when and if to see her children shows that maybe she wasn't cut out for the job....and she might be having a hard time admitting that. Misery loves company and I hate to say it, but you are the company that she seeks. The only thing I can suggest is that you get your kids in some counseling so they can have someone to talk to and it probably wouldn't be a bad idea if you had counseling also, so you could deal with your uninvited company!
Good Luck!
2007-05-07 05:00:34 · answer #3 · answered by CJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she takes you back to court get a good lawyer, courts tend to side with the mother (unless she is unfit). Keep notes and records of everything!! A journal works really good for this. Keep track of everything your kids tell you about what she says about you, any notes between the two of you, phone conversations, everything!!
Explain to your kids what is going on in terms they can understand. They are probably very hurt and confused by the situation. If your kids are school age, some schools have a program for kids of divorced parents, if not they should have a social worker your kids can talk to if they need to. Be open with their teachers, they notice differences in behaviors!!
Good luck!! She is probably just lashing out and it will only last a short time. Revenge is bad, keep in mind that your kids come first.
2007-05-07 04:48:40 · answer #4 · answered by WowUrKiddin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A judge would have to decide the custody issue and normally considers the child's input if they are 12 or over. Your wife would have to hire and attorney and take you to court to change the custody order. You do not have to cooperate with counseling if you do not want to. You can always set up counseling in your town and she can come there if she is sincere about wanting counseling and you wish to participate. You can always seek support if you change your mind also. Technically child support is your child's right and you cannot waive or sign it away. Children are entitled to be supported by both parents. (I would suggest that you make her abide by the visitation order that the court entered. If she chooses not to visit, make notes of missed visit dates in case you need it in the future.)
2007-05-07 08:49:26 · answer #5 · answered by curious74432 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife is a person who seeks chaos. I don't know what the circumstances of your divorce was, but if she exhibited mood swings, verbally or physically abusive behavior, irregular affection (or lack there of;detachment) and/or indecisiveness in matters relating to the rearing of the children, this all may be signs of an abusive childhood which is the catalyst for chaotic life. People who seek to draw chaos because of childhood abuse often to this to recreate the enviorment that they euated with love. Your home is yopur repreentaion of love, if it was chaotic in your childhood you will seek that which reprents love in your adult life (ie. Chaos).
Promiscuity (if that is present) is most often a symptom of sexual abuse in childhood. It is not what would be termed common for a woman to relinquish parental custody, so one would have to question the motivations for such an action. I'm sorry to say that because of the children, you have established a link with a person who due to a variety of POSSIBLE factors (imaturity, inconsistancy, abusevness; this also comes in the form of one parent speaking ill to their child of the other parent, this is abuse,) may very well attempt to make your life difficult. It would be best to pick the counselor yourself, if you plan on going to counseling, than for her to provide the counselor. Good Luck.
2007-05-07 04:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard for a woman to be away from her children. Even if she is not the best of mothers, she will have those moments when she wants to be a good mom. Your ex needs those counseling sessions. It wouldn't hurt for you to attend a few, just to show all that you are a good dad.
2007-05-07 04:34:43 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably venting. She may regret her mistakes and need to make others feel pain like her. You could do the counselling and in it bring up the fact that she is an inconsistent parent.
2007-05-07 04:37:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The courts have ALWAYS sided with the custodial parent who moves with the kids. She can't make you move back, and if she takes it to court, tell her you're going to request child support (you still can), and all legal costs.
2007-05-07 05:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by gromit801 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IT CAN BE VERY COMPLICATED,,,,,, I KNOW....... IN
RECENT YEARS I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH A
CHILD CUSTODY CASE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
MY CHILDS FATHER ONLY WANTED TO GET OUT
OF PAYING CHILD SUPPORT AND SURE ENOUGH
HE GOT HIS WAY AND HE GOT MY DAUGHTER TO
MOVE IN WITH HIM SO THAT IT WOULD WORK OUT
THE WAY HE WANTED IT TO, BUT ALSO NOW HE
IS HAVING A HARD TIME RAISING A 17 YEAR OLD
FEMALE ON HIS OWN. HE DID NOT INVOLVE ME
WHEN THERE WAS ISSUES GOING ON WITH MY
DAUGHTER. FOR AT THAT TIME HE WAS WITH
A SMART MINDED WOMAN AND NOW HE IS NO
LONGER WITH HER. ANYHOW IT WILL GET COMPLICATED AND FRUSTRATING ALL AT THE
SAME TIME. JUST STAY GROUNDED AND BE
UNDERSTANDING AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
KEEP THE COMMUNICATION LINE BETWEEN
THE BOTH OF YOU OPEN. PUT YOUR DIFFEREN-
CES ASIDE FOR THE MEANWHILE. AT THE SAME
TIME SHE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT ALL
THAT YOU DO, YOU DO FOR YOUR CHILD(REN)
AND IF THERE IS NO REASON FOR HER NOT TO
HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH THE CHILD THEN
PLZ DO NOT TAKE THE CHILD FROM HER,.
IT IS VERY HARD FOR A MOTHER TO HAVE HER
BABY LEAVE HER SIDE. TILL THIS DAY I STILL CRY
CAUSE SHE CHOSE TO GO WITH HER FATHER.
AND HONESTLY THERE WAS THINGS THAT HE PUT
INTO HER MIND. YEA POOR I MAY BE, BUT I ONLY WANT HAPPINESS AND LOVE ANDTHEIR WELL BEING IS MY
MAIN CONCERN. JUST BARE WITH YUR EX... IT IS
JUST AS HARD FOR HER TO BARE WITH ALL OF
THIS ALSO AS IT IS FOR YOU. KEEP THE CHILD
THE MAIN PRIORITY............
2007-05-07 04:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by Rosemary M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋