I found out my husband cheated with someone I know, what should I do?

Question

I was out of town with my 2 month old baby helping my parents fix their home, so they can retire. When I got back I found a picture of my brother in-law's sister in law with my husband and her phone number on a piece of paper. I waited until I got my phone bill and found her number more than 50 times with some calls for over an hour. I confronted my husband with all my findings, and he confessed he got drunk one night and had sex with her. Then he called her and in front of me and told her they won't speak anymore because I found out what have happened. Then her sister (my husband's sister in law) called him and told him why he was going to stay with me(that bi***) that he should leave me and stay with her sis, that I would have him on lockdown for the rest of his life and how he will stop hanging out with them because of me, he told her we have a family and I'm his wife. Don't know what to do his brother is in the middle of all of this and I don't want to see his brother ever again.

Answer 1

Well deep down in your heart you know you have to leave. But that is easier said then done. Emotions are overwelming and you will be feeling betrayed, hurt, angry, sad, depressed at differant times or all at once.

You need a support system ASAP. A mother, friend, sister or someone you can lean on right now because your head will not be able to make a good decision right now. You need to feel your way through and see where it heads for you.

Is your husband really never going to see her again? Does he really feel remorse for his actions? If he really wants to be with you and regrets what he did then he should be the one tell you that and taking the steps to repairing your relationship. You should not be the one trying to convince him to stay with you. You did nothting wrong.

People will often justify there deciept by saying "My wife doesn't understand me" or "she is controling" etc. It doesn't matter what you may or may not have done. If he did not like how you treated him then that is what counselling or divorce is for. Cheating is never justified. NEVER.

So now that we cleared that up you should try to take the following steps:

1. Find a good support system.
2.Take some time for yourself and try to heal and find out what you want.
3. Talk to him about were he stands. Does he want to do counselling or work things out with you? What steps is he going to take to try and rebuild your trust?
4. Discover what options you have and what you want. You may be shaken up, weak or drained right now but try to rebuild your confidence and ask yourself what you want? Do you want to continue with this man?
5. Remember your child and spend time with him/her. Try not to forget you have something beautful out of this.
6. Be strong. If this seems too hard try one minute at a time. Be strong for yourself and remember you are worth the respect and love you want.

I hope this helps. It won't be easy but take as much as you can and no more. Be gentle with yourself and allow time to discover and heal.

Answer 2

"O, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!"
- Sir Walter Scott

The first thing you need to figure out is was your husband sorry, or was he sorry that he got caught! And if you do decide to keep him, can you trust him again? How will the family dynamics work now when you attend family events? Will you be able to be happy again?
When trust is broken in a marriage it's very hard to mend, but it's possible to do so. But both people have to want to work it out, it can't be one sided as I'm sure you know. You have a lot of hard questions to answer and it won't be easy, because I'm sure you have a lot of other things on your mind once this situation arose.
Start by making a "what if" plan...your first what if plan should be what to do and have arrangements "if" you leave. Then second should be "if" you stay. I'd also say get into counseling regardless of what you decide to do. You have a brand new baby and your emotions are probably off the scale, so go to a counselor and let someone help you in your time of need.

“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.”
- A. Landers

Answer 3

Please don't go back to him. this happened to me, 2 years ago and I am still struggling with the situation. I took him back thinking i could forgive and forget. Believe me, it's not an easy thing to do. I have 3 small children that have been on my mind since the day I found out about his affair and that is the reason I stayed.. Now, I wish I would have left the day I found out. I would be so much happier now. the kids will hurt no matter what you decide, but in the long run they along with you will be fine and happy. Put him and this behind you... it's not worth the pain for years to come.

Answer 4

What?? They had too much to drink one night and had a one night stand… yet continue to talk for hours at time afterwards… Do you really buy that?

Oh my god what a bunch of pigs… ALL OF THEM… first of all there is a hell of a lot of more to this story then anyone is telling you. And for some reason not one of them is on your side. You where gone helping your parents and came home to HELL…

Honey you need to leave him NOW.. Hey I can accept a person cheating once and doing their best to try and fix it.. But this is not right … Nor is your husband making it easier. You can tell because he continued this so called one night stand into friendship of calling her daily and talking for long periods of time. This man is going to do it again. Also his family around him are making matter worse by calling you down and he isn’t sticking up for you one bit. Now for this to happen he has said something to make them think you are the B*%ch.

You need to get away from ALL of these people and see what happens… Let some time pass. If your husband truly loves you and fully regrets what has happened he will come to you.

Really thou you don’t need any of this around you. Like I said there is more to this story then anyone is telling you and your Husband is at the root of the problem. He has started something.

Answer 5

Not only did this low-life cheat on you but he cheated on your 2 month child.

Pathetic. I don't care how drunk he was, no excuse.

The fact that he did this shows that he had been planning this or at least fantasized about it.

The sister-in-law has no say in the issue and she shouldn't be lecturing anyone on anything.

File for divorce and make him move out. There isn't a court in the country that will file in his favor. Let him pay rent, alimony and child support and while he gets reintroduced to "single life".

Answer 6

It sounds to me that you married into a family who don't like you at all. They aren't concerned with your husband being a good husband or father.

IF your the type that does do the LOCKDOWN, then you have reason to being doing so.

Your husband or his family aren't showing you, your child or your marriage any respect.

I'd suggest moving! IF hubby doesn't, it's cause he really would rather have all this drama in your marriage and of course, to keep getting his dickwet.

IF you could some how afford it.................I'd turn the tables out of anger..................I'd some how hire someone else to do the dirty deed with this bitcheshusband!!! Make sure there are pictures!!

IF you do the family thing each year on holiday's, also make sure you fill all the food with laxative!!!

IF hubby won't move, you and baby move on without him. He is going to continue to do so. MY ex bf did the same. I thought I had it nipped in the butt by talking to the female, but all she was doing was laughing in my face, becauae they continued doing it.

Move on. Find a MAN who is respectful of your marriage, not a BOY!!

Answer 7

Sweetheart, I really hate to think this might make things worse, but 2 months after having a baby with your wife (just about the biggest single event that can happen, a time when you should feel closest to wife and child) you sleep with another woman?

I'm pretty sure he's really scared right now, and HE SHOULD BE. There's lots of people to blame here, but it starts with your husband. Drinking sure doesn't excuse it, so don't ever let him go there. You don't have to hold it over his head, but he could lose everything he has if this doesn't work out.

I think you need to be very sure this hasn't happened before, with anyone. AND that he's really not still in contact with her
(there's lots of ways to communicate to someone secretly).

His brother needs to stay absolutely out of it. It's none of his business. Your husband should tell him so in no uncertain terms, and now.

I hope the two of you can work this out, but he really has some major digging to do to get out of this hole, and it shouldn't be easy for him, cause it's a deep one. He has to work incredibly hard to regain your trust, which is yours to give, when you think the time is proper, and not until then.

Answer 8

What a huge mess. You are going to have to decide if you can forgive him first. And with forgivness comes forgetting. That means, if you are going to move on, you cant keep bringing it up or punishing him for it. Will the two of you be able to be happy by cutting these family memebers out of the picture? Do you see the other woman often? Those are questions youll have to ask yourself and see if you can live with the answers. Good luck!

Answer 9

Look its really not easy for a wife to take a solid decision in such incident.But I suggest to give your husband one more chance instead of going for a divorce. Why....... because the one good thing he did is he admit his fault & told you teh truth. Insteed of that he could try to hide it also. 2nd its the matter of between you & your husband so better to sit & try to find out what exactly your husband is thinking. I mean did he loves you & the baby still. If yes then you must forgive him for the mistake he did with drunk.

Divorse is a easy way to solve the problem but its effect very much to your child. You should not think only for your sake ,you should also keep in mind of your little baby's future.

Everybody will have there own suggestion in this matter but you are the only person who should judge the right one...........

Take care & god bless you

Answer 10

I would divorce him. Drunk or not, he shouldn't have cheated on you! Every-time you're away from each other you're going to be wondering if he's cheating on you, and you'll have good reason to wonder! Maybe I sound a bit harsh, but I have too much self respect to stay with someone if they cheated on me. I adore my husband. I love him more then anything in the world, but if he messed around on me, I'd leave him. I wouldn't stop him from seeing our children because that is a completely different situation, but I'd have to divorce him. No marriage will work when there is a lack of trust there.