Am i wrong for feeling this way ... (Remarriage after spouses death?)?

Question

My father passed away 6 years ago from cancer - I was 14 (now 20)... my mom was 43 when he died. Now 6 years later ... my mom tells me and only me about this guy that she is dating. I have an older sister(25) and 2 older brothers(28,30). Out of alll the children i am the most understanding which is why i think she told me. (Other than the fact that i caught her at dinner with this guy) ... anyways ... i am totally depressed about the whole thing. I dont believe dating/getting remarried is okay. I believe that she is 49 years old ... already had 4 kids ... shes already lived her life! I am just so mad at her for doing this. I feel like my dad is mad at me because i know this and im allowing her to do it. I dont think my dad would want this. I come from a very strict Catholic family ... also we are Middle Eastern so we have very strong opinions about divorce/remarriage. Its really looked down upon in our culture.


Am i wrong for feeling this way?


Any opinions?

Answer 1

You are neither wrong nor right for feeling this way - it is just how you feel.
Your strong connection to your father, your religion and your culture all play a role in your feelings.

However (you're a smart young woman and knew that was coming, didn't you), today a woman's lifespan (depending on many contributing factors of course) can be 80-90 years.

Hopefully your Mother has 30+ years to live.
LoveIt, do you really think she has lived her life and should now just quietly wait for death?

I'm sorry, but your Mother is a long way from dead and has every right to enjoy what years she has left to her.
And to do so with her family's support and love.

She has trusted you with her new relationship and happiness - it remains to be seen what you do with this knowledge.

After the sadness of your Dad's illness and untimely death,
I believe he would want your Mother to have another chance at happiness and companionship. Catholic or not.

Answer 2

Your father died 6 years ago. Marriage is "until death do you part". This is recognized by the Catholic church. She has waited a very respectable amount of time to find someone and remarry. She still has a long life to live. Do you want her to sit around depressed, alone, and in mourning for the rest of her life? If you truly love her, you should be happy for her. It would be selfish to think otherwise. Finding another life partner is in no way unfaithful or disrespectful to your father. She obviously is aware of the odd reactions that her children would have. That is why she hasn't told your siblings and you said she told you because you saw them out together. Let her be happy and support her happiness.

Answer 3

Your mother is only human.There comes a time when a spouse has died when the partner needs to move on.It does not mean that she doesn't still love your dad she does.She will i'm sure always have a special place in her heart for him.It's common for you to feel like this but you need to understand is that she is a grown woman.You are entitled to your beliefs.Your mom maybe 49 years old but she is not dead she still has a lot of life left.Just because she has been married and had 4 children does not mean that she has to stop living life to the fullest.

Answer 4

I m sorry about your dad , may his soul rest in peace.Your mom also is feeling very lonely and depressed .Even I am a catholic girl , Is that man which your mom is dating a good person? Do you think she is going to be happy with him .
I am right now 22 years old , And even if some thing like this would happen to me I wouldn't like any outsider coming to my house and talking my dads place.
Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel about this man your mom is dating .Right now your 20 years old and she cant tell you what she is going through because your smaller to her.
Ask her friends whom she is also close to to talk to and convince her if that man is not a good person ,or you find fault in him ...Sort it out..
I just pray every thing becomes OK in your family .I am not good in advising , so i will try my best to attract yahoo answer members to answer your question .
Please don't get depressed , Be brave and be your moms strength , guide her and she needs all the love from her children and her loved ones ..

Answer 5

I do not think you are understanding at all. Your mother has been a widow for over 6 years more then enough, I think you should be happy she has found someone. Start being happy for her, its still "Till Death do us Part".
If you want to be constructive, then find some way to check up on him and make sure he is not just out to free load or worse from your mother. A simple charge of 15 to 20 dollars can get you a good search on him. Go online

Answer 6

What is most important to you when you think of your mother? Is it what you feel or what she feels? Do you think life is over at 49? NO WAY, SWEETY! She's still got lots of life left to live.

My mother got married just 15 years ago. She is now over 70 years old and she's doing lots of stuff to live a longer happier life.

Don't you think that your father, if he's watching her and you, would want her to be happy? Is that not why he lived---- to make her happy?

Place yourself in her place. If it were you, 49 years old, widow, looking for happiness .... just how would you find it? Would you want your children telling you that "you've lived your life. You shouldn't be dating."? Especially when you know you've got a lot more life to live ......

I'd say that you are wrong in thinking of your mother that way. It is normal but it is wrong.

Hob

Answer 7

alright. YOu are definitely not wrong in feeling the way you do...since you know what you believe in and of coarse you think it is a betrayal to your father. But think about your mother and how she feels. she is not that old. And you can never really tel someone "you've lived a full life..now you shouldnt meet anyone else because youve done everything you need to"

It would take me a while to get used to, but i would be happy for my mother if she found someone who loved her and was there to help her emotionally and of coarse with everything her life demanded.

i am palestinian catholic so i can kind of related. However, my mother has been single for 15 years and it is extremeley difficult for her. I actually pray that she finds someone to share her life with..because she is lonely and it is hard to be alone..even if you have children. she is 56...and that is NOT old.

She still has a long life to live. You need to think about your mother. remmarriage is not really a sin. and your father would want your mother to be happy right? shouldnt you feel the same way? that is what love is: wanting the best for those who you care about.

Answer 8

ok..
About middle eastern .. and as a Catholic ..

It is far far better to marry .. or to remarry .. it is better or to commit Sin ???

In other point of view.. Any body needs soul mate .. or someone he/ she can pass through the live with ..

She want to remarry .. it is ok .. that doesn't mean she forget ur father .. or about you ..

Traditions is not the Law .. God is the law..
So She has some needs .. you might not think of .. as you can think only she is your mother ..

Physical needs, Soul and heart needs, and lonliness hurt too ..

Are your best friends is your mom ??
You see that when you get elder ?? or that you will not feel like you need someone to be beside you .. i don't mean ur mother or sisters ..

Just try to think it lighter .. We are all human beings.. Except if you want her to lie to you .. or to Have sex outside marriege better ??

Have a great day ..
Enjoy your life ..
Good luck ..
.

Answer 9

You have the right to feel however you want to.

Your mother also has the right to live her own life. She is a 49 year old widow who has waited 6 years before starting to date. You do not have the right to tell her what she can and can't do. She is an adult and can live her life the way she chooses.

Did your father love your mother? Do you think he would want her to spend the rest of her life being miserable because he can't be here with her?

If you love someone, you want them to be happy.

Answer 10

It isn't about right or wrong; it's about how much you love your mother and care about her happiness.

She is very much alive, whether or not you want to acknowledge it - and she hasn't "already lived her life", she's still living it!

I assume that your mother and father loved each other - and you - so try asking yourself if your father would really want your mother to be sad and alone the rest of her life. If he truly loved her, and if you truly love her, you both should be concerned about her happiness - and not about what others in your culture might say or do.

Love your mother and support her as she truly deserves, and remember that God has the final say - and He's all for His children being fully alive and happy.