Is my marriage worth fighting for?

Question

I have been married for 2 1/2 years but have yet to live with my husband since he is in the service. We have had our fair share of problems...including him cheating on me prior to our marriage, him making the decision to join the service and leave me without discussing it with me. He won't communicate with me on a level that I need. Do i continue to fight for my marriage or find someone who can appreciate me and communicate with me?

Answer 1

What marriage?

Answer 2

Of course you should fight for your marriage... what the hell do you expect though?? Just about ALL women lose their libidos after they have a baby! Didn't you know that??? She's exhausted, not helped by your baby having cancer of course!! (glad to hear he's okay!)... Give the woman a break! You are supposedly going to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. You don't think there are going to be bad weeks, bad months, and whole bad years in that time?? Marriage isn't always peaches and cream buddy, especially when you have a young child, and especially when that young child had cancer. Get over the sex thing. That is all pretty much normal for women with babies! Too bad someone didn't tell you that before you had one! As for the apologizing thing... why in the F*CK did you marry her in the first place if you hate that so much?! She's been the same for the entire 12 years, and you only married her 2.5 years ago!! People don't change. So accept her as she is. That's what you married and made vows with. GEEEEZ! No wonder the divorce rate is so high if people consider divorcing over what you just described. Where are all these false expectations about marriage coming from?? How's everyone become so selfish and unrealistic about spending a LIFE TIME with someone?? Oh, and BTW, it was really dumb of both of you not to discuss how many kids you wanted before you got married... or, if you did and now you're changing your mind, then she is right to tell you that she would go her separate way. Having a child can be REALLY important to people, especially women, and if you won't give her another one (particularly if you ever gave her the impression that you would have more than one baby), then THAT is reason to really be upset.

Answer 3

Communication is such an important aspect for ANY TYPE of relationship. Honestly this doesn’t sound like a marriage, nor was it strong before this. This relationship has been one-sided from the go. He isn’t thinking of you at all when it comes to making MAJOR decisions. Sure everyone has their troubles and downfalls.. but this is HUGE…

I do believe you are wasting your time, if he can’t involve you on simple discussions such as his needs and wants... And not brining yours into play then it will never be that fair honest playing field.

He has already cheated on you before... Now that he is in the service there is a good chance it will happen again.

This is a no win situation all you are doing is hurting yourself. I’m sure this isn’t the advise you wanted to hear but you need to move on and truly find someone who shows more interest and respect. You will never be truly happy, content or fully trust him again. He hasn’t shown you any RESPECT at all…

Answer 4

have you had a real marriage. I understand your frustrations.
You need to talk to a good counselor.
Is this what you want for the rest of your life.
Only you can answer that question.
How do you love him? How much does he love you? Are their children involved?
Is he in a combat zone? I wouldn't make fast moves.
When he is own leave talk to him.
You must had closeness at some point and time.
If he is in a war zone. don't do anything to distract him.
That could get him killed.
When he comes back talk.
Ask God to change your heart and become all you can be.
Work on you relationship with your self.
Read some good books and get involved in a good church and help others.
Read loving smart by Dr Phil a great read.
Boundaries in dating( i know your married humor a middle age woman) Aw some. ( i didnt always have what i wanted and needed but do now)
Should be require reading. Read the power of a praying wife.
Marriage is more than a feeling but a commitment. made before God! Marriage is holy ground be careful how you walk on it.
so many people treat it as a amusement park!.
God bless only you can answer this and to justify in your heart what is right for you .

What made you love him?
Dwell on the good and not the bad.

Answer 5

Marriage only works if both people want it bad enough to both work at it. He's already got some strikes against him. You are the only one who knows if it is worth working at. Even if you do stay with him, consider your future. Is he going to always be the one to make all the decisions without your input? If he's already doing so, chances are he'll expect it to continue that way. It'd be like living your life on a shelf and only getting off the shelf when HE decides. Marriage has got to be a two-way street, give and take, and even tho it can't always be 50/50, there's got to be balance in decisions affecting the marriage. Otherwise, you'll end up resenting him and hating each other.

Answer 6

You made a VOW "for better for worse." Now I'm not saying that you should stay there and let him have his own way but with everything you do make sure that you consider your children (if you have any) Your religion and your personal beliefs.

From the look of things You want to do something different. Try new persons. Two and a half years is enough time to figure out if someone really loves you so if you think that he doesn't want to continue this relationship, leave him with his boring stuck up life and go find a life of your own where you are appreciated, loved, trusted and where you are well respected and disgustingly needed.

Answer 7

When is enough enough? (famous words from julia roberts in the movie the mexican) :)That is up to you. Love is worth fighting for if you truly love the other person. Give it your all so you know you have done all you could do to try and make it work. If in the end it doesnt work out at least you knew you did all you could because of your love for him. By trying hard especially if it is onsided you may get hurt in the end but you will also feel a sense of relief that you gave it your all. so yes love if worth fighting for its not easy to be in a marriage but if everything was flowers and sunshine we wouldnt appreciate the great things life and marriage has to offer. keep trying if you truly love him.

Answer 8

Oh not ANOTHER girl who went back to a cheat. I have a friend who just went back to a cheat and I am waiting for her next heartbreak. Talk about eyes wide shut. Cheats are like cheetas which are like leopards and leopards never change their spots. You made a mistake and I feel terrible for you. Is it that he won't communicate on that level or he can't? You need to talk to a marriage guidance counsellor or the base chaplain. Why do you women, otherwise pretty articualte and having deep feelings always go back to the ba st ards? Why?

Answer 9

wow what a situation you are in. It sounds like this relationship is a one way street. His street. This is a big decision you have to make and only you can make it. Communication is extremely important if a relationship is to work. If you arent happy something has to be done. Do you think its worth fighting for? If it is then try and get those communication lines open. If not count your losses and try again. Whichever road you take i wish you all the luck, its going to be a difficult journey.

Answer 10

Well i always go with my heart and my gut instincts.. if you are feeling this way it could be for a reason.. He cheated once before and he is far away from you and not including you in on major life changing desicions. If you truly love this man and cannot picture a furture without him then go for it, and fight for your marriage. In your situation i would assume patience would be the number one key to making it work.. You must pray and know things will get better with time, every relationship has its challenges, and maybe this is yours.. This could be what shows if you are capable of handling a relationship of this kind. if you are having problems communicating you need to step up and put your feeling on the table and let him know what is on your mind.. A man in the military needs that reasuarrance that they indeed have someone in the world who is waiting for them to be home and missing and loving him, and if he know you are having doubts about the marriage maybe it will open his eyes to see what would become of him if he lost you.. YOu are probably far more important to this man than he leads you to believe.. so you must be the one to come out in the open about how you feel and maybe it will hit home for him and allow him to open up.. was your husband born in either january or february. i happen to read on the zodiac and i base my relationships on that, i know for some signs it is in there nature to seem distant and hard to open up and sometimes even travel far away when in a relationship to feel they have that freedom.. i would like to know when his birthday it i could maybe even advise you more.. and your too..

Answer 11

Any marriage is worth fighting for. The consequences of breaking up are not the "best" or easiest" thing to do, but create other, more difficult problems. Especially if you have children. The skills you can aquire through fighting for you marriage will not only help your marriage, but will help you as a person.