I'M 60. i'm so sorry for my ignorance in the past. She's refused to talk or allow me to see her daughter-I did do a lot of bad things-years ago--I've changed. My son, who is a police man, has seen the change and is supportive. Even he can't reason with what was my favorite daughter. It's been five years since I've seen her-her baby doesn't have a grandmother as the paternal grandmother died befor her birth. I am willing to do anything to right my wrong-doing--on my knees if necessary! I love my daughter, and I miss her. I'm a widow-and a piece of my heart is,seemingly forever, gone. Please try to take the time to advise of what to do., as I am willing to do anything!
2007-05-07 03:24:17 · 33 answers · asked by connie w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel your pain. People think raising children is easy. Not so much. Our children want us to be almost perfect. They sometimes can't get past the point that we aren't.
2007-05-07 03:45:59 · answer #1 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no need for you to go into any more detail. Send your daughter a card, asking for her forgiveness. Have your son deliver the card to her and say that you will call her in a few days. Have him also tell her that you are truly sorry and that you miss her. Give it a day or so and call your daughter. If she doesn't answer, leave a message on her voice mail, saying hello sweetheart (or use another endearing name) and that you will call again. You'll have to take the initiative on this one, by continuing to call until she's ready to answer. Don't call every day, but call once a week. Always leave a message, saying hello and that you'll call again. On the first occasion when she does talk with you, understand that you can't mend this fence overnight. The first thing you want her to know is that you want her forgiveness. Then you want to assure her that you love her. Finally, you want to say you've missed her. Try to remember this order as you approach the conversation. Hence, if she's only willing to talk a minute or so, she'll at least hang up knowing you're sorry. Get it?
It's going to take some time, but if you're patient, your daughter will come around. Best wishes!
2007-05-07 04:02:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look there is two things 1. some people realize their mistakes & try to make it correct, & 2. is those who never accept there mistakes at all. Now you comes under first category. I don't know what bad things u did,but what ever it is did ur daughter knows the both side you that incident or just have seen only the fault part of it. If this is so try at any cost to show her the other side of that incident.
But if you say that the bad thing was done by you without any pressure & u admire the fault completly then there is only one way. Completly surrendur infront of your daughter & accept all your fault's once again. I know may be she will not react good with thgis behaviour.but u keep on trying. I know no one in this world can keep anger for anyone for long. What ever it may be if he / she feels that the front person is by heart realizing the mistake he /she did anger comes down.
Best of luck
2007-05-07 04:09:47 · answer #3 · answered by Bablu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you have to understand that your daughter might not wish to reconcile. No matter how hard it is to accept, you should respect her wishes, whatever they may be. She is a grown woman with a daughter of her own; as a mother, she has to make decisions that are not only best for her but also for her daughter's well being.
Whatever may have happened in the past, the best thing to do is apologize and leave the door open to her. Once you have apologized for what happened, the ball is in her court, so to say. She is of no obligation to accept your apology. She may have questions that she wants answered by you but it is likely that any answer you give will never satisfy the hurt in her heart. If she does wish to speak to you, make sure it is on neutral ground so she feels comfortable. Above all else, don't belittle her feelings or push her to do what you want because that will only force her further away from you. If she explains to you how she feels, accept it no matter how you feel about her opinions because they are just that, her opinions.
If she doesn't wish to re-establish a relationship with you, focus on the family you still have, life your son. If it still bothers you to not have contact with your daughter and her child, then I would suggest writing letters to them and saving them in a box. That way, if and when they do decide to talk to you or after you die, they will see that you loved them and thought about them even when you didn't see them.
Good luck.
2007-05-07 03:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by Ashleigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand. The first thing you need to realize is that your daughter has to be open to you before you can talk with her. Pushing on her space WILL NOT work. Respect her wishes. When you push what she hears is, "I really don't care about you or your happiness, all I care about is me and I'm feeling guilty and sorry for myself for the things I did to you in the past. If I could only force you to like me again I would feel better." I, I, I. What you need to focus on and make perfectly clear is you want HER happiness and that may mean you don't get what you want. At least not right away.
I would suggest you write her a letter. Tell her all the stupid and insensitive things you have done. Don't put an ounce of blame or shame in it or it will be ruined. Talk only about you and what you did wrong and how none of it was her fault or something she deserved. Don't try and defend yourself at all. Tell her how you would like to begin repairing your relationship and that you will totally respect her space and her timing. Tell her how much you love her, not as a manipulation, but as a genuine statement.
Send the letter and don't expect a reply. If you don't hear from her in a month, do another letter telling her about all the wonderful things you are doing in your life and how you hope she is finding happiness and fulfillment. Absolutely no pressure to connect.
It may take some time and it may never work but you can only do what you can do. Wish for her happiness and love even if you aren't a part of it. That is the most loving and selfless thing a person can do. Ironically she may begin to sense this from you and she may try and reconnect with you because you are open and loving.
2007-05-07 03:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by taotemu 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You did something that caused this big event. I would start with accepting all of the blame and putting your money where you mouth is. Seek conceling. This isn't a pity party or a hammer you to the ground seccion but a honest moment in time. You have to be honest with her. If she won't talk to you then , write her a letter, not a book and nothing in it should say that if she didn't, you wouldn't have anything. This is about you. If she has it in her mind that there is no room or trust in her life or heart for you then for whatever you have done that is what she thinks is fair punishment. Somethings just can't be forgotten. Your daughter my come to forgive you but never trust you again. Such if with my father, three out of four children don't talk to him , ever. One does, but with an understanding of his past and his minipulation skills. I believe he is going to heaven, but will not be morned by his own children. So you are 60, I think it is time for what ever you did to come to and end. Start letting your daught know of your sorrow and need for forgivess, Also that you love her and would like to start a slow recovery of her trust and love . Be sincere and honest. Except what she will give on her own time and don't push your agenda. With time she will either come around or not. Except the out come. What we have done in the past can't be undone, it is what we can do now and in the future that gives us hope.
2007-05-07 03:48:15 · answer #6 · answered by freesample1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things can never be repaired and I have no way of knowing if what you did was unforgiveable or not as you don't say. A lot of people feel that they can apologize away bad behavior. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Your daughter's primary concern is HER daughter. If she feels, for any reason, that contact between you and her daughter is unhealthy, then she is being responsible and a good mother. Even if that hurts your feelings.
Sometimes, you just have to deal with the consequences of your actions. I'm very sorry for all of you.
2007-05-07 03:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does she talk to her siblings? If so maybe they can talk to her and tell her how much you have changed. You could also write her a letter acknowledging the wrong things that you did in the past and apologizing to her for the hurt that you caused her. It might also help if she would agree to go to counseling with you.
If she still doesn't want anything to do with you, don't push it. Give her some space and then try again in a few months. I hope she does come around and gives you a chance. If she doesn't, she may regret it when you're no longer here.
2007-05-07 03:36:25 · answer #8 · answered by Lorie M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may want to try writing her a letter. Spend a lot of time acknowledging what you did in the past that may have hurt her or upset her. She needs to know you truly "get it," and that you don't expect her to forget, but you'd like to ask for her forgiveness. Don't rush past the hurt, but prove to her that you've explored it in depth. Then focus on how you see your current relationship (or lack thereof) moving forward. Provide any benefits that you foresee for her daughter to get to know you. If your son is supportive, show him the letter first and see what he says. Then ask her to write a reply. Do some volunteer work to show that you want to be a good person. Sometimes a face-to-face encounter can be too emotional. Good luck, but be prepared that she may still be too angry to let you back into her life.
2007-05-07 03:32:35 · answer #9 · answered by Spamela 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you are coming from a place of needing your daughters forgiveness and love. well what do you have to offer her? do you have insight into why you did what you did and do you understand how it affected her and the impact it has had on her everyday life? are you willing to make amends to her without expecting anything back from her? i know it hurts you but her pain needs to be your focus- you need to be the caring understanding mother that you were unable to be in the past. write her letters and do not expect a response- tell her the answers to the questions above. you cannot expect her to open her heart and her family to a person that hurt her so deeply until she knows you are no longer that person. be strong and patient.
2007-05-07 07:01:45 · answer #10 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is, be patient with her. Write her a letter or two. Every once in a while, attempt to give her a call - if she won't talk then, respect that and give her some time and space.
Whenver possible, attend gatherings that your son may have - and that she might attend too - so that she can see your changes.
Patience, prayer, and understanding will go a long way. I really hope that you are able to reconcile with her at some point.
2007-05-07 03:31:44 · answer #11 · answered by CD 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋